Tag: Love

Why Toxic Relationships Are Like Tooth Decay

Hello hello, you lovely person! Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, ey! And I’m continuing onto my love-themed Wednesday posts.

In the past two Wednesdays, I talked about inspiring love and loving others in general. Today, I want to talk about relationships. Particularly, those that hurt you in the same way that Voldemort made Harry’s Hogwarts life miserable every-freakin-year for seven years.

“Um. We kinda get that from the title, Kate? But what does tooth decay have anything to do with this?”

It’s simple really. Let’s start it with this friend of mine. We shall call her Rose.

Rose was in a relationship for two years. And it was a toxic relationship. I would know because she reached out to me several times. Once she even called me crying about how he hurt her and how pathetic she was.

But I couldn’t understand her.

Why won’t she just break up with the jerk? If he was hurting her too much, then there’s no point working things out, right? But she told me she loved him and she can’t do it. And I decided right then that I’d never understand such thing.

But I was wrong. I did understand, kinda, because I was in a similar position. And what did I likened to Rose’s toxic relationship?

A five-year tooth decay.

My very own li’l Lord Voldemort.

Yes, I know. Maybe you’re disgusted at me right now and thinking why in the world would anyone hold on to something like that for too long?!

Funny, that’s exactly what I was thinking when I listened to Rose’s woes.

The thing is, I had an incredibly sweet tooth that resulted to plenty of tooth cavities when I was a kid. But the toothaches didn’t come until second year in high school.

One part hurt like the devil every time I ate. It instantly ruined both my appetite and day. And I suffered from it for five. Freakin. Years. And it was amazing how I had so many excuses why I wasn’t getting rid of it: I don’t have time, dentist can’t take it out for some reason, too busy with high school then incredibly busy with college. See? Plenty of excuses. But you know what’s the worst and most pathetic excuse I frequently use?

I can’t do it.

I don’t understand why I can’t. It’s not like I loved the little decayed devil or find it valuable to me. But that’s the thing with toxic relationships and long-time tooth decays, I recently learned.

**You feel like you can’t do anything to get rid of it permanently.**

I’m not really comfortable going to the dentist because, holy macaroni, they can be scary! And oftentimes, I reasoned that the ache was just temporary.

The irony wasn’t lost on me.

I didn’t understand why the heck some people won’t just end their painful relationship–it’s easy and they can do it, can’t they? But here I was nursing my own version of a toxic relationship.

So. What can you folks learn from this?

You have a choice

Whether you choose to stay or let all those hurtful things go is all up to you. But remember to give yourself a little self-respect. I guess, subconsciously, I felt like I was punishing my younger self for being selfish with all the candies–man, I was so horrible I even locked my sister out and gorged on a whole pack by myself!

So see, don’t do the same.

(Both being selfish with your fam and punishing yourself)

Don’t allow yourself to be burdened by pain just ’cause you feel like that’s what you deserve.

I mean, I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower but that “love that we think we deserve” part gives so much room for unhealthy self-deprecation. I think there’s a difference between repentance and self-affliction.

Because things like tooth decays and toxic relationships? If you hold onto them for a long time, they gradually become a part of your life. And suffering from them becomes a sort of habit.

And that’s as scary as Lord Voldie.

Outside these two, there are plenty of other things that can give you pain like abusive and stressful work environment.

And so in the end, I guess this post is also a bit about loving yourself.

It has been three months since Rose finally broke up with jerko. She was miserable at first and the egotistical jerk kept indirectly harassing her through Twitter. But she’s happy now.

It was around the same time when I finally went to the dentist to have the decayed tooth taken out. The first few days felt awkward to feel this gaping hole where the teeth had been.

But now I feel no pain and I don’t feel its absence anymore. I guess gums heal just like hearts do, right?

What would you do if something constantly kept hurting you? Got some advice or awesome thoughts? Share them below!

Have a love-filled day, awesome peeps!

February 15, 2017 7 Comments

The Little Things You Can Do to Spread Love This Holiday Season

Yo, we have less than a week left until Christmas! *dances holiday happy dance*

Last Wednesday, I talked about happiness and how to let it into your life every day. Today I want to talk about, well, you’ve read it in the title: spreading love.

As the song goes, “Give love on Christmas Day,” amirite? So I thought this topic’s timely for this month. But like I mentioned with happiness, spreading love isn’t exclusively done during the holidays. And the list below contains things anyone can do any-freakin-time.

So let’s get to it, yeah?

Smile to Strangers

You may be looking at those words funny and you may be thinking, “Whaaaat. Why would I even do that? That’s embarrassing.” Or something similar.

I’m telling you right now: I totally get you. Even I would have cringed at the idea. To me, that borders on creepy and simply doesn’t make any sense. It’s like you’re coming on to a random person. Totally WTH moment, right? So what do I do? I look for context.

It could be something as simple as smiling at a mom whose cute little baby is staring at you in public transport. (I actually do this) Or maybe the dudes in the meat section of the grocery are doing some holiday-related gimmick. (And they look funny) These may be little things but they’re at-the-moment somethings that becomes a shared experience with a stranger.

I watched this TEDx Talk video before where a woman was in the middle of a prank called the no-pants subway ride. She was so uncomfortable with all of it. But the guys in front of her just laughed at it all and, when she made eye contact with them, she smiled. Boom, a shared experience. Weird, sure, but it’s more fun when you share the experience with someone.

Give a Random Compliment

Now unlike the smiling one, this would definitely be weird to do on strangers whether there’s a context or no. I know there are people who would be uncomfortable to speak out to complete strangers. *points at self* So do it to a family or friend or an acquaintance. Someone you’ve at least talked to before.

I find that people are often surprised to be given a random compliment and deep down, it flatters them.

Of course, if you want to, you can give a compliment to a complete stranger. See how they’ll react. And if you’re being completely genuine, they’d be genuinely surprised themselves.

Bond with Your Family

I know some people aren’t really close to their family and would choose their friends over them. I’m guilty of doing this sometimes. But see, one thing I’ve learned recently is that your friends will change and some would go separate ways, pursuing their career. I myself only have a handful of my high school friends that I keep in touch regularly. But my family? They’re always there. They can be an unbearable bunch, sure. But they’re always there.

Participate in Programs or Holiday Events

Although Christmas parties are common examples of a holiday program, there are certain events or projects both in the real and virtual world that mainly aim to spread love, not by some fancy celebratory feasts and exchange gifts, but by giveaways and charities and outreaches.

For instance, the amazing Teenella created the Blogger’s Secret Santa where you get to post something nice about a fellow blogger. I joined in and no, I’m not telling who I got. In an author fan group I’m part of, they will be holding giveaways to readers who can’t afford to buy as much books as they want. All of these are relatively tiny things, really. But the amazing part is how people gather together to contribute and participate in them.

You know these are small stuff. But they can be fun and life-enriching at the same time. 2016 was a bad year for many so I really don’t want to add up into all the negativity. This holiday season, you can give out hope and a little light by doing little things. And I’m telling you, it’ll go a long way.

There’s this certain quote posted in our uni’s guidance office that I think is befitting for this post:

Don’t make it an obligation. Give love willingly and without any expectations. And you’ll feel it: elation and happiness. That feeling of your heart warming up and stretching out. And I promise, it does feel good.

Have a love-filled day, awesome peeps!💞

December 14, 2016 1 Comment