The one thing you need to have when creatively frustrated

When it comes to creating something, the beginning is usually the best part.

That spark of inspiration, the glass-chime music of a new idea. The hairs at the back of your neck is raising, you get this deep but light feeling in your stomach — as if you’re hungry, but you’re really not. It feels like an incoming storm surge, but kinder, with its deep underground rumble.

And then… boom!

It comes at you intensely, crashing against your body like huge waves. You’re typing like a madman, going 100 words per minute. You’ve written The Best Introduction™ in a long time.

The dialogue between your MCs is sooo witty, you even chuckle-snorted. Your palette looks wonderful, and you mixed all the colors right. The anatomy of the hands is perfect and the shading is just as you imagined it to be.

It’s a dopamine hit.

You go into the creative process with maximum motivation, like a car with the turbo booster on. I love this part. You love this part. Anyone who creates things loooves this part! We all wish we could be in this oh-so-wonderful state of being for-freakin-ever. To be completely in the flow, because it feels like you are living and breathing creation itself. Like you’re freaking Te Fiti!

And then it’s gone.

Like any other booster, it sputters and fizzes out until there’s none left. The water is calm again. The intense inspiration leaves your body, replaced by an equally intense frustration.

Suddenly, the words feel foreign. The phrases don’t sound anywhere near poetic. The prose you first thought was brilliant is now utterly cheesy. The fingers look off. That purple doesn’t go well with that red. You realize how crap you actually are. Thoughts are going through your head at record speed:

“What is happening?”

“This looks wrong.”

“Why isn’t this fun anymore?”

“Why aren’t I as good as the masters?”

“This is wrong.”

“What am I gonna do?!”

“I am no good after all.”

Creative frustration. This is what happens when the fleeting, carefree pixie we call inspiration leaves our body in the middle of an incredible burst of creative flow.

It’s when the “Holy crap this is so good!” turns to “Holy crap this is tHE wORsT.”

I bumped into good ol’ Creative Frustration several months back. I was struggling with writing a draft for a blog post. I did not know how to convey into words what I was feeling and what I was thinking. It all just felt so wrong.

Stopping meant I wouldn’t be able to finish that blog post, and worst case scenario, lose that bout of inspiration that made me start writing it in the first place. But forging ahead meant the rest of the words I write, and the little jokes I put, would feel forced and unauthentic.

I guess, when we create something, we have this mental picture of its final look, an expectation. So when it doesn’t look anywhere near that, when it doesn’t meet your expectations (which is almost all the time ugh), it’s incredibly frustrating. You become resentful – at your work and, mostly, at yourself. Then the self-loathing starts.

You try to keep going but you can feel the awkwardness of every move you do or every word you typed or every stroke you put onto canvas. Everything just feels so wrong.

It’s usually at this point when you have the sudden urge to burn your work, or tear it to shreds, or lob it to the bin. This is when people usually throw in their towels and raise their white flags, surrendering to creative frustration.

But before you pull the plugs on that creative project, hear me out.

That creative frustration? It’s a natural part of the creative process.

You go through creative frustration in order for you to finish that work-in-progress. It may not look like it, but it can be very helpful too. It urges you to move. Being frustrated makes you want to try harder!

So what’s that one counterattack you can do when creative frustration hits?

Two words: creative stubbornness.

I was about to throw in the towel with that difficult blog post I mentioned earlier, but artistic stubbornness kicked in and I kept on writing. I tried not to look at the previous sentence or the previous paragraph. (Which was incredibly hard, let me tell you.) I only focused on putting one word after another. Side note: Practicing free writing was so useful in times like this, you guys.

Once I felt done with that first draft, I saved it and closed the Word document and stepped away from the computer. The next day, I started reading through what I wrote and began editing.

That’s when I realized that my initial topic morphed somewhere in the middle and turned to something else entirely. (In case you’re curious, it was this post about free writing.)

Sometimes, when you soldier on, you find great things you did not quite expect when you started.

Sometimes, you find your work is even more beautiful or more meaningful than what you first got on.

I think that’s the beauty of creative frustration and stubbornly going through it. With that, I leave you with this quote from a wise old lady of the Interwebs (aka: she’s been around since 2008 whaaat)

Do you experience creative frustration too? How do you cope with it, and what do you do to get through it? I would love to hear your thoughts!

xx Kate

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Photos from Ivory Mix

September 5, 2018 8 Comments

Do this when your Fear of Missing Out is at its all-time high

Imagine this. One fine morning, you wake up and realize, “Oh my god, I’m doing the same thing over and over every day!” So you end up doing every conceivable thing you haven’t tried in a matter of days or weeks. You try to tick out this super long bucket list before this internally-set deadline comes to pass.

At the end of the day, you feel extremely exhausted and, um… not quite as accomplished as you thought you would be..?

There was an exact same episode in Modern Family about this. This kid Manny realized that he’s missing out on things that boys his age often do. And so, before his thirteenth birthday came to an end, he set out to do several of them like phone pranks and lying on a colorful float in the middle of the pool.

Let’s all be honest here: we’ve had our Manny moment.

We’ve all had an episode or two of FOMO, or fear of missing out, especially in this age of social media and being constantly connected to the entire world. Add to that, this growing pandemic of comparisonitis, some of us practically experience FOMO, like, twice a week tops. (Or is that just me? Hmm.)

But every once in a while, there’s that day. When your mind decides to jump deep, deep down into this FOMO rabbit hole and you then go into an existential crisis. You question the meaning of your life. You wonder if you’ve done stuff people your age “often do”. You think, Am I missing out on the most important things???

Life is a roller coaster ride of changeable wants.

One minute, you want to have a stable routine. The next minute you want to change it up a bit. It’s all fun and exciting until you reach either edge of the spectrum – too attached to a routine to make room for changes, or frantically doing new things by the minute. And we often suffer the latter. (Case in point: the Manny moment.)

The good news is: we can find a balance. We can deal with this fear of missing out in a healthy, do-no-harm way. Here’s what you can do when FOMO is at its peak level.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

I did not drop that c-bomb above for show, you know.

If not treated early, comparisonitis could be a deadly disease that could severely affect your life. I should know. I have comparisonitis as much as an active child has snot and bruised knees. Which is, like, nearly every day. And fear of missing out? That’s an effect of comparing yourself to others. You take a look at other people’s lives and you take a look at yours. And (because we’re often too hard on ourselves) you come up with the conclusion that you’ve done less than anybody else. Cue FOMO.

Friend, stop it. Comparisonitis never gave us any real benefit. So you can definitely cut that out of your system and out of your life.

Look Into Your Inner World

Know what you want in your life. A lot of us are so hung up on wanting to experience #AllTheThings that our external world can offer us, we forget to take notice of the incredible world right under our nose… or, you know, inside our skull.

Getting to know yourself is intimate and it is extremely important in order to not let FOMO reach its peak. If you want to learn how to find yourself but don’t know where to start, I HIGHLY encourage you to read Syaza’s amazing post about how to find yourself when you’re feeling lost. It’s like meditation on paper… or mobile screen, whatever. It’s amazing and may enlighten you with some awesome ideas!

Remember that We All Run on Different Paths in Different Paces

Life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. And you have to remember that there’s no one participating in your own marathon but yourself. Sure, it may look like you and some other people are running in the same direction. But sooner or later, your paths will diverge. They’d go the other way, and you’d continue on yours. You’ll have a few stops somewhere in the middle, and new people will pass you by. And you’ll also pass by some. But these people? They’re not “ahead” of you. In the one-man marathon you’re in, no one ever is or ever will be.

Let Go of the Limiting Beliefs

My sweet, sweet potato, limiting beliefs are comparisonitis’s nasty cousins. They are good at nothing but, well… limit you. Let them go. You do not need them. You are better off without them.

Side note: I do understand that letting limiting beliefs go is easier said than done, so I’ve listed 5 common limiting beliefs you may have and how to vanquish them like a bogart. *whips out wand*

Take Inventory of What You Have Right Now

I like to think that we all have a box we carry with us all the time. And the more we grow, and the more we experience life, we pick up stuff that we put inside our box. Do an audit of what’s inside your box. And while you’re at it, don’t look at other people’s boxes! Just focus on your own box. Look at all the things that you’ve picked up over time. What’s in it? How do these things impact your life? What good did they bring you?

Folks, this is gratitude. Or… you know, how I practice gratitude in my life. By looking at my box. By being extremely grateful of what I’ve brought along and carried with me in this journey called life. And then, and only then, can I trudge forward, to try new things and meet new people and live my life to the fullest.

Have you ever experienced boss-level FOMO? How did you deal with it? Share your stories and insights below, we’d love to hear (or read) them! <3

xx Kate

Photos from Ivory Mix

August 29, 2018 11 Comments

Trying everything all at once achieves nothing

When I was a kid (and I was unknowingly living the glory days of not having to stress over college) I used to play this game. I called it “Don’t Let the Balloon Touch the Floor.” It’s a simple game: you launch the balloon up in the air and not let it touch the floor. And I enjoyed it. I felt like one of those superheroes when they do that agility trickery-do. I felt like I could do anything.

Now, imagine what would happen if there were more than one balloon you have to keep from touching the floor. Imagine twelve balloons. Suddenly it’s not so enjoyable now, is it? It will become tiring. You’d have to be in different places and look at all twelve balloons at once. Before long, you’d be out of breath and frantic. You’d be overwhelmed.

That’s also what happens when you try to work on everything – and I mean every minute detail – in your life at the same time.

I find that high-achievers and perfectionists such as myself struggle with this. Not only do I try to juggle college and blogging and my art and the occasional freelancing I get. I want to do all of them at the same time – and do it per-fect-ly. I want to keep all these balloons from touching the floor because they are all important. They all hold significant places in my life. It just feels wrong to choose one from the other when I could do everything I can to keep all of them afloat, right? Right???

Wrong, Kate. W R O N G.

Look, I love Shakira and I love Zootopia and Judy but I don’t think this is what they meant by “trying everything”. And okay, there’s nothing wrong with trying to find that delicious middle ground where you manage to balance everything. Work-life balance is, like, every twenty-something’s dream. Being a Master Multitasker just feels like the Productivity Holy Grail.

But to perfectly manage every aspect in your life perfectly?? It’s just damn near impossible.

Here’s the difficult pill to swallow:

If you want to exercise more regularly, but also eat more nutritiously, and meditate, and be more productive and write more words a day and also, like, want to master crocheting all-at-freaking-once, can you possibly dream of achieving any one of those things?

(In case you’re curious, yes, that pill is still stuck in my throat.)

Surprisingly, there are people who could. But the vast majority of the world can’t. I can’t. A lot of the people I know can’t. And if you’re one of us and you’re agonizing over this, I want you to know there is absolutely nothing wrong you!

This simply means that you are human (not saying that those who can master multitask aren’t) and you have limitations. You can only do so much at a time. Some things, like self-improvement, are simply not something you can multitask. Trying to improve every aspect of your life all at once will leave you exhausted. Like trying to keep twelve balloons afloat.

Sure, maybe all of the things you have to improve are important. But you don’t have to accomplish them altogether. You can take on one thing and focus on only that one thing.

Instead of balloons, imagine you’re making pottery.

You have one lump of clay on top of the pottery wheel. You work your damn best and do your frakkin-hardest to turn that lump into a work of art. And when you’re done (and it will be a work of art, because I believe in your awesomeness) you move on to work on the next lump. Then the next lump. Then the next. Focus on one thing at a time. Until you’ve accomplished all the lumps you had to work on. Until all of them are works of art.

And look! You didn’t have to juggle everything all at once! Yay you!

Do you also struggle with wanting to self-improve on #AllTheThings? Would you rather multitask on personal goals or try one thing at a time? Share your thoughts below!

xx Kate

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Photo from Ivory Mix

August 22, 2018 16 Comments

Three Key Steps to Challenge Unhelpful Negative Self-Talk

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Most of us have been mentally talking to ourselves for our whole lives. We’ve started doing this the second we learned about words and their meanings and how meaningful – and powerful – words could be.

And often these are the kinds of self-talk we engage in:

Stop that.

You don’t know what you’re doing.

You don’t know anything.

You’re worthless.

I’m going to take a guess this is the kind of self-talk you have, too. The cautious ones. The wary ones. The doubtful ones. Negative self-talk.

How Negative Self-Talk Developed

I read an article somewhere that says the negative self-talk dominating our minds got its root, first and foremost, from our parents. You know how as kids we were always told to keep away from this and that because it’s dangerous? To keep quiet and let the adults talk? To not disturb the old lady across the street? To not disturb anyone?

I’m sure our parentals had good intentions. They were only trying to teach us good manners. But as children with inner worlds still developing, we absorb everything handed to us. We’re basically Spongebobs! As we grow and take in and process the world we see with our eyes, our inner world is building itself too. And all those loving cautions and wariness and doubt?

They embed themselves into our mental blueprint quite early on. Soon enough, we find out there are societal expectations and standards that the rest of the world somehow follow. These too embed themselves into our mind. And, lo and behold, our own little inner critic is born. Kinda like a Powerpuff Girl, don’t you think? And actually,

The Power of Negative Self-Talk

There are studies that have proven constant negative self-talk leads to increased stress, and worst case scenario, anxiety and depression.

Negative self-talk can limit you. It holds you back from your true potential, and get this, it can be self-fulfilling. You constantly tell yourself you’re not good enough to do or be something, chances are you’ll talk yourself out of even trying.

The worst part is that negative self-talk can do all these in sneaky-ninja style. Self-talk is habitual and it happens so fast, you won’t be able to consciously catch everything. But your subconscious does, and it absorbs everything it catches. You may live your life unaware that your self-talk is actually hurting you and affecting the way you see yourself. So here are 3 key steps to challenge negative self-talk.

HOW TO DEAL WITH
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IN THREE KEY STEPS

1 | Be Mindful

Notice what you mentally say to yourself every day. Negative self-talk is a sneaky ninja so being able to suss it out and feel its presence is important. Being mindful of your thought process and what goes on in your head will help in this. I learned that negative self-talk often appears in either one of these three scenarios:

When you encounter something new. It could be a new face or a new challenge or a new idea. Negative self-talk is wary of changes and new things. I’d even go far and say, it’s afraid of change and new things. Which is why it pops out whenever there’s one, and it will do everything in its power so you won’t go anywhere near the change or the new thing.

When your self-worth is being measured. It could be submitting an art for an art contest. It could be passing a major exam. It could be talking to your boss about a project you were assigned for. It could be as simple as picking the outfit of the day. Depending on what you feel measures your self-worth, negative self-talk will be there to criticize you.

When you’re in a stressful situations. We are often at our most vulnerable when we’re in a stressful situation. And sneaky ninjas like your negative self-talk are trained to sneak in on other people in order to get their job done.

It can appear in other scenarios too. And by becoming more aware of your thoughts, you’ll be able to spot negative self-talk before it can do anything else. Besides, ninjas do their work best when they are able to sneak in. Take that element of surprise out of its hands with mindfulness. Rachael Kable is my go-to for anything mindfulness. Her blog and her podcast, The Mindful Kind, is jam-packed with tips and advice on living a more mindful life.

2 | Know Negative Self-Talk’s Worth

Ask yourself: Is this negative self-talk factual or farfetch? Does it matter now and will it matter in five years? Is it helpful to what I want to achieve or is it hurting me? Is this something I’d say to a friend?

That last one in particular is something I find incredibly helpful.

I mean, think about it. When your friend goes to you saying, “I don’t think I can do this.” What do you do? You encourage them. You motivate them. You tell them, yes you can. You definitely don’t go, “Yeah you’re right. Don’t do it.” But isn’t it so weird that we treat ourselves differently?

We expect more highly of ourselves, yet we also know our flaws and imperfections far more than we know anyone else’s. Which is why we’re so harsh. This is exactly what negative self-talk thrives on. So if it’s factual, if it matters, if it’s helpful and if it’s loving, then the negative self-talk is good in a way. But more often than not, the opposite is true. Be sure that it ticks all the boxes.

3 | Create Reframing Exercises Regularly

Reframing your unhelpful negative self-talk is important if you want to challenge it, and ultimately deal with it in a healthier way. You can do this by changing your mindset, journaling, even talking to a friend or maybe a professional. I find that Tim Ferriss’ Fear-Setting is also helpful here, if you’re all for practical and visual way of dealing with negative self-talk.

The key here is to do it regularly. You may never get rid of negative self-talk completely. And you don’t have to! You just have to practice dealing with it and reframing it with something more helpful and more loving. After all, the only way to deal with sneaky ninjas is by constantly practicing your own defenses and counterattacks.

You got this! I believe in you.

How do you deal with negative self-talk? Have I missed out on something incredibly helpful? Share it in the comments below!

xx Kate

Photos from Light & Grace (via Creative Market) and Ivory Mix

August 15, 2018 6 Comments

Self-Love Starts With Self-Acceptance: Why I prioritize accepting myself first

I think self-acceptance is more important than self-love.

And alright, alright. Before you throw the proverbial eggs at me and demand I wear the cone of shame, hear me out.

Self-Acceptance, Self-love, Acceping Yourself, Perfectionism, Personal growth, Inspiration

In my quest to devour as many personal development articles as I could, I came across a quote that, frankly, struck a chord in me. I forgot what the exact words were but the thought was this: “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will find it difficult to love others.”

Honestly, I call BS on that.

Some people are quite capable of loving others wholeheartedly and unquestioningly. But when it comes to themselves, this is a drag-a-square-boulder-up-a-hill kind of battle. It’s difficult. These people often give themselves zero room for errors and set themselves up to extremely high expectations. I always wondered why we do this, why we are so hard on ourselves. And most of us are – especially girls.

I found a bit of insight through Sharon Salzberg. She discussed how we humans were, on an evolutionary standpoint, wired to look for the negativity in our lives. It was literally a surviving mechanism. And this trait has been passed on from generation to generation. It’s probably why we fixate on our failures and inadequacies so much. It’s probably why we do not like our flaws and, ultimately, ourselves.

Look, I’m not saying you should not love yourself. I’m all for that! I just think it’s ridiculous to make it seem like self-love is some kind of prerequisite to other kinds of love. It isn’t. I don’t think so.

I like to believe that self-love, and every other kinds of love for that matter, is one unique experience. Each one is a game utterly separate from the others. They shouldn’t be mushed into one category, as if one kind of love is a level you need to pass through. Learning one kind of love is exclusive of learning all other kinds of love. Apples and oranges, you know?

And here’s what I think:

love needs self-acceptance

It may be accepting the flaws of a partner or child. It may be accepting the shortcomings of a family member or a friend or even a dog / cat / rabbit / bird / unicorn child. Why yes, you can do that to yourself too! You can recognize your flaws and get on better terms with yourself.

Acknowledging and accepting that you are not perfect is very much a part of self-love. But in a way, it’s quite different from the “I love this part about myself” and “I am worthy of good things” cupcakes-and-ice cream kind of self-love that we often see being encouraged in the personal growth community. (Although that’s awesome too!)

Through self-acceptance, you don’t only see yourself for the good and more positive traits that you possess. You also accept the bad and less positive ones. You accept that you are not perfect and are with flaws. You don’t just love the cupcakes and ice cream, you also acknowledge the goodness of broccoli and raisins. You are able to embrace all parts of you. Warts and scars and all.

I mean, aren’t these the parts of ourselves that we find extremely difficult to accept and, ultimately, love? It is because we have these flaws, because we are imperfect, that we hate ourselves in the first place. Sometimes we can focus so much on our shortcomings that we no longer see what we’re good at.
So imagine what would happen if you start to accept your flaws. What would happen if you begin to embrace your imperfections?

This is why in my little journey of loving myself more, I want to focus on self-acceptance. On accepting both the cupcakes and ice cream, and the broccoli and raisins. Because even though those broccoli and raisins don’t taste as good as the cupcakes and ice cream, they’re good for you too. (This is a really long stretch of an analogy but I do hope you get the point.)

Do you struggle with self-love too? What are some of your imperfections that you’ve learned to accept?

xx Kate

Self-acceptance, personal growth, self-improvement, personal development, mindset, self-love, loving yourself, accepting your flaws

Photo from Ivory Mix

August 8, 2018 11 Comments

How to Turn The Comparison Game Around and Actually Help You

Comparisonitis is, unarguably, a real thing. It is an awful modern illness a lot of us have experienced, you know, at least once or twice a year.

And there is nothing more awful than comparing your wonderfully unique self with another equally wonderfully unique person. I’m sure we all know this. Deep deep down.

But we just.can’t.help.it.

Comparing yourself to the people around you is almost as easy to do as enjoying a glass of Coke. Or five. You know too much of that carbonated drink is not good for your health but you keep chug-chug-chugging on, anyway.

By now, you’ve probably heard this a million times but I’m still going to say it: You get zero benefits from comparing yourself to other people. It never turns well.

And as Taylor Swift once wisely said, Never ever ever.

How to Turn Comparison Around and Actually Help You | personal growth, comparisonitis, comparing, self improvement, progress

But I recently came across something on Twitter that you can do instead.

Anoosha is one of the many (many) artists I look up to and she made a thread where she shared her art journey and career path. In it, she cautioned young artists against career comparison and she recommended something mind-blowing instead:

Instead compare yourself to yourself; do you feel any different from last year? Do you feel like you’ve grown, (artistically or just as a person). Focus on self-progress rather than trying to catch up to someone else’s journey when that person has totally different circumstances

— anoosha syed (@foxville_art) April 17, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Reading that, yo, you wouldn’t believe how I reacted. I was just… BLOWN AWAY!

Because to me, that is the perfect way to turn the Comparison Game around. And you can actually do it in the healthiest way possible.

To see that you have grown, one way or another.

And the best thing about comparing your present self with your past self? You’re super focused on self-progress that you have zero time to compare yourself and think about playing catch up with the rest of the world. #Winning!

Here are a 3 things you can compare your present self to with your past self:

1) Your Creative Work

How have you grown, artistically? If you draw, do you have better grasp at anatomy? Or if you’re a writer, do you write better prose? Or maybe even piecing a better analogy?

There’s this meme in the online art community where artists and illustrators share works they did 3 years ago, a year ago and now. It is a super awesome way to see the growth of their art styles. Try doing this in your own creative field.

If you’re a writer, compare what you’ve written from 3 years ago, a year ago and now.

If you’re a photographer, put those three photographs side by side.

This meme is absolutely applicable to almost all kinds of creative field – if not all! – and will visually present to you how much you’ve grown over the past three years.

2) How You React or Respond

Are you calmer and more levelheaded at dealing with conflicts now? Or maybe you are no longer afraid to speak up your mind and are able to disagree with someone’s opinions without being impolite or rude?

Do you say ‘thank you’ more than ‘sorry’? And for my fellow socially awkward potatoes out there, are you slaying those socializing events? (Why yes, actually saying something as coherent as “Yes, it is!” to a total stranger, is huge progress in my book!)

Take some time to self-reflect. Recall a recent experience. Consider how you felt at the time and try to see it in a third person’s point of view. What would younger you have done? Did you respond with more love and respect now than if you faced a similar scenario then?

3) Your Lifestyle

Do you eat more fruits and veggies? Do you no longer wheeze after climbing two flights of stairs? (Honestly, give yourself a pat on the back, that’s great!) Do you no longer give in to your impulsive buying tendencies? Do you make procrastinating work for you? Are you more productive?

I know firsthand that these can be suuuper hard to do. (Especially that not wheezing part.) But it is definitely not impossible!

4.) Your Habits

Are there old bad habits you had that you no longer do? Because omg that’s so great! Bad habits are hard to stop, as they always say. Have you created better habits recently and they now come as easy as breathing to you?

Habits are one of the foundations of someone’s lifestyle. If you have good habits established into your daily routines, this will ultimately define what your lifestyle is. For instance, I used to stay up until 3AM. And so I’d spent most of my commute to and from school asleep. This was kinda okay back in high school, but come college, it was awful. I was perpetually tired and sick. And so I forced myself to go to sleep as late as 10PM so I’d still have adequate amount of sleep. Now, I wake up bright and early and ready to tackle on the day’s work!

Being able to look back on how you were before and comparing it to how you are now helps in boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence. This is proof that you’ve gone so far and have progressed.
And remember: progress comes in many shapes and sizes.

There’s always progress as time flows by. ALWAYS. It’s damn near impossible to be at a total stand still for a year or two. At the very least, a morsel of you have changed because of the things you’ve experienced and what you’ve taken from those experiences. All you’ve got to do is see them for the progress that they are.

What have you achieved recently? Do you have any other tips on how to track your progress?
Share them all below so we can celebrate with you and learn from you at the same time! 🙂

xx Kate

Photos from Say Hello Photography and StockSnap

July 22, 2018 1 Comment

The One Question I Ask Myself when I’m Having Self-Doubt

So you come up with an idea.

And it is an Amazing Idea™. It’s so brilliant, the old masters will roll over their grave with envy if they learn about this. You have to do something about this awesome idea stat.

And so you did. You started working on it. Days and nights passed by your window. Your work desk is getting more and more cluttered. An upbeat and incredibly motivating music is playing in the background while you are in a montage of maximum motivation.

But then– the needle scratches.

The music stops and you realize… what you’ve been working on this whole time? It isn’t like anything you’ve had in mind. It is not the Amazing Idea. It is, in fact, nowhere near amazing.

You plunge into that deep, dark hole of despair. Repeatedly beating yourself over and thinking, “Maybe I’m not good enough to do this.”

Does this sound familiar?

Self-doubt comes unexpectedly to the best of us. And if you're ever bombarded with all the heavy thoughts and doubting yourself, here's one question you can ask.

I like to think of perfectionism as a creative’s very own Kryptonite. See, we somehow follow this unsaid memo that whatever work we’re doing at the moment must be perfect.

That first draft of a novel? Must be perfectly outlined.

That sketch you’ll later post on Instagram? Must be perfectly messy.

That blog post you’re currently writing? Must have no typos.

(Seriously, I’d like to go back in time to find out just who the heck among our early ancestors passed that perfectionist tendencies into our DNA.)

And what happens when this unsaid memo doesn’t get accomplished? You frazzle. You start to panic. You become so caught up in making things 100% perfect that you have 0% energy left to actually finish the work.

You end up repeatedly editing that one line that does not make any sense. Or rereading your unfinished draft to look for typos. Or desperately using water to wash out that part of your drawing that you painted with the wrong color.

At the end of the day, you’re completely exhausted and you realize two things:

1) You’re not perfect.

2) You did not finish anything.

Have you ever felt that way? That you don’t feel happy or satisfied with what creative work you’re making? And you either do a complete overhaul of it or want to throw it to Davy Jones’s locker where you can never ever see it again ever?

Yo I’ve been there too.

Perfectionism was as constant in my adolescent life as acne is. And it was very prevalent in my relationship with my art.

I hated all my drawings. And in the off chance that I do love them, I’d see a mess in the colors or a tiny scratch a second later. And I’d immediately have this urge to do it all over again. Or burn it. For a long time, my perfectionist tendencies made me hate any creative work I made. Be it an essay or a school project collage or a blog post.

This you?

Well then, I want you to ask yourself one simple question. The one question I ask myself now whenever I’m bombarded with the need for absolute perfection:

“Will anyone, other than me, notice this flaw?”

Will anyone else take notice of this tiny flaw and think it ruined the entire piece the way you do?

No.

And I learned this is true most of the time. Most people probably won’t see anything. I know this because whenever I point out a small imperfection that has been bugging me for the entire creative process, you know what people usually say?

I don’t see it.

Or, Oh yeah, there is. But that’s so tiny!

Or, It’s not relevant, Kate. What are you talking about?

And this goes both ways. A friend of mine showed me her work and said she wanted to burn it. And I was totally confused because her work was awesome! We sometimes overlook the fact that we spent the most time looking over our work. (That was a mouthful so yes, you can read that again.) It comes to a point where we’re basically seeing everything in a magnifying glass, focusing on the tiniest specks rather than seeing the bigger picture.

Look, of course I’m not saying it’s okay to half-ass around and overlook the little mistakes you make.

You can’t really fully ignore them. You can’t erase the existence of the form/from typo you’ve written, or that stray stroke of watercolor that doesn’t go anywhere. They’re all there. They exist.

But here’s the thing:

Try taking a step back. Hold your paper at arms’ length. Zoom out that Word document to 10%, until all you could see are the pages you’ve written so far. Look at what you’ve made, the work-in-progress in front of you. It’s a messy work-in-progress, sure. It’ll need a tweak or twelve. But sometimes you need to remind yourself that you created something out of an idea.

Bask yourself in that. Because YOU made that.

And all those tiny flaws you see when you’re hunched down, laser-focused on one certain area? They are just that: tiny. Single specks in the huge amazing canvas you’ve created.

Own that amazingness.

That’s all you.

How do you move past the tiny flaws you find in the creative process? Let us know in the comments below so we’ll learn from your wisdom! 🙂

xx Kate

Photos from Aaron Burden and Ivory Mix

July 3, 2018 10 Comments

9 simple ideas to turn your incredibly sucky, bad day around

It was early in the morning, they’re showing Despicable Me on Disney channel. Pharrell Williams was coolly singing on the background, “I’m having a bad, bad day.” And I just whipped my head towards my brother with the most outraged look, waving vigorously at the TV, “That is ridiculous! No one sounds that cool when they’re having a bad, bad day! NO ONE.”

I said this passionately because I do have a few personal experiences on my belt.

See, I was never sleek or cool or smooth when I’m having a bad, bad day. I’m cranky, my RBF is on Downright-Scary Mode, and I’m storming past every single thing I bumped into. Yes, every-freakin-thing. I even threw my Totoro plushie across the room. (I later cooed him and said I was sorry, though.)

This you?

Welcome to the club, we’ve got jackets.

Bad days often happen quite spontaneously. You wake up 1% cranky. You’re running late and some lady is taking her sweet time walking in front of you and you can’t walk past her. Now you’re 75% cranky.

Or maybe you wake up 1% unmotivated. Or 1% sad. Or 1% pathetic. My point is, things can add up to that one percent and suddenly it reaches the maximum point.

We wish we could go back down to one percent. But I learned that, once we hop into that bad mood, we ride that downhill path with our foot pressing hard on the gas pedal.

And that’s the thing with bad days: when we have it, we somehow believe it’s gonna be this awful for the entire day. Like the entire twenty-four hours. But folks, as someone who deals with bad day-ness like a lady dragon on PMS, I am telling you:

Bad days can still be turned around.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH A CASE OF BAD DAY-NESS

1) Do yoga

So my aunt has been doing the “Legs Up the Wall” pose to relieve her tired legs ever since I can remember. But she has NO IDEA it’s a yoga pose. Even I didn’t know until recently! I got this from her and ever since entering college, I do it on nights when I’m completely exhausted. It also works for restarting your day yo! But any kind of yoga pose you want to try is good too. The point is it will help release the tension in your muscles and make you more relaxed.

2) Try meditation

There was this one time when I was in a seriously bad mood and I listened to the 10-minute guided meditation on the Headspace app, and I kid you not, tears fell from my eyes. Like literal tears. Now, I wasn’t exactly bawling. When I think about it now, it was just another way of releasing the negative emotions. I guess I also cried because it honestly felt relieving.

3) Be with nature

Sometimes there’s nothing more effective than to hang out with Mother Nature, in whatever way you can do so. Maybe you can have a short stroll in the park or a walk by the beach. Even just sitting in your backyard and listening to birds chirping is calming. So that when you go back to the drawing board, you have renewed energy.

4) List down what made you smile today

I wouldn’t say that I am a Type A person but I do have some tendencies. And writing things down certainly helps me get a better grasp on things. Making lists is one way you can apply writing into self-care. Also, just the process of recapping your day so far and looking at what has happened in a more positive light? That’s fun! And it’s gonna work wonders to your well-being yo!

5) Blast your motivational playlist on the speakers

Back when I was in my punk phase, I like to write the phrase “No Music No Life” in a rock-and-rolly kinda font with skulls and crosses all over my notebooks. (Yes, I was that extra in my punk phase.) But it’s true isn’t it? Science has proven how helpful music can be for our well-being. I find playing Florence + The Machine’s “Dog Days are Over” or Hall and Oats’s “You Make My Dreams Come True” instantly lifts my mood and puts me into awkward dancing mode.

6) Read your manifesto

A manifesto is a great tool to keep yourself motivated. I found this really awesome manifesto through Brain Pickings and, ohmygoshyouguys, it is just incredibly well-written and packed with so much motivational power!

7) Make someone laugh

You’re probably wondering why you need to make someone laugh in order to turn your bad day around. Well, there’s this saying that goes: we all do better when we all do better. Simply put, kindness has a two-way effect. It affects the people around us who are the receiver of said kindness. But it also affects us emotionally and mentally. Because doesn’t it feel good when you help someone without expecting anything in return?

Also read: 24 Simple Good Deeds You Can Do Right Now

8) Literally restart your day

I saw this movie before where the girl literally shouted, “Do over!” and a montage of them restarting their day ensued. I used to think it was cute and ineffective. But now I know that literally starting over your day doesn’t necessarily mean rewinding. Nor does it mean waking up like it’s 8 AM and doing your entire morning routine all over again. It’s your attitude that you’re gonna want to start over.

9) Change your outfit

There are weekends when I feel pathetic and useless. Wearing my pajamas, a tornado-wrecked bird’s nest for hair, and melting on my bed for two days. And I’d think, no. This is not how this weekend would go. So I’d change from my pajamas, wear a bra, comb my hair and get out of the bed to work on what needs to be worked on. It always works.

What do you do to turn a bad day around? Share your wisdom with us in the comments below!

xx Kate

PS: Check out how I deal with feeling stuck with life

Photo from Ivory Mix

February 24, 2018 13 Comments

How to Follow Through with Your Goals

This post contains affiliate links. All opinions are my own and I only share things I absolutely love and deem awesome. Read here for my full disclosures.

January 1st is often the time we set and plan our goals for the year. And plan it we do – with glitter pens, washi tapes. Very happily I might add. We’re halfway through February now so I guess it’s an appropriate time to ask:

Hey. How are you?

How are you holding up with that goal of yours? Have you had any progress since January 1st? Have you done anything to make yourself one step closer to reaching your goals or doing that New Thing?

Or… let me take a wild guess on what has happened here:

The motivation to reach your goals is dwindling. Fast. Like alarmingly fast. It’s probably going downhill faster than a sorbetes melting in the Sahara Desert on its hottest day.

Yo I’ve been there too.

Making your goals and resolutions could be the Easiest Thing Ever but the implementing part would be as hard as rocket science. The good news? Following through your goals isn’t rocket science. Here are some awesome ideas that will help you follow through with your goals.

Create daily mantras and positive affirmations

The brain is kinda Type A when you think about it. It likes routine. It prefers repeated tasks because these things are easier for the brain to understand. One particular task you can do that has a great impact, not only to your brain but also emotionally, is creating daily mantras or positive affirmations.

Mantras have always been helpful to me when I needed a little push and self-motivation. I’ve dipped my toes on positive affirmations a few times but never really did it regularly. But I’ve heard many good things about saying affirmations so I’m gonna try them someday.

What to do: Think of several mantras and positive affirmations that strikes the motivation chord inside you. What I do is keep my go-to mantras at the front of my mind so it’s there when I need them. But you can also do a regular habit of telling yourself those positive affirmations every morning. Maud of My Passion Projects does this and she swears by it.

Break down your goals

I’ve talked about this plenty of times before and that’s because I vouch for this so much! Breaking down those big goals into small achievable ones makes total sense.

I mean, think about it. It’s just like eating one whole cake.

We all wish we could gobble it up in one swallow, right? But it’s almost physically unattainable. Unless you’re a dragon, of course.

There are very few, really amazing people who could do it (and I reek of pure envy when I see them.) But most of us just have to rely on a knife and a fork and our hands to break down that cake into an easily consumable slice. Or five. Most likely five.

Applying that delicious analogy to goals: when you break down your big goal to smaller, more achievable goals, all you have to deal with is one piece of cake at a time! And isn’t that easier and FUN??

What to do: Break down your Big Goal into smaller achievable goals. For example, if you want to finish an 80k-word novel in 90 days, you can make small daily goals of 900 words every day. Think NaNoWriMo. And if your Big Goal is world domination, you could break it down to conquering one country — or even one city — at a time. Make use of the W-questions – who, what, why, where, when.

Remember your intentions

Intentions used to sound lowkey woo-woo before but a lot of people emphasize on its importance now for a reason.

Knowing your intentions is gonna be a good foundation to setting, and ultimately reaching, your goals. It’s just as Grandma Tala keeps telling Moana. It’s just like cloud Mufasa’s poetic message to Simba: You have to know who YOU are. Remember where you come from. Your goals root from an urge deep inside you. That root is your intention. Moana said it best: it CALLS you. And so remembering your intention will help you keep track of your goals and guide you to the direction you need to go.

What to do: Write your intention and tack it somewhere you can see everyday. Maybe it’s in the bathroom mirror or your closet door or your work desk or your bookshelf. Bonus tip: make it F-U-N! Take out your watercolors and brushes and do an awesome typography of it. So it won’t look like your professor’s or boss’s super formal memo. (Which, let’s be honest here, is lowkey yish.)

Schedule everything and take action

This is the part that will appeal to your inner General Li Shang: let’s get down to business!

Now that you’ve broken down your goals and remembered your intentions, it’s time to whip out your pen and paper (and the washi tapes and color markers, obvs.) And map out your goal-setting strategy — or if you already did this back in January 1st, review your plan. Revise accordingly and immediately get to work!

Nadalie Bardo of It’s All You Boo has this brilliant goal-setting tip: spend 20% of your time planning and 80% of it slaying the heck out of those goals. And that means taking action. Taking conscious and deliberate action. Because the plans? They’re necessary, sure. But they won’t help you in reaching your goals much if you don’t do the physical work. Remember Shia’s angry motivational cry? Yep. DO IT.

What to do: Make a goal-reaching plan and follow through STAT. Make use of Nadalie’s 20:80 rule.

I use her very own Slay Your Goals planner to keep track of my monthly goals and the New Things I hope to do this year.

It’s a 60-plus-page stationery heaven with a pre-goal planning chapter for establishing your intentions. This one I especially loved filling in because spending a good chunk of my free time mulling over what ignites my soul and sparks a light inside me is practically one of my favorite hobbies. This planner is thought-provoking like that.

But you know what’s the best part? Motivational quotes on every.freakin.page! YAS GURL.

Have an accountability buddy

Supporting yourself is good and all but sometimes we need an outside intervention. For this to happen, you have to share your goals to someone.

Some people like to share it somewhere public, like in Twitter, because they want to be held accountable by their peers and followers. But okay okay, I understand if you don’t want to shout out your goals to the entire world. Even I don’t. I’m quite superstitious like that.

But remember those MVP friends you have? The ones you told about Your Most Embarrassing 7th Grade moment and laughed their butts off for a good hour or so but was still there? Or the ones you told about your deepest, darkest secrets and who have seen you at your lowest? Or the ones who don’t sugarcoat anything to you? And in spite all that, they stayed?

You can tell them, no doubt about that.

These awesome for-keeps friends will help you keep going even when you begin to feel like your goal is a piece of nonsense crap that won’t solve global warming. Because not only will they hold you accountable, they will be your personal cheerleaders too!

What to do: Reach out to the most no-nonsense people you know. Those who won’t accept excuses and easily sympathize to your silly reasons. This will be hard. Believe me, there will come a time when you will looowkey regret asking them to be your accountability buddy. But that lowkey regret will be nothing once you reached that goal and will be eternally grateful to them 🙂

Give yourself a little more compassion

You know what’s one of the biggest obstacles we face when we embark on the journey of reaching a goal? OURSELVES.

I know. Shocker, isn’t it.

But really, the fear living inside you can be such a powerful villain in your story. It’s, like, much more powerful than Voldemort and rotten cheese combined. It will creep into your mind faster than the smell of rotten cheese can reach your nose.

It probably doesn’t even have to creep into your mind because it’s already there.

And one of fear’s superpowers? To make your dreams and goals less enticing than they were the first time. To make them look like an utter piece of crap that won’t be helpful to anyone. Fear does this by utilizing how much we dread failure. So cut yourself some slack. Give yourself a little more compassion. Remind yourself that reaching your goal has a purpose and that it will be helpful.

Forgive yourself when you couldn’t do a 360-day goal in thirty days. Most of us can’t and that’s fine. You have 300 days left, more or less. Fight on, yeah? Yeah!

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

What’s your progress in reaching your goals? Is your motivation currently dwindling? What are you doing to keep yourself motivated? Share them all below!

PS: Check out how to achieve the Big Goals

LOVE THIS POST? DON’T FORGET TO PIN IT!

Photo from Ivory Mix

February 17, 2018 11 Comments

You may not need to be an early bird to be productive

In my quest to fight procrastination and have a productive day every-freakin-day, I have probably spent hours* on Pinterest scrolling through productivity articles and infographics. At this point, I can already expect one advice the productivity experts all give:

Wake up early. Like 5 AM early. Because early bird gets the early worm, right?

Well, uh… Not all the time?

Take it from an early bird: Waking up early may not be enough.

It’s not necessarily the “abracadabra” you have to do so your day would magically be a productive one. It works on some people. But on others? Not so much.

*procrastinating, and yes the irony isn’t lost on me.

Why Waking Up Early is Not Enough

Your Biological Preferences

If you think my procrastinating-on-studies binges are counterproductive, think again. It was in one of these “I’m bored, let’s go on Google” moments that I learned about how much sleep certain successful people have.

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, The Dalai Lama and Arianna Huffington sleeps for seven to eight hours every day. Meanwhile, Tom Ford, Angela Merkel, and Indra Nooyi are part what’s called the “sleepless elite” and get by with four to six hours of sleep (yish.) And Winston Churchill and LotR author J.R.R Tolkien usually get out of bed late in the morning.

Here’s what I took away from this:

Different people have different sleep schedules and yet they can still function well every day and succeed in what they do.

I truly believe there are as plenty of preferences as there are people. So, really, it all comes down to knowing yourself. Your strengths and weaknesses, your limits and your nonnegotiables.

Whether you need to drink coffee first to switch on your human being-ness, or simply rush off in thirty minutes like a freakin-tornado.

Your Peak Time

I know people who work best during the witches’ hour and those who work best really early — like waaay before the sun plays peak-a-boo at the east. I find I work best in the middle of the day since I’m practically a lazy potato early in the morning and a tired potato by 9 p.m.

Friend, get this: There is no One Ideal Work Time.

We all do our best work at different times of the day. Which is comforting, right? It is quite relieving to know what works best for others may not work best for you and vice versa. The sad part is the nine-to-five work day is the “regular working hours”, as if there is some kind of predictable schedule.

But creativity and inspiration and our own bodies have a different concept of time. Which is why waking up early in the morning? It may not be enough to have a productive day — not for everyone, at least.

So what can you do to have a productive day?

Be Disciplined

You could do this in different ways like:

+ Making a schedule and following it, if you’re a Type A person or simply have a knack at being organized.

Kelly Exeter, who co-host my favorite self-improvement podcast ever, has this two-notebook system which you may find interesting if you like a simple yet very efficient system to organize your life.

+ Setting a rewards system to motivate yourself into doing stuff.

+ Reminding yourself of the importance of finishing a task.

Discipline is built by deliberately doing what needs to be done and, in time, it becomes some kind of habit. For example, I mentally negotiate with myself into finishing a task and be like, “If you finish this and that now, we can have time to read that fanfic update we’ve waited for months.” That usually convinces me enough to get to work.

To learn more about how to build your self-discipline, check out this video by Thomas Frank of College Info Geek. Side note: Marcus Aurelius is like my mom, I swear.

Get to Know Yourself

You know how I mentioned about your body clock and your peak productivity time above? The whole point I was trying to say is that maybe, my fellow procastinating productivity-finding adventurer, you don’t have to look anywhere else.

The only person you have to focus on is YOU.

When you know what triggers your Super Saiyan mode or what makes you bloom beautifully like a sunflower on a bright sunny day, everything else will run smoothly.

Maybe you hit your 5000-word goal after a rigorous morning workout session, maybe you can write and schedule two months’ worth of blog post after angry-cleaning in the afternoon, maybe a midnight cake break is all you need to finish that thesis today. (I mean, let’s face it. We all need a midnight cake break at least once in our lives, right?)

The point is: you get to know yourself better and you do what works best for you.

Take everyone else’s pieces of advice with a grain of salt. (Yes, even this one.) Try one or three of them, but if it doesn’t work on you, that’s completely okay! Just try something else! Because something else is bound to work.

And when something does work for you? Boy oh boy. The world better watch out. Because you’ll be unstoppable!

How many hours of sleep do YOU need? Does waking up early prove to create a productive day for you? Share them in the comments!

Let’s be friends!

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PS: How to get through an exam week alive + Why you need to try free writing

Photos from Wonderlass and Raw Pixel

February 10, 2018 9 Comments

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Look Into Your Inner World

Remember that We All Run on Different Paths in Different Paces

Let Go of the Limiting Beliefs

Take Inventory of What You Have Right Now

How Negative Self-Talk Developed

The Power of Negative Self-Talk

HOW TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IN THREE KEY STEPS

1 | Be Mindful

2 | Know Negative Self-Talk’s Worth

3 | Create Reframing Exercises Regularly

1) Your Creative Work

2) How You React or Respond

3) Your Lifestyle

4.) Your Habits

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH A CASE OF BAD DAY-NESS

1) Do yoga

2) Try meditation

3) Be with nature

4) List down what made you smile today

5) Blast your motivational playlist on the speakers

6) Read your manifesto

7) Make someone laugh

8) Literally restart your day

9) Change your outfit

Create daily mantras and positive affirmations

Break down your goals

Remember your intentions

Schedule everything and take action

Have an accountability buddy

Give yourself a little more compassion

Why Waking Up Early is Not Enough

Your Biological Preferences

Your Peak Time

So what can you do to have a productive day?

Be Disciplined

Get to Know Yourself

HOW TO DEAL WITH
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK IN THREE KEY STEPS