Tag: Fear

You Can’t Do What You Want to Do Unless You Start Doing It

Back in 2016, when I was new to Instagram, I was scrolling through all these gorgeous illustrations of freeform watercolor flowers. Videos and images of a slender hand with a paintbrush swirling it like a wand and colors seeping out at the edge of the bristles.

In my eyes, these amazing people were magicians. They were performing purely enchanting magic. I couldn’t take my eyes off them.

For hours, I’d dive deep into different watercolor hashtags, witnessing the magic over and over again. At one point, one thought sparked in me.

Almost immediately, it bled into my mind like watercolor paint spreading onto a wet paper:
I want to paint with watercolor too.

Immediately, I shoved the thought away. I grabbed a metaphorical tissue paper and lifted that bleeding watercolor paint off my canvas mind. Because… I couldn’t. I was never good at watercolor, that’s what I kept telling myself. And so I went on with my life, inspired and captivated and completely jealous of the artists I see in my mobile screen.

That is… Until I was standing on the school and office supplies store. In front of a shelf of student quality watercolors.

You know that part when Moana sang about the line where the sky meets the sea, “It calls me”?

That was me in the student grade art supplies aisle that day.

It was one of those few times in my life when I let neither fear nor self-doubt stop me. I didn’t think about anything. I didn’t have an impromptu performance with my chicken and sang about how I’ve been staring at the edge of the water(color) the way Moana did.

Before I knew it, I was at the cashier with a set of watercolor tubes and brushes clutched at each hand.

fear, starting, quotes

That fear that you’re going to suck and it’ll be awful.

On New Things and the Fear of Starting

Listen:

You will suck. That’s probably the most likely scenario.

I’m not saying this to be a Jenny Raincloud, by the way. I’m saying this because it’s true. You’re new to this. Of course you’re not going to master it overnight. Give yourself some slack, my sweet exhausted potato. Embrace the suck.

And if it gives you any comfort, no one started out being a master.

Picasso spent his early days as a painter being ridiculed for his art. He was told his art was not good. PICASSO. (I know this because National Geographic told me.) I’m quite certain that Mozart didn’t come out of his mother’s womb with a piano and composing iconic music after iconic music. And Colonel Sanders! Grandpa KFC, of all people, started out his fried chicken empire far later into his life. These people have achieved success in one way or another. And th good news? They all achieved it in various ways and at various points in their lives.

You can too, if you stop listening to fear.

Why the Fear is There

The first time I attempted to paint galaxy, it ended up looking like a hot pot of guts and brains. You know, the kind that not even the hungriest of zombies would go near.

And I stayed that way for months.

Imagine if you tried inserting the USB plug on your laptop for a hundred times. And miserably failed on all those times? I was that frustrated. Probably 75% of that time I contemplated on throwing everything I bought and never lay my hands on watercolor ever again. The fear was constantly whispering to my ear that I sucked and that we should just stop this. Gosh, it was right there with me at the art supplies aisle. And it was there again when I was about to put my first watercolor stroke on paper. And the next. And the next. Fear is always with us.

But see, friend, here’s what I learned: The fear is there for a reason.

It needs you to be grounded. It needs you to be realistic. To not get your hopes too high up in the clouds. But if you allow that fear to take control, to take full control?

You’ll be so grounded in your place that you wouldn’t be able to move.

And this is where you’ll come in. You have to have your own volition to move. To take the first step. To grab that watercolor from the shelf. To make your first stroke on paper. To write that first sentence. To stand up and speak out. To let fear be with you every step of the way, but to never let it take hold of the wheel.

You can’t do what you want to do unless you do it. You have to turn that wanting into being.

Make “I want to paint” become “I am painting.”

Make “I want to speak out” become “I am speaking out.”

Make “I want to tell this story” become “I am telling this story.”

You can never magically be what you want to be. You have, first of all, to take action.

And once you’ve taken that first step, don’t stop. Because, believe me, I know how harder the next steps will be. And it will be Super Tempting to just shrug off and say, “Eh. I tried.” But the next step is going to be your new first step. So you have to keep at it. You have to keep going.

Until you are what you want.

Is there something you’ve been wanting to do for a really long time? Have you taken the first step to do it? If you have, share some tips on how to conquer that fear of starting! We welcome all the wisdom you have 🙂

xx Kate

Photos from Death to Stock and Ivory Mix

On trying new things this new year (+ 10 New Things I’m Gonna Try in 2018)

On trying new things this new year (+ 10 New Things I’m Gonna Try in 2018)

Last year, I came across these two things that helped me come up with something I wanted to do on 2018.

One was stumbling upon the Yes & Yes blog by Sarah von Bargen and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me last year.

Yes & Yes is filled with inspiring, practical advice for everyday problems. It helps a lot that each post written by Sarah and her guest contributors exudes good vibes and humor. And see, Sarah does this thing where she attempts to try 25 new things every year. She even wrote a post on why we should try new things, and it was one of the most insightful pieces I’ve read in 2017.

The second one was listening to the third season of the awesome NPR podcast show, Invisibilia. There is this episode about a guy who made a randomizer app that basically pushes him to experience new things. Things outside his personal preferences and his routine. Like he would eat at a restaurant he never went to, he would listen to songs someone else in the world listen to all the time and he would go to parties he wasn’t invited to.

What this guy and Sarah were doing… I thought they were awesome. I thought they were inspiring.

And I realized, I wasn’t doing anything like it.

The silhouette of a hand and arm being raised against a purple and pink sky in a field

Unlike them, I wasn’t actively seeking and trying out things outside of my comfort zone. I was playing by the borders but I was never serious.

Look, I won’t deny it: I’m a creature of habit.

I like routines because they somehow translate my life into a more understandable system. And I stick to them, come hail or high water. I’m pretty much religious to whatever routine I created for myself, that I could go through the motions even when I’m not mentally up for it. It’s kind of a scary skill, I know, and it has served me plenty of times.

But it also hindered me from trying new things.

Because I know now that this is fear playing out in my life yet again. And I want to deal with this fear of getting out of my comfort zone in the best way I can: by, you know, stepping out.

So, in the spirit of Sarah’s amazing New Things yearly tradition and the guy from that Invisibilia episode, I will try to do 10 things I’ve never done before this year.

On Trying New Things This New Year | Lifestyle, Personal Growth, Inspiration, Motivation, Conquering fears, Geting out of Your Comfort Zone

I’m only doing 10 since I also have some really ambitious personal goals I want to achieve this year hehe. Anyway here they are!

1 | Finish a horror movie without running away

You know that moment in a horror movie when the protagonist is in a darkened hallway, slowly walking towards a door cracked open with flickering lights inside, and the music is also slowly building up tension? I swear, my feet itches whenever that happens because I just KNOW there’s gonna be something super scary on the other side of the door.

And so I’d run away.

I basically just ran away from my seat whenever I feel like I’ll see something super scary in the next few minutes. Like when I was a kid, I used to run away whenever the queen turned into an old hag in Snow White and they’d make that big reveal.

So yeah. I’ve never really finished a horror movie in my entire life.

2 | Make no bake cheesecake

I’m no good with cooking or baking. To this day, the only dish I can make with pride is corned beef wherein I sauté several slices of onions and reheat a canned corned beef. A+ chef, aren’t I? (Not.)

And also, my mom is a great cook. I never had a reason to go to the kitchen other than to eat. This is partly because of my fear of dealing with knives and fire. But also I’m just afraid that I won’t make something delicious.

If I think about it that way, it’s kinda like how other people don’t excel in arts because they’re afraid they won’t make a good drawing. Or people who don’t excel in sports because they’re afraid they’ll be the reason they won’t win a match.

Wow. I guess fear does permeate through every aspect of your life, huh?

3 | Enroll in an online art class

Beyond buying art supplies, I’ve never really invested in further improving my art. For one thing, I’m a broke college student. For another, I’m afraid all that investing will be in vain so I never really dared.

4 | Make a popsicle house

Can you believe that I got through grade school and high school without creating a single popsicle house?

I can’t believe it too.

Popsicle houses are like your typical arts project. But I’ve never done one. Ever. Welp, that’s about to change.

5 | Go to the gym

I’ve… Never worked out in my life. I can’t even climb four flights of stairs without stopping somewhere on the second flight.

6 | Participate in an open mic

Let’s just say I like being part of the audience. I am a happy consumer of performance arts. But I never really like being on stage. I feel awkward and I feel as if I’m not entertaining anyone at all. Also, I choke on my words when I’m in front of people. So um… let’s cross our fingers I’ll be fine when I do this.

7 | Pierce ears

Okay, I do have a pair of pierced ears but this was done when I was a wee potato. I’m not really afraid of needles, I just… don’t like the idea of being pierced, I guess?

8 | Eat sushi

Look. I love Japan. I adore their culture. But I’ve never eaten raw fish in my entire life. I’ve always been a picky eater. And whenever we go to the beach, my family loves to eat fish cooked only in vinegar or any citrus but I always get the either the fried or grilled option. It’s one of those not stepping out of my comfort zone things. And I refuse to be thirty and not try sushi.

9 | Listen to an album from a genre I don’t normally listen to

I haven’t found a particular album to listen to but genres I don’t normally listen to are:

  • Hip-hop
  • EDM
  • Classical music
  • K-Pop

If you have any album in these genres you want me to listen to, I’m open for recommendations 🙂

10 | No chicken or pork for a week

I love meat and these two are my favorite kinds of meat. I basically eat them almost every day. I can honestly say I’ve never gone on a week without eating pork in at least three meals.


These ten things seem simple and I deliberately chose them for their simplicity. Because I know my obstacle won’t be something physical or financial – but a mental kind of obstacle. And, let’s be honest here, that’s still a rather difficult obstacle to surpass.

I do hope I’ll be able to try all these this year. I mean, I have 359 days left, so this should still work, right?

Are you trying out new things this year? What are your goals for 2018? Tell me all about it below! Also, if you have a blog post you recently published about your 2018 goals, I’m giving you permission to share them below too! 😉

kate

Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram | Bloglovin

PS: How to Achieve the Big Goals + I know I should have announced this last Wednesday but I got unexpectedly preoccupied so here ya go:

The winners to my Blog Birthday Giveaway are:

Ignited Moth
Lia
The Unknown Wiki

Congratulations! Whoop whoop! I will be contacting you guys in that order between now and March 31st 🙂 Thank you so much to everyone who participated! I plan on doing at least one this year as well so look out for that, okay? Okay!

Photos from: Bryan Minear via Unsplash and Say Hello Photography
You can check out the Invisibilia episode, Bubble-Hopping, and the rest of the episodes from the awesome NPR show here.

What’s Stopping You From Doing What You Want to Do?

Seriously. I’m curious.

Think of something, just one thing, right now. Something that you’ve always wanted to do but never found the time. This urge deep, deep inside you that just wants out. It just screams to be shared to the world. But it didn’t get to.

What is it that’s holding you back? That’s making you hesitate to take the first step? That no matter how many times you’ve replayed Shia Labeouf’s iconic (and probably now a classic) motivation clip, you STILL didn’t do it?

Is it your need for perfection? Or is it procrastination? Is it maybe because you feel guilty? Or you have more important things to do? Or you feel like you’re not ready for it? That you’re not good enough?

What’s Stopping You From Doing What You Want to Do? | Personal Growth, Fear, Positivity

I like to think there’s one word for it, whatever it is that’s holding you back:

Fear.

I mean… perfectionism? That’s fear. Procrastination? Fear. Guilt? Busy-ness? Insecurity? F E A R.

Me + Fear = Self-doubt

At the start of the year, I planned this monthly creative thing. During each month, I was supposed to work on one huge illustration. It was supposed to be my 2017 creative project where I could improve on anatomy, get out of my creative comfort zone, practice putting more details on my work.

Now that I think about it, they’re all ambitious shenanigans.

Three months into it, I was still okay. I got to create illustrations that I was proud of, even now. But March was also the last month of our school year. Things got hectic and busy. I was meeting project deadlines. At the same time, deep inside me, doubt was starting to grow. Doubt on myself, mostly. On my art.

Utterly overwhelmed, I ran towards and hid behind the protection the busy-ness of school life provided. I had more important things to do, I reasoned out. I needed to make a priority. Funny thing, this was exactly what happened to me last year. I threw out everything not related to school.

My art, my blog, and *chokes* books.

That was hell, I tell you. And I regretted not having enough time for my hobbies.

I promised myself I wasn’t going to be like that this year. But, surprise surprise, I went back into that rabbit hole. Less than a year later.

Here’s another example:

I am a World-class Procrastinator™. Most times, I procrastinate because I’m lazy (especially in things like, you know, school). But sometimes I procrastinate in creating a blog post or doing this illustration that I’ve been planning in my head for a while now. And I constantly beat myself up over it.

Fear manifests into your life in so many ways

You might take a look at what’s holding you back and think, “Pssh, nah. That ain’t fear.” But if you look real close and think about it real hard, you’d realize that yes it is fear.

My refuge to busy-ness? That’s me avoiding the challenge I’ve set myself up because of self-doubt. Because I was afraid of failing that challenge. Being a creative procrastinator? That’s me fearing I won’t do what I imagined in my mind justice.

Like, you know how boggarts transform into that very thing you’re afraid of? How it turned into a giant spider for Ron and a dementor for Harry? That is the very essence of fear.

It morphs and takes different shapes, depending on the person that encounters it.

Now, I’m facing another encounter with fear. And it’s holding me back again. But this time’s different. I refuse to let it hold me back. I don’t want to feel awful at myself because I didn’t try to step away from my fear. Not anymore. And if you’re in a similar position as me right now, neither should you.

So what can we do about it?

Really, the first step to all this is knowing you’re afraid of something. And that fear is holding you back.

Sometimes we like to be in denial even with ourselves. I get it. My gosh, it can be sooo hard to be honest with yourself. Because truth is supposedly simple but it also hurts, which makes it so difficult to confront, let alone acknowledge.

So I always take the phrase “reflect on your actions” to heart. I try to give myself time and space alone to reflect on what I did and why I did it. Sometimes I reflect while doodling. Sometimes I’m just staring at my ceiling while the Hamilton soundtrack is playing in the background. I couldn’t care less, so long as I’m reflecting and acknowledging my flaws and fears.

If pure, staring-blankly-into-space reflection is hard for you, here are other ways you can reflect:

<3 Talk with someone—whether it’s a friend, or a confidante, or a professional

<3 Write an entry in your journal

<3 Meditate or do yoga

<3 Read books in a genre you rarely read

<3 Cook or bake

<3 Do pottery or other crafty activities

<3 Listen to relaxing music

When you’re at that point where you’re frustrated at yourself because you are not doing the thing that ignites your passion, it’s time to reflect. Ask yourself, “What is it that’s holding me back? What am I afraid of?”

Awareness is always the first step. The moment you are aware of your emotions and fears, the moment you acknowledge their existence, the rest is a little bit easier to deal with. At least that’s what I think 🙂

Check back here again next Wednesday for part two of this… Post? Impromptu series? Whatever you call it. 😉 I will talk about the rest of the steps you could take to step out of fear’s grasp and start doing what you’ve always wanted to do. For now, take the first step. And tell me:

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never got to? What’s holding you back? Is it fear just like mine? Do you take time for self-reflection? How do you reflect on your day?

I’d love to hear your stories and thoughts! 🙂