A Case Against 21st Century’s Biggest Career and Life Advice

orange glove gesturing stop with greenery background

“Follow Your Passion”

I feel like this has been the go-to advice people give to others. Like ceramic cherubs are the go-to souvenirs in weddings, and McDonald’s is the go-to place for eating greasy food. (Except in the Philippines. We kneel only for our lord and master, Jollibee.)

And I have a problem with that. (The advice, not Jollibee.)

Let me be clear, though. I do not completely, wholeheartedly hate this advice. I am all for going after what you love and seeking your own version of joy in life through the things you are passionate about. Whenever I come across inspiring stories of people finding success in doing things they love, I telepathically send my congratulations and throw them colorful confetti.

But I have a bone to pick with how “follow your passion” has somehow become penicillin. A cure-all advice for any career and life woes.

Not sure what you wanna do? Follow your passion.

Unhappy with your job? Follow your passion!

Wanna be successful? Follow! Your! Passion!

STOP.

I know this as someone who was given this same advice for many career and life struggles. Be that with my career, or with my identity as a creative, or with life as a whole. It was such a shiny new thing, this advice. So I heeded it and expended most of my energy into it.

To be fair, for a while, it worked. But that’s the thing with “follow your passion”: it only works for a while.

Why “Follow Your Passion” is A Bad Advice to Give

The more I think about it, the more I realize that “follow your passion” is a McAdvice. It’s a short-term fix for hunger, not supposed to be the sole composition of your entire diet. When I said I had a bone to pick with this McAdvice, I was lying. I have three bones to pick.

First off, it’s vague af

You know how in stories, the most clichéd answer to “Where are we going?” is “You’ll know it when we get there.”

Every single time I hear that line, I want to hURL something across the room.

It’s up there in my list of “Top 10 Clichés I Want Thanos-Snapped and Gone Forever.” And the reason why I hate that line is the same reason why I find “follow your passion” a bad advice. It’s vague as fuck.

Is it helpful? Perhaps. But can you go anywhere with this advice alone? I don’t think so.

You start thinking it’s that One Thing™

You know, as much as it’s good being told you’ve got that one thing by five good-looking boys, that’s not the case when it comes to finding and following your passion.

And “follow your passion” implies that you can only be passionate about one thing in your entire life.

People aren’t only passionate about just one thing. At least not everyone. Which is why I find it ridiculous advising others to find that one passion and follow that one passion for, like, ever.

As the popular saying goes, “Change is the only constant thing in this world.” Life itself is naturally fluid and flexible. The things we loved as kids may not be something we love now. I used to think McDonald’s burger was the superior burger but now I believe Jollibee’s have the best fast food burger. And even my burger loyalty may change in the future!

Why, then, must we limit our passions — the prime sources of inner exhilaration and excitement — to just one thing?

“Follow your passion” makes everything seem so freaking easy

There is this notion that by following your passion, the rest will just fall into place. Admittedly, that’s quite romantic but it’s also disregarding the nuances and complexities of life.

“Follow your passion” is an advice that does not consider human’s inherent changing nature.

Look, I’m not saying that, when it comes to a meaningful career and life, passion is a non-factor. Of course, it is! But it isn’t the only factor, nor is it the biggest one — at least, it isn’t the biggest factor all the time.

A happy, fulfilling life does not rely solely on finding and following a passion.

Which then leads me to ask: when trying to create a meaningful life, why must we be so laser-focused on passion?

Passion, Our Fleeting Friend

When you think about passion, you think about intensity. You think about how it’s burning into your very being, calling you to do The Thing and to do it now. And when you listen to its call, there is this sense of complete uninhibited joy. This mix of delight and accomplishment. It’s an amazing feeling.

That intensity may run incredibly long.

But it can also run incredibly short.

Passion is erratic. Like its close cousin, Inspiration, it knocks on the doors of our hearts at the most unexpected times. It likes to bring interesting goodies and playtoys, those both old and new. Passion urges us to do things and we oblige happily. Then it leaves whenever, and we are at a loss and with no clue how to finish what we’ve started.

As a creative, I’ve relied heavily on both Passion and Inspiration to forge ahead with my creative endeavours. And I can tell you that they are, in fact, not so reliable and not always available.

Will I stay friends with them? Abso-freaking-lutely. I love them to death. I enjoy their company. You know how some friends you meet once in a while and you don’t tell them your entire life story or share your insecurities? But also that doesn’t make your friendship any less precious? Passion and Inspiration are simply that kind of friends.

So rather than “follow your passion”, what can you do to lead a meaningful life?

Follow your curiosity.

Way back in 2017, I first heard these three words from Elizabeth Gilbert. It felt like a personal breakthrough. Here was my door out of this passion, be all end all mindset that I’ve been stuck in for a long time. And boy, it was freeing.

Passion is fleeting and finite; curiosity is everywhere. It works as a subtle nudge your way. I love how Robert J.K. Lee describes it:

Curiosity moves in ways that could be described as gentle, contemplative, unusual and even pensive. As an elemental metaphor, Curiosity acts like water. It is shapeless, but it interacts with you in different ways. […] Curiosity invites you to cast attention and notice something that you hadn’t before.
– Robert J.K. Lee, “5 things I’ve learnt about being friends with Curiosity and Passion“

My Curiosity Journey

When I think of that one thing that Curiosity gently guided me towards, watercolor comes to mind.

I was scrolling through Instagram one time. Back then, I was new to the platform and didn’t know what it was for. But it recommended one video of someone demonstrating how to paint loose floral illustrations using watercolor.

And I was entranced. Like seriously. I felt like I was three years old again and I just watched Teletubbies for the very first time.

It was a whole new kind of magic. The way the paints flow to where water is, the way two colors interacted with each other. The way these tiny puddles of color turned into petals and then magically, a flower.

I was hooked.

Looking back, I could have simply stayed hooked and kept on watching. But already Curiosity was there, gently tapped on my shoulder and whispered,

What is that?

The first few months, I bought everything cheap from the department store office supplies. My first ever paints and brushes and papers were the ones you used in middle school, but I was too damn excited to try to even care. I tried painting flowers and leaves. I tried to do flat wash. (Because holy shit, you can make something close to solid from such a fragile-looking pigment??? 2016 Kate ain’t ready for gouache.)

And you know what? I SUCKED.

My flowers looked like rotting plants. When I tried painting a galaxy the first time, it was like a zombie wasn’t feeling well and it vomited brains. Everything I painted was godawful. There were definitely times when I wanted to give up and go back to my black and white ink art. But every time, I’d feel Curiosity lightly tapping behind me.

Hmm… what if I mix these two colors…

What would it look like if I sketched a person first?

I wonder what would happen if I use both inks and watercolor…

Curiosity, Our Guiding Friend

In retrospect, many of the things I’m now passionate about were born out of curiosity. I didn’t even realize it but at some point, Curiosity had already handed me over to Passion. Because that’s what Curiosity does.

Sometimes.

I really want to stress this out. When I say follow your curiosity, I’m not saying it will eventually guide you to your passion or even your purpose. Following your curiosity may lead you to your passion. But sometimes it doesn’t. And that’s okay. That is not the point of all this.

Perhaps you’d feel excitement and delight. Maybe you’d even feel that complete and utter joy when the curious things become passion things. Or maybe you won’t. Maybe you’d lose the interest before it could become something grand.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

The moment you lose interest, let it go. Keep only the memories andand the learnings. Carry on following your curiosity. See where it leads you this time around. What adventure, or non-adventure, it has in store. Experience the moment fully and treasure what lessons it gives.

Isn’t that, in and of itself, what meaningful life is all about?

Photos from Gary Bendig and Alexander Ramsey

January 27, 2020 4 Comments

Gender Bias: Reflecting on a Conversation I Overheard in Class

Earlier this week, I overheard something during class. See, our professor wasn’t around so I spent the period making notes of another subject (Do you see the sad life I’m currently living??? *cries ungraciously in the distance*)And while writing, I… ~~kinda~~ eavesdropped on the conversation of the people in front of me. I can’t really help it because our desks were near. Heh. #Excuses

Basically, the guy was talking about how he was mugged and he lost his phone. And the girl he was talking to was baffled.”How is it possible that you were mugged?” she asked, not in verbatim by the way, but that was the idea. “Why wouldn’t I be?” the guy asked, equally puzzled.

And then, the girl, God help her, said something along the lines of, “Well, girls are supposed to be the ones getting robbed.”

I know, right?

I was on the verge of crying out, “Wait what?!” at that point. So was the guy. She went on explaining that it’s because girls are often seen as weak and that makes them more susceptible to getting mugged than guys. That guys are less likely to get robbed because they’re seen as strong.

I share my reflection on a conversation I overheard, regarding gender bias | Millennial, Life

Ya gotta admit, she has a teeny-tiny point. We do have set cultural expectations on men and women, with the former being strong and the latter being subservient.

Still. I would like to think that thieves and petty criminals scour their potential victims carefully. I mean, they would have a certain level of street cleverness, right? Even fantasy novels with thieves and assassins imply that, don’t they???

More importantly, it felt wrong to generalize.

Because that conversation I overheard? That is a perfect example of gender bias experienced by everyone. The progress we have with stereotypes for women are, at best, crawling and at worst, stagnant. And yes, one of the reasons is because of how men see us. But then women themselves have this same generalization on their own gender.

See, I think this is why we aren’t getting past through all this gender bias. Or any bias for that matter. And we won’t anytime soon.

UNLESS.

We start thinking out of the confining box of categories and stereotypes we like to put ourselves in. Not only be aware, but actually start acknowledging people’s individuality. That we have to constantly remind ourselves that no one is merely a part of a group.

And I’m no exception to this.

I’m no less guilty than that girl in my class. I’ve held both ends of gender bias. I know how discouraging being placed in a box can be. And I also know how these categories and stereotypes can make life so much easier. Because they simplify things. Make them less complicated. And we humans don’t like complications.

The funny thing is: we are complex beings.

And the only way to understand these things better and make them simpler is to accept its complexity.

TALK TO ME: Have you ever experienced being on both ends of gender bias? Or any bias, for that matter? What box/es have you been placed in before? How do you start to see people beyond their stereotypes? Do share your thoughts and opinions below!

Happy Wednesday, awesome peeps! <3

P.S. Ohyeah, and before I forget the most important question: what fantasy novels with assassins and thieves have you read and would highly recommend??? I’ve read The Final Empire, by the way, and it’s definitely a must-read!

July 26, 2017 5 Comments

3 Self-Love and Inspiring Quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Heyy! How are you? Like seriously, how are you? Is school or work or life itself treating you well?

Honestly, I had nothing planned out for today. But then I opened my Pinterest and came across a lovely quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It moved me.

And with a little search on Goodreads (which is a great source for quotes, by the way) I found two more. I also made some quick graphics below for those of you who may need any of the quotes and want to post it on their wall.

I plan on creating my own quotes print someday too but I don’t have the time right now. Hopefully, next month during our summer break 🙂 Anyway, here they are!

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.”

Have a nice day, awesome peeps! <3

March 8, 2017 4 Comments

Why Toxic Relationships Are Like Tooth Decay

Hello hello, you lovely person! Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, ey! And I’m continuing onto my love-themed Wednesday posts.

In the past two Wednesdays, I talked about inspiring love and loving others in general. Today, I want to talk about relationships. Particularly, those that hurt you in the same way that Voldemort made Harry’s Hogwarts life miserable every-freakin-year for seven years.

“Um. We kinda get that from the title, Kate? But what does tooth decay have anything to do with this?”

It’s simple really. Let’s start it with this friend of mine. We shall call her Rose.

Rose was in a relationship for two years. And it was a toxic relationship. I would know because she reached out to me several times. Once she even called me crying about how he hurt her and how pathetic she was.

But I couldn’t understand her.

Why won’t she just break up with the jerk? If he was hurting her too much, then there’s no point working things out, right? But she told me she loved him and she can’t do it. And I decided right then that I’d never understand such thing.

But I was wrong. I did understand, kinda, because I was in a similar position. And what did I likened to Rose’s toxic relationship?

A five-year tooth decay.

My very own li’l Lord Voldemort.

Yes, I know. Maybe you’re disgusted at me right now and thinking why in the world would anyone hold on to something like that for too long?!

Funny, that’s exactly what I was thinking when I listened to Rose’s woes.

The thing is, I had an incredibly sweet tooth that resulted to plenty of tooth cavities when I was a kid. But the toothaches didn’t come until second year in high school.

One part hurt like the devil every time I ate. It instantly ruined both my appetite and day. And I suffered from it for five. Freakin. Years. And it was amazing how I had so many excuses why I wasn’t getting rid of it: I don’t have time, dentist can’t take it out for some reason, too busy with high school then incredibly busy with college. See? Plenty of excuses. But you know what’s the worst and most pathetic excuse I frequently use?

I can’t do it.

I don’t understand why I can’t. It’s not like I loved the little decayed devil or find it valuable to me. But that’s the thing with toxic relationships and long-time tooth decays, I recently learned.

**You feel like you can’t do anything to get rid of it permanently.**

I’m not really comfortable going to the dentist because, holy macaroni, they can be scary! And oftentimes, I reasoned that the ache was just temporary.

The irony wasn’t lost on me.

I didn’t understand why the heck some people won’t just end their painful relationship–it’s easy and they can do it, can’t they? But here I was nursing my own version of a toxic relationship.

So. What can you folks learn from this?

You have a choice

Whether you choose to stay or let all those hurtful things go is all up to you. But remember to give yourself a little self-respect. I guess, subconsciously, I felt like I was punishing my younger self for being selfish with all the candies–man, I was so horrible I even locked my sister out and gorged on a whole pack by myself!

So see, don’t do the same.

(Both being selfish with your fam and punishing yourself)

Don’t allow yourself to be burdened by pain just ’cause you feel like that’s what you deserve.

I mean, I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower but that “love that we think we deserve” part gives so much room for unhealthy self-deprecation. I think there’s a difference between repentance and self-affliction.

Because things like tooth decays and toxic relationships? If you hold onto them for a long time, they gradually become a part of your life. And suffering from them becomes a sort of habit.

And that’s as scary as Lord Voldie.

Outside these two, there are plenty of other things that can give you pain like abusive and stressful work environment.

And so in the end, I guess this post is also a bit about loving yourself.

It has been three months since Rose finally broke up with jerko. She was miserable at first and the egotistical jerk kept indirectly harassing her through Twitter. But she’s happy now.

It was around the same time when I finally went to the dentist to have the decayed tooth taken out. The first few days felt awkward to feel this gaping hole where the teeth had been.

But now I feel no pain and I don’t feel its absence anymore. I guess gums heal just like hearts do, right?

What would you do if something constantly kept hurting you? Got some advice or awesome thoughts? Share them below!

Have a love-filled day, awesome peeps!

February 15, 2017 7 Comments