Tag: Well-Being

Three Key Steps to Challenge Unhelpful Negative Self-Talk

This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may get a small commission when you purchase something through the link at no additional cost to you. I only share things I find awesome and absolutely vouch for. Read my full disclosure here.

Most of us have been mentally talking to ourselves for our whole lives. We’ve started doing this the second we learned about words and their meanings and how meaningful – and powerful – words could be.

And often these are the kinds of self-talk we engage in:

Stop that.

You don’t know what you’re doing.

You don’t know anything.

You’re worthless.

How to Challenge Negative Self-Talk | Personal growth, Mental Health, Life tips, Inner critic, Personal development, Self-improvement, Healthy mind

I’m going to take a guess this is the kind of self-talk you have, too. The cautious ones. The wary ones. The doubtful ones. Negative self-talk.

How Negative Self-Talk Developed

I read an article somewhere that says the negative self-talk dominating our minds got its root, first and foremost, from our parents. You know how as kids we were always told to keep away from this and that because it’s dangerous? To keep quiet and let the adults talk? To not disturb the old lady across the street? To not disturb anyone?

I’m sure our parentals had good intentions. They were only trying to teach us good manners. But as children with inner worlds still developing, we absorb everything handed to us. We’re basically Spongebobs! As we grow and take in and process the world we see with our eyes, our inner world is building itself too. And all those loving cautions and wariness and doubt?

They embed themselves into our mental blueprint quite early on. Soon enough, we find out there are societal expectations and standards that the rest of the world somehow follow. These too embed themselves into our mind. And, lo and behold, our own little inner critic is born. Kinda like a Powerpuff Girl, don’t you think? And actually,

The Power of Negative Self-Talk

There are studies that have proven constant negative self-talk leads to increased stress, and worst case scenario, anxiety and depression.

Negative self-talk can limit you. It holds you back from your true potential, and get this, it can be self-fulfilling. You constantly tell yourself you’re not good enough to do or be something, chances are you’ll talk yourself out of even trying.

The worst part is that negative self-talk can do all these in sneaky-ninja style. Self-talk is habitual and it happens so fast, you won’t be able to consciously catch everything. But your subconscious does, and it absorbs everything it catches. You may live your life unaware that your self-talk is actually hurting you and affecting the way you see yourself. So here are 3 key steps to challenge negative self-talk.

HOW TO DEAL WITH
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IN THREE KEY STEPS

1 | Be Mindful

Notice what you mentally say to yourself every day. Negative self-talk is a sneaky ninja so being able to suss it out and feel its presence is important. Being mindful of your thought process and what goes on in your head will help in this. I learned that negative self-talk often appears in either one of these three scenarios:

When you encounter something new. It could be a new face or a new challenge or a new idea. Negative self-talk is wary of changes and new things. I’d even go far and say, it’s afraid of change and new things. Which is why it pops out whenever there’s one, and it will do everything in its power so you won’t go anywhere near the change or the new thing.

When your self-worth is being measured. It could be submitting an art for an art contest. It could be passing a major exam. It could be talking to your boss about a project you were assigned for. It could be as simple as picking the outfit of the day. Depending on what you feel measures your self-worth, negative self-talk will be there to criticize you.

When you’re in a stressful situations. We are often at our most vulnerable when we’re in a stressful situation. And sneaky ninjas like your negative self-talk are trained to sneak in on other people in order to get their job done.

It can appear in other scenarios too. And by becoming more aware of your thoughts, you’ll be able to spot negative self-talk before it can do anything else. Besides, ninjas do their work best when they are able to sneak in. Take that element of surprise out of its hands with mindfulness. Rachael Kable is my go-to for anything mindfulness. Her blog and her podcast, The Mindful Kind, is jam-packed with tips and advice on living a more mindful life.

2 | Know Negative Self-Talk’s Worth

Ask yourself: Is this negative self-talk factual or farfetch? Does it matter now and will it matter in five years? Is it helpful to what I want to achieve or is it hurting me? Is this something I’d say to a friend?

That last one in particular is something I find incredibly helpful.

I mean, think about it. When your friend goes to you saying, “I don’t think I can do this.” What do you do? You encourage them. You motivate them. You tell them, yes you can. You definitely don’t go, “Yeah you’re right. Don’t do it.” But isn’t it so weird that we treat ourselves differently?

We expect more highly of ourselves, yet we also know our flaws and imperfections far more than we know anyone else’s. Which is why we’re so harsh. This is exactly what negative self-talk thrives on. So if it’s factual, if it matters, if it’s helpful and if it’s loving, then the negative self-talk is good in a way. But more often than not, the opposite is true. Be sure that it ticks all the boxes.

3 | Create Reframing Exercises Regularly

Reframing your unhelpful negative self-talk is important if you want to challenge it, and ultimately deal with it in a healthier way. You can do this by changing your mindset, journaling, even talking to a friend or maybe a professional. I find that Tim Ferriss’ Fear-Setting is also helpful here, if you’re all for practical and visual way of dealing with negative self-talk.

The key here is to do it regularly. You may never get rid of negative self-talk completely. And you don’t have to! You just have to practice dealing with it and reframing it with something more helpful and more loving. After all, the only way to deal with sneaky ninjas is by constantly practicing your own defenses and counterattacks.

You got this! I believe in you.

How do you deal with negative self-talk? Have I missed out on something incredibly helpful? Share it in the comments below!

xx Kate

How to Challenge Unhelpful Negative Self-Talk | Personal growth, Mindset, Mental Health, Self-Talk, Inner Critic, Self-Improvement
Photos from Light & Grace (via Creative Market) and Ivory Mix

How to Make Your Well-Being a Priority

When my journalist sister had to take a day off because of a flu, we had to strap her to her bed. (Metaphorically, of course. We’re not monsters.) But then the next day? She’s back to work. Reasoning out that there are a lot of news that needs to be written that day. That she won’t be productive if she’s stuck in bed.

And you know what, I was SO mad.

Sure, productivity is important. I know this. You know this. Everyone and their mom and tita knows this. But this is not how productivity should go.

Despite our growing awareness on the importance of relaxing, there’s no denying the hustle culture is still ever-present. And I’m all for this yo! I am an avid supporter of hard work makes the dream work. I am pro- rolling up the sleeves and doing the job wholeheartedly and getting things done. Possibly even singing “Dig dig dig” like the Seven Dwarves.

My problem is that this can, and eventually will, go too far.

And usually when things go too far… No one’s happy.

Not you, not your friends and family, and definitely not the Seven Dwarves. Not even Happy. And I honestly don’t think self-improvement works that way.

See, here’s the thing: there will always be work waiting for you.

Work is almost as ever-present as humidity in the tropics, or ice in Antarctica. Work doesn’t give a single cent if it’s raining cats or dogs. It doesn’t care if the bees go extinct. And it certainly doesn’t care if you’re already hacking your lungs out. It’s still going to be there, regardless. So are you really going to compromise your health for that? Actually, are you really going to compromise your health for anything?

HECK NO.

well-being, quote

Which is why taking care of every aspect of your well-being is important in the long run. You cannot compromise your health for productivity, or anything else for that matter.

Your body is your long-term investment. And so you have to make every aspect of your well-being a priority. This is one of the few things in the universe that you absolutely cannot compromise.

Five Ways to Make Your Well-Being a Priority | Life advice, Well-being, Wellness, Personal growth

Deliberately Choose to Live a Healthy Lifestyle

As early as first grade, we were all taught that greens are good and too much Coke isn’t. But let’s be honest here, that’s an easy concept to understand but very difficult to apply in your lifestyle.

It could start small like, say, making yourself eat veggies a meal a day. Or having yourself dropped off a block from where you should go so you could walk the rest of the way.

And I’m not saying you can’t eat pizza and cake or take afternoon naps anymore. You totally could! My comfort food is chocolate-coated marshmallow. I can devour a dozen of those in one sitting. But I try not to because I know my teeth won’t ever forgive me. Still, I indulge myself with two or three and move along.

Listen to Your Body

Our bodies are not shy beans. It’s either completely outspoken or passive-aggressive. But if it has some issues, it WILL tell you, one way or another. The key here is to listen to your own body.

Sometimes, it can be pretty easy to know what our body wants. But there are definitely times when we’re too caught up with our own thoughts to take notice of what our own body is screaming at us.

I find that mindfulness helps here. Pause for a moment and do a quick mental check up on your body. Feel where the tensions are and which part hurts or feels heavy. Notice things you feel regularly or frequently.

Get Adequate Sleep

Sleep, like eating veggies and exercise, greatly affects our physical and mental health. But when we’re extremely busy or stressed, most of us wouldn’t hesitate to give it up and trade it for more time.

Friend, don’t.

Every individual has their own sleeping schedules that work for them. Find your own Goldilock zone. There’s much more meaningful tasks you can achieve in a day when you have enough sleep than when you don’t. So really, to be productive means to have enough sleep in a day. Now that’s how personal development works!

Also read: You May Not Need to Be an Early Bird to be Productive

Nurture Healthy Relationships and Wonderful Connections

We’re social beings, us humans. We crave relationships and having a connection with other people. Even twelve-year-old Kate in her goth/emo phase.

You can build new connections by joining in a group or a local organization that piques your interest. This can create a sense of belonging and also boost our self-confidence.

And while having acquaintances are great, knowing that you also have a close set of friends who are your awesome support system greatly helps in our physical and mental well-being too.

That said, if a relationship is not building you up and makes you feel sad instead, you have to pluck it out. Take that toxic relationship out of your life like tooth decay.

Take Some Time to do Things You Enjoy

Every time I feel stressed and overwhelmed with college or life in general, I work on an art project or write a draft for a blog post. And I always feel recharged afterwards. Seriously, every-freakin-time.

Having hobbies is incredibly important. You’ll not only get your mind off school or work for a while, but once you go back, your mind and body will be well-rested and super ready to tackle whatever work you need to do.

How do you prioritize your physical, mental and emotional well-being? Share your awesome insights in the comments below!

xx Kate

Photos from Marina Lima and Death to Stock