Tag: Mindset

We Need To Get Better at Asking for What We Need

When I read that sentence on a newsletter I subscribed in, I felt like someone suddenly turned the light on me. Like I could finally see the world clearly and in full Technicolor.

Is this a problem I struggle with? Heck yes.

I’m the type of person who would gladly help others, however much I could. But when I’m the one at the asking end, things are a-whole-nother potato salad:
I am SO not comfortable asking other people for help.

Just saying that, admitting that to the ethers where other people can read it, is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s my pride that’s stopping me. Maybe it’s because I feel I’d be imposing too much if I ask for help. Maybe it’s both plus a hundred other internal complications like low self-esteem and high self-doubt. But there it is.

Why You Need to Get Better at Asking for What You Need | #personalgrowth #mindset #happiness #mentalhealth

We’ve all had this feeling, I like to think. It may not be as severe as mine, but I’m sure you’ve gone through this to a certain degree. I mean, you wouldn’t have clicked on this post if you haven’t, right?

I find teens and young adults usually find it difficult to ask for help. I was definitely one of those teens – still am one of those young adults.

But even when you’re an adult (or #adulting), you may still have some difficulty asking for help.

Why is it so difficult?

Well, the short answer for this is a word you’ve probably come across a lot if you’ve been reading my blog for a while:

FEAR.

Having trouble asking for help stems from a lot of causes but the main root is often fear. Your fear may be a different kind of fear from others’, but it’s fear all the same. Here are three common ways fear may hinder you from asking what you need:

Fear of Showing Vulnerability

Asking for help is one of the most vulnerable things you can do in front of someone else. And people avoid looking vulnerable like the plague. Which is probably why it feels so uncomfortable.

Fear of Breaking Your Perceived Image

We like to think that we are fully capable of facing our problems on our own. Again, this could be because we don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable (which are two different things, by the way!)

Fear of Rejection

When you ask for something, there’s like a 50-50 chance you’d probably be rejected. It’s a “Sure thing!” or an “I’m sorry, I can’t” kind of question. Often I find myself skewing that 50-50 odds. I’m super focused in the worst-case scenario (i.e., getting rejected), I have zero reason to believe that people will actually reason.

Fear gets the best of everyone. And I mean every-freakin-one. And letting fear hinder you from asking for help, is also letting fear hinder your growth.

3 Reasons Why You Need to Get Better at Asking for What You Need | personal growth, mindset, happiness, lifestyle

WHY YOU NEED TO GET BETTER AT ASKING FOR HELP

1. You can’t do everything on your own

You may feel like some kind of superhuman who do not need to ask for help. But here’s the thing: Even computers can’t do things on their own.

The computer or tablet or phone that you’re using to read this right now also has limited capacity. It’ll be even less capable without the Internet and added storage.

Even world-famous people like Michael Phelps and Steve Jobs and Arianna Huffington and Oprah didn’t achieve what they have achieved completely on their own. Even their triumphs and successes are a product of the many hands and minds of people who’ve influenced them or worked with and for them along the way. Even my blog is a product of the tons of help I got, both directly and indirectly.

This isn’t to say that this blog isn’t entirely my work. It totally is! But all throughout this wonderfully journey, I’ve learned a thing or twenty from people in some way or another. And we all do!

2. People want to help you

It sounds ridiculous. And sometimes, I still can’t wrap myself around this “ridiculous notion”. But it’s true. People want to help you. They really do. (Dum-dee-doo.)

The trick here is, they won’t really know how they can help… if we don’t tell them. And we’ve already established that (scroll back up) we rarely do.

A friend of mine once shared to me that she had a grudge on a friend of hers. All because her friend did not do something that she “thought was pretty obvious” she needed.

The problem with thinking this way is that this is wrong most of the time.

Like when I thought that smudge of paint on my artwork was super obvious and is totally ruining the entire piece but my mom didn’t see squat. She didn’t understand why I was so upset because the reason was invisible to her.

I’ve learned that what seems completely, totally, undeniably obvious to me is most likely completely, totally, undeniably unnoticeable to others

3. You open yourself up

Sometimes we’re so afraid to ask for help because of the scary possibility of getting a no. That we might get rejected.

But like I said, people want to help you! There was this study that found people actually get help twice as much as they thought they would. This only goes to show that people want to be helpful and feel useful, but we think otherwise.

Think about it: isn’t that why you love to help others?

I know that’s why I love to help. Because I want to be helpful and feel useful.

When you ask for help, you’re telling people they can help you. You’re telling people you are open to learning from them. You’re telling people that you are human and you don’t have everything figure out (which is totally okay!) You’re telling them you need help. And that you want to rely on them.

In doing so, you are not weak. Or incompetent. Or unworthy. You just need support. Nothing wrong with that.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

What do you need? Let us help you! 🙂

xx Kate

Photo from Ivory Mix

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Do you have difficulty asking for help? Same. But here's why you need to do it anyway. || Personal growth, Mindset, Happiness, Asking

Trying everything all at once achieves nothing

When I was a kid (and I was unknowingly living the glory days of not having to stress over college) I used to play this game. I called it “Don’t Let the Balloon Touch the Floor.” It’s a simple game: you launch the balloon up in the air and not let it touch the floor. And I enjoyed it. I felt like one of those superheroes when they do that agility trickery-do. I felt like I could do anything.

Now, imagine what would happen if there were more than one balloon you have to keep from touching the floor. Imagine twelve balloons. Suddenly it’s not so enjoyable now, is it? It will become tiring. You’d have to be in different places and look at all twelve balloons at once. Before long, you’d be out of breath and frantic. You’d be overwhelmed.

That’s also what happens when you try to work on everything – and I mean every minute detail – in your life at the same time.

I find that high-achievers and perfectionists such as myself struggle with this. Not only do I try to juggle college and blogging and my art and the occasional freelancing I get. I want to do all of them at the same time – and do it per-fect-ly. I want to keep all these balloons from touching the floor because they are all important. They all hold significant places in my life. It just feels wrong to choose one from the other when I could do everything I can to keep all of them afloat, right? Right???

Wrong, Kate. W R O N G.

Look, I love Shakira and I love Zootopia and Judy but I don’t think this is what they meant by “trying everything”. And okay, there’s nothing wrong with trying to find that delicious middle ground where you manage to balance everything. Work-life balance is, like, every twenty-something’s dream. Being a Master Multitasker just feels like the Productivity Holy Grail.

But to perfectly manage every aspect in your life perfectly?? It’s just damn near impossible.

Here’s the difficult pill to swallow:

self-improvement quote

If you want to exercise more regularly, but also eat more nutritiously, and meditate, and be more productive and write more words a day and also, like, want to master crocheting all-at-freaking-once, can you possibly dream of achieving any one of those things?

(In case you’re curious, yes, that pill is still stuck in my throat.)

Surprisingly, there are people who could. But the vast majority of the world can’t. I can’t. A lot of the people I know can’t. And if you’re one of us and you’re agonizing over this, I want you to know there is absolutely nothing wrong you!

This simply means that you are human (not saying that those who can master multitask aren’t) and you have limitations. You can only do so much at a time. Some things, like self-improvement, are simply not something you can multitask. Trying to improve every aspect of your life all at once will leave you exhausted. Like trying to keep twelve balloons afloat.

Sure, maybe all of the things you have to improve are important. But you don’t have to accomplish them altogether. You can take on one thing and focus on only that one thing.

Instead of balloons, imagine you’re making pottery.

You have one lump of clay on top of the pottery wheel. You work your damn best and do your frakkin-hardest to turn that lump into a work of art. And when you’re done (and it will be a work of art, because I believe in your awesomeness) you move on to work on the next lump. Then the next lump. Then the next. Focus on one thing at a time. Until you’ve accomplished all the lumps you had to work on. Until all of them are works of art.

And look! You didn’t have to juggle everything all at once! Yay you!

Do you also struggle with wanting to self-improve on #AllTheThings? Would you rather multitask on personal goals or try one thing at a time? Share your thoughts below!

xx Kate

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Why Trying Everything At Once Achieve Nothing | Goals, Overwhelm, Personal growth, Lifestyle, Mindset, Self-Improvement

Photo from Ivory Mix

How to Make Your Well-Being a Priority

When my journalist sister had to take a day off because of a flu, we had to strap her to her bed. (Metaphorically, of course. We’re not monsters.) But then the next day? She’s back to work. Reasoning out that there are a lot of news that needs to be written that day. That she won’t be productive if she’s stuck in bed.

And you know what, I was SO mad.

Sure, productivity is important. I know this. You know this. Everyone and their mom and tita knows this. But this is not how productivity should go.

Despite our growing awareness on the importance of relaxing, there’s no denying the hustle culture is still ever-present. And I’m all for this yo! I am an avid supporter of hard work makes the dream work. I am pro- rolling up the sleeves and doing the job wholeheartedly and getting things done. Possibly even singing “Dig dig dig” like the Seven Dwarves.

My problem is that this can, and eventually will, go too far.

And usually when things go too far… No one’s happy.

Not you, not your friends and family, and definitely not the Seven Dwarves. Not even Happy. And I honestly don’t think self-improvement works that way.

See, here’s the thing: there will always be work waiting for you.

Work is almost as ever-present as humidity in the tropics, or ice in Antarctica. Work doesn’t give a single cent if it’s raining cats or dogs. It doesn’t care if the bees go extinct. And it certainly doesn’t care if you’re already hacking your lungs out. It’s still going to be there, regardless. So are you really going to compromise your health for that? Actually, are you really going to compromise your health for anything?

HECK NO.

well-being, quote

Which is why taking care of every aspect of your well-being is important in the long run. You cannot compromise your health for productivity, or anything else for that matter.

Your body is your long-term investment. And so you have to make every aspect of your well-being a priority. This is one of the few things in the universe that you absolutely cannot compromise.

Five Ways to Make Your Well-Being a Priority | Life advice, Well-being, Wellness, Personal growth

Deliberately Choose to Live a Healthy Lifestyle

As early as first grade, we were all taught that greens are good and too much Coke isn’t. But let’s be honest here, that’s an easy concept to understand but very difficult to apply in your lifestyle.

It could start small like, say, making yourself eat veggies a meal a day. Or having yourself dropped off a block from where you should go so you could walk the rest of the way.

And I’m not saying you can’t eat pizza and cake or take afternoon naps anymore. You totally could! My comfort food is chocolate-coated marshmallow. I can devour a dozen of those in one sitting. But I try not to because I know my teeth won’t ever forgive me. Still, I indulge myself with two or three and move along.

Listen to Your Body

Our bodies are not shy beans. It’s either completely outspoken or passive-aggressive. But if it has some issues, it WILL tell you, one way or another. The key here is to listen to your own body.

Sometimes, it can be pretty easy to know what our body wants. But there are definitely times when we’re too caught up with our own thoughts to take notice of what our own body is screaming at us.

I find that mindfulness helps here. Pause for a moment and do a quick mental check up on your body. Feel where the tensions are and which part hurts or feels heavy. Notice things you feel regularly or frequently.

Get Adequate Sleep

Sleep, like eating veggies and exercise, greatly affects our physical and mental health. But when we’re extremely busy or stressed, most of us wouldn’t hesitate to give it up and trade it for more time.

Friend, don’t.

Every individual has their own sleeping schedules that work for them. Find your own Goldilock zone. There’s much more meaningful tasks you can achieve in a day when you have enough sleep than when you don’t. So really, to be productive means to have enough sleep in a day. Now that’s how personal development works!

Also read: You May Not Need to Be an Early Bird to be Productive

Nurture Healthy Relationships and Wonderful Connections

We’re social beings, us humans. We crave relationships and having a connection with other people. Even twelve-year-old Kate in her goth/emo phase.

You can build new connections by joining in a group or a local organization that piques your interest. This can create a sense of belonging and also boost our self-confidence.

And while having acquaintances are great, knowing that you also have a close set of friends who are your awesome support system greatly helps in our physical and mental well-being too.

That said, if a relationship is not building you up and makes you feel sad instead, you have to pluck it out. Take that toxic relationship out of your life like tooth decay.

Take Some Time to do Things You Enjoy

Every time I feel stressed and overwhelmed with college or life in general, I work on an art project or write a draft for a blog post. And I always feel recharged afterwards. Seriously, every-freakin-time.

Having hobbies is incredibly important. You’ll not only get your mind off school or work for a while, but once you go back, your mind and body will be well-rested and super ready to tackle whatever work you need to do.

How do you prioritize your physical, mental and emotional well-being? Share your awesome insights in the comments below!

xx Kate

Photos from Marina Lima and Death to Stock

5 Motivating Reminders for When You Think You’re Not Enough

I’m pretty sure most of us have experienced this.

It’s kinda like a thief in the night. You don’t know when you’re gonna have it. Maybe you just woke up, or you’re studying for your majors, or watching a duck live its fabulous life. And then suddenly, you’re struck with a toxic thought:

I am not enough.

It’s just one thought, one single thought, but it bears so much power that it could lead to other toxic thoughts. It’s like a wobbly chip at the edge of a domino chain. The moment it falls, everything else follows.

And a domino chain of toxic thoughts could be the most awful feeling you could possibly have.

You need to press pause when it happens. You need to remind yourself that you are enough. Here are 5 powerfully motivating reminders for when it happens.

5 Reminders for when you think you're not enough | motivation, inspiration, mindset, mental health, self-esteem

1 | You’re achieving just by living

This is a brilliant quote I got from the ever-inspiring Bianca Bass. And she’s absolutely right. The fact that you are here right now, that you’re living and striving to get past every obstacle thrown your way is more than enough. It shows that you are growing. It shows that you are resilient and strong enough to get through life’s obstacles.

And let’s be real here, this whole being a human thing can be pretty difficult — even Bianca Bass thinks so!

Everyone has no idea what they’re doing 80% of the time. Everyone is struggling with their own inner (and outer) demons. You don’t have to do everything all at once. No one faults you for not being perfect, okay? Absolutely no one.

2 | You matter. Always.

I know this is hard to see, sometimes. It is especially difficult when you’re wrapped tightly around the thought that you don’t matter. And you have this nagging feeling that no one thinks you do.

But try to get past that. Look beyond the fog blurring your mind and you’ll see. There are people who look at you with concern in their eyes. Who look at you and see you. And the first person you should look beyond that fog? You.

Stand in front of the mirror. If it hurts to look at your reflection at first, grab one of those compact ones and bring it close enough that all you can see is your eyes. And remember: Those eyes know you matter. They know.

Related: Why I Prioritize Self-Acceptance over Self-Love

3 | You have made the best of difficult moments

Remember #1? When I said you were striving past every obstacle handed to you?

Now, think of all the awful situations you’ve been in before. Look over your shoulder to them. Then look at where you are now.

You got through them.

Isn’t that amazing? I think it’s amazing. And maybe you brought with you scars — most of the time, it does. But you are here. And everything you’ve passed through is over there waaay back behind you. This reminds me of that line in Hamilton’s “That Would Be Enough.”

“Look at where you are
Look at where you started
The fact that you’re alive is a miracle
Just stay alive, that would be enough”

4 | You are bigger than any obstacle

You are stronger than any difficult situation. Remember those past obstacles you got through? Use them as a reminder that whatever else you’ll face ahead, you can get past it, too.

Think about it. So far, your success rate of getting past all those obstacles is 100%. Someone once said — I forgot who it was — that humans were built in such a way that they always get to where they need to be. And I think that is so true. We may go through detours and u-turns and some awfully long pit stops. But eventually, we get to where we need to be.

5 | Have faith that everything will come together

I know that when you’re at your lowest, this can seem far-fetched and fictional. Sometimes I still catch myself thinking, “Really? Something good is out there? Why does that seem foolishly hopeful?” But do you really think that pain is just there for no purpose other than to let you suffer?

Actually, you can think that.

You can think everything and everyone exist to be against you. And the problems you are facing? Maybe they’re only there just to hurt you.

OR, you can learn from them. You can carry with you the lessons you learn from every experience you’ve gone through. You can look at that scar as a reminder. That you are strong and there is something beyond those challenges. And you can bring the experiences with you forward into your journey.

I understand how hard it must be when your entire being feels like it’s drowning in worries and doubts and toxic thoughts. You’d feel worthless. But please know that you are MORE than that.

You are not worthless.

You deserve happiness and assurance and the most awesome rainbow Mother Nature can provide.

Because you are you.

And that is enough. You are enough.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate on contacting me via email or through my social media accounts. All my inboxes are always open for you 🙂

xx Kate

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