Today, I’m not going to say, “And that’s okay” and smile and be a Glinda the Good Witch incarnate.

Because it’s not. It is not okay.

Sometimes You Don't Get What You Want | Coping, Personal growth, Personal development, Life advice, Life tips

There is nothing okay with not getting what you want, let’s all be honest here. Despite growing up and being too old for temper tantrums when you don’t get what you want, you can’t deny it’s still an awful feeling. Especially, when you’ve spent the last several days being excited. Just to know, at the very last minute, that nope, not today. You don’t get this.

That’s horrible.

It’s like when you happily got a huge scoop of chocolate ice cream then it unceremoniously flopped onto the pavement a second later. Or when you were having fun running around and then you accidentally tripped on a stone you didn’t see. At awful times like these, there is no other more appropriate reaction than to cry. To feel bad. Because what happened sucked.

But you don’t have to do it in public, if that would only make you feel worse. You do how you want to feel awful.

◆ Cry in your darkened room with or without Coldplay playing. Or just listen to Coldplay or any artist that makes you emotional.

◆ Cry while you’re talking to your aunt on the phone. Or just stare at the ceiling while tears slide down on your face.

◆ Tweet cryptically about it. Or retweet a sad quote.

◆ Actually answer Facebook’s question of “What’s on your mind?”

◆ Chat to your best friend and tell them you’re sad. Or just go away from social media for a while.

◆ Reread / rewatch that part in a book / movie / series that always makes you cry. With a tub (or four) of your favorite ice cream flavor and three boxes of tissues on either side of you.

Do whatever you want. My point is, actually give yourself permission to feel bad.

You don’t have to keep it inside you. You don’t have to force yourself to smile and say it’s fine when you obviously think it isn’t. You don’t have to “suck it up and get on with life” like other people tell you. That could be a load of unhelpful nonsense.

Because here’s what I learned when I didn’t get what I absolutely, absolutely wanted for Christmas:

Bottling things up, gritting your teeth and letting that awful feeling simmer up inside you into hatred, even for just a few hours, makes everything worse.

I didn’t see things in an angry red filter. I didn’t have the white hot urge to burn the whole city down. But I did find every minute detail annoying. The Christmas lights in the mall, the seeming apathy of the security guard, the dirt in the car seat, the cold taxi. Why aren’t they in sorrow like I was? Why don’t they care I was having the most awful day? I was skating on that fine line between self-centeredness and hate. And I was angry and annoyed at everyone and everything. Like every-freakin-thing.

It was only for a few hours and I’m telling you right now: it didn’t feel good.

But the moment I was in my room? Lights turned off and wrapped around my own blanket, and I heard my aunt’s sympathetic voice on the other end of the phone, telling me it was too bad and what a shame it all was? The floodgates opened. And the growing hate inside me was out, morphing back into the deep sadness it truly was.

Take it from someone who bottles up emotions by default:

Choosing to let all the awful out is far far better.

And though I didn’t get better overnight, the next few days got easier to cope with. Until I could finally say, “I’m okay now.” Because there is nothing okay with not getting what you want, let’s be real here. Might sound quite petulant but bear with me for a second.

It is an awful feeling, period. You’ll just make it worse by choosing to not acknowledge it — or even holding it tightly, not letting it out. Not getting what you want is disappointment and anger and sadness and annoyance all wrapped up in one heavy package. But get this, you don’t have to wrap it up and clutch it close to your chest.

You can choose to let it go.

Because maybe, just maybe, that’s how you start to find the strength to run back to the ice cream cart and buy another scoop.

Or that’s how you start to get back up, pat away the dirt and run again after falling. <3

How do you let all the awful feelings and emotions out? What are your coping mechanisms? Tell me all, I’m here <3

kate

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Photo used from Andrew Neel

 

10 thoughts on “Sometimes you don’t get what you want”

  1. I used to call my aunt ALL the time when I was younger and I needed to just let it all out and cry and be upset. She passed away a few years ago, and I think I’ve been struggling trying to find a sort of new way to let those emotions out. Because you’re absolutely right, trying to just “get over it” on the spot only makes it so much worse. Giving yourself a chance to actually feel your emotions and work through them is so much better, because then when you move on it’s genuine, not forced.

    1. My heart is aching for your loss. I understand how much your aunt must have meant to you as mine means so much to me. I do hope you will find a new way to let your emotions out at times when you need to. And please know I’m here however much I can help ❤

  2. KATE I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH. People tell you to get over things so quickly but?? Thats not so easy. Sometimes I really want something (like to win something) and I think I’m going to…and then NOPE. I don’t win. And I get really sad but put on my happy face “like yeah totaly didnt put in my blood sweat and tears for that. NOPE. Im finneee” and I wish we all accepted that we are allowed to feel sad when we get rejected!

  3. Such a great post! <3 You're so right about letting yourself have time to let it all out. People are so quick just to say "Suck it up and move on", but sometimes that just isn't the answer. Especially if you keep doing it and doing it and doing it. Eventually that pressure is gonna build up too much and make things far worse.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I just love reading your posts. They're always so insightful and full of inspiration. 🙂

  4. THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL POST KATE!! I simply CANNOT agree with you more! Sometimes you really aren’t alright and bottling it up inside doesn’t help at all. If anything it makes it worse.I honestly just love how you turned something that was a disappointment into a valuable life lesson! I think that it just goes to show that it really is all about the perspective and that although nothing in life is easy or perfect, we just have to have a good cheer up session (or a pity party, I do both haha..) and give ourselves some love (and chocolate!). Thank you so much for such an amazing post, Kate! 🙂

  5. Aw, I’m so glad to hear that. 🙂 I love your posts so much so I’m glad to know I’m leaving good feedback on them. Hope you’re having a great weekend! I just got your e-mail by the way, and am so excited about it! 😀 Trying to think up ideas at the moment.

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