all the trinkets – Page 6 – navigating life in my 20s

What To Do When You Have Zero Inspiration to Write

We’ve all been there. Cracked some knuckles, poised yourself for the shot and hit the ball rolling. And then the ball skidded to a full stop. Stuck and unable to move.

Inspiration to write? Zero.

Quite an erratic thing, inspiration. It comes and goes as it pleases. Which is why heavily depending on it is a big no-no. Especially if you’re like me and you want to build consistency in your blog or writing project. You need routine and a failsafe system.

And when inspiration suddenly slips away from underneath you, you need a backup plan.

1) Change Your Environment

If you’ve been holed up in your room for more than two hours trying to finish that first draft on your laptop, that’s basically your brain telling you, “I’m tired. I need a change of scenery.”

We can only take so much inspiration to write from one place. And I’m not just saying this for show. Our brains need constant stimulation to work – particularly when it’s doing creative work. The more we stay in one place, the less the stimulation our brain gets from it. For the brain, it’s been sensing the same things for hours. This is why we need go to someplace new. The new surroundings will surely recharge your brain in minutes.

2) Read, read, read

As a fully-fledged bookworm, I am all for reading. Leisure reading, academic reading, reading blogs, reading the back labels of products… I love all of it. If I could, I’d read like twelve stuff all at once.

But anyway. Reading is also great for reviving inspiration, yo!

And you don’t have to read a whole book too! There have been plenty of times when I become inspired just from scrolling through Twitter, or reading on someone else’s comment section.

One of the many awesome things your brain could do is take in information – any information – and process it and create lots of data just from that one piece of information. Our brains are literally biological supercomputers!

3) Bore yourself out

Did you know that boredom is deeply connected with creativity?

Yes, you with your eyebrow skeptically raised. It’s true. Plenty of studies have shown that boredom is a key ingredient to creativity. I actually listed down some of these said studies in this post about boredom and creativity.

But the gist of it is this: When we’re bored, our brain goes into Incubation Mode. This also happens when we’re in a shower or sitting in a car in the middle of a heavy traffic. It’s when our mind wanders, sifting through one thought after another. That’s when inspiration to write — or any kind of inspiration, for that matter — is born.

Also, if you’re still skeptical with this whole boredom and creativity connection, Chris of McAdventure blog also has a blog post all about how boredom relates to creativity.

4) Take a break

I feel like in this Hustle Generation, pausing for a while just isn’t an option. Think about it. Do you know any person who hustles so hard, they forget time to take a break? I bet you do. And I bet you know more than one person.

In my household alone, I know three and I’m one of them.

The problem is, we’re brain-abusers. We try to squeeze out every ounce and make use of every neuron of the three-pound lump inside our skull. We try to cram in our day with as much tasks as we can manage to accomplish.

But see, here’s the thing:

Even our brains need downtime. It needs to rest and recover before tackling on another task. This is why adding in white space into your life is important. Even a thirty-minute break in between tasks goes a long way!

Becoming inspired is important in finishing that first draft, be it a first draft of a blog post or a novel. And your brain is right there at the dead center of it all. Take care of your brain, and you’ll surely slay that first draft!

5) Brainstorm with a friend

If you’re really stuck at a creative dead end, then you can always ask a friend to help you brainstorm. I highly recommend asking for a friend who gets it.

Like, if you’re stuck in writing a blog post, seek help from your blogger buddy. If you need help with worldbuilding, call your writer friend. These friends are much more empathetic with your creative woes than, say, your mom. (Though it doesn’t hurt to ask your mom for help too!)

Remember, it is definitely okay to ask for help, especially when you desperately need it.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

What do YOU do when you have zero inspiration to write? Share your sage wisdom in the comments below!

XX Kate

Photo from Wonderlass

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November 21, 2018 10 Comments

Four Blog Writing Lessons I Learned in Four Years

When you’ve been blogging for long enough, you tend to create routines. You have little systems in place that you’ve developed over time. It makes the entire blog writing experience less stressful.

I’ve learned so many things in the four years that I’ve been blogging. And I realize I rarely talk about them on here. So today, I want to highlight on my blog writing journey and the lessons I learned along the way.

My Writing Voice Metamorphosis: From Cynical Caterpillar to a Better Butterfly

I was one of those early teens in the internet who is angry at the world 24/7. Shocking, isn’t it? But it’s true.

My username was literally Cynical Kate or something. I know it’s hard to imagine now since my personal brand, and by extension my blog’s brand, is spreading positivity and love. (Create and grow happily, yes?)

But that’s my origin story as a blogger and writer.

Somewhere along the way, I realized how emotionally taxing it is to be angry all the time. My fingers tapping onto the keys could sometimes feel more like slamming doors after doors. And I know there are people who thrive in that energy, but I’ve come to find out I wasn’t one of them. I found that there is, on the other hand, so much joy in writing with a happy vibe.

So I did.

Finding the Right Blog Writing Voice

Writing with the right happy vibe was a journey in itself, though. A sub-plot, if you must. I’ve been that blogger who uses lots of exclamation points and making words suuuper looong. I have used gifs and memes. I’ve abused the capslock and emojis.

And while there are also bloggers who are so natural at this, writing this way didn’t feel normal to me. It felt inauthentic and forced.

I didn’t feel like myself.

It wasn’t until I first stumbled upon the Yes and Yes blog that I found inspiration and clarity. I LOVE the way Sarah writes. It’s like your best friend talking to you and the way she put in humor and stories in her post are clever.

That’s the kind of happy vibe I want. Like your funny and clever best friend talking to you.

That, plus my love for analogies – that would go so far as comparing getting past obstacles to a chicken – and adding pop culture references, is my current writing voice.

So what did I take away from those four years of searching for my writing voice?

1) Read as much as you can

This isn’t just me being a bookworm and promoting the beauty and importance of reading. (Although, I’m all for that!) But seriously. To improve as a writer you have to read.

There’s only so much you know and ideas you can come up on your own. I know this because I myself don’t have lots of mindblowing ideas coming out of my brain everyday like how scrabble relates to not giving up on life. I need outside perspective too.

And when I say read a lot, I’m not pressuring you to read 300-page novels either. You can read an online essay on Longreads, or scroll through an article on Medium. Heck, even reading a comment in one of the Facebook groups you’re in goes a long way.

2) You are an important part of the writing equation

You know how most blogging advice on writing a good blog post centers on what your readers like?

Well, that’s true. But I don’t think it’s the entire truth. What your readers like to get from reading your blog is important, sure. But you also need to consider what you like to write.

Think about it:

If you forced yourself to write something that your readers like but you don’t quite enjoy writing, what do you think would happen? The post will come out unnatural and inauthentic. And your readers will sense this.

Format how you like to format your posts. Make use of lists. If you like long paragraphs, don’t be afraid to use them! One way to be authentic online is through doing what you prefer. It’s honestly more enjoyable to read a blog post that’s so real. I talked more extensively about writing a great blog post on the Blog Buddy Program website, if you want to check it out!

3) Learn how to balance self-acceptance and self-improvement

There’s room for improvement but there’s also lots to love about your writing now. This is something I struggled in my first year blogging.

I always thought my writing sucked. I had the habit of publishing impulsively and then reading back what I already published and finding flaws that I edit right then. And I would spend hours doing this. Looking back, that was such a perfectionist Kate thing to do. But it was also very counterproductive.

I talked about this before:

When you choose perfect over finish, you leave zero room for improvement.

Spending so much time trying to fix your work will end up in you getting stuck on doing only that one thing, for-freakin-ever. I’m all for editing, but you need to give it an end time.

4) Finding your writing voice takes time

It could take months or, in my case, years to find and develop your writing voice.

This isn’t to say that your writing right now is awful — not at all! It just means that you aren’t there yet. You aren’t in that place you wanted to be yet. The way I see it, it’s kinda like how an artist’s skill develops and progresses over time.

In fact, both writers and artists (and all kinds of creatives, really) follow the same creative principle: improvement requires hours and hours of practice. This is why it’s important to show up and write stuff and finish writing said stuff. It’s how you improve as a writer.

Remember: even the masters were once novices.

We all have to start somewhere. And really, the only other way to go is up. So enjoy where you are right now. Relish in the things you are proud of, and be excited for a better you ahead. Because there will be a better you ahead. I know it.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

What are some blog writing tips you’ve learned so far in your blogging journey? Share them below!

xx Kate

In another news, November 14^th marks the day this smol blog was born. Which means I’ve been around the blogosphere for 4 years. Which is, like, a century in Internet Days and therefore I am a certified virtual crone.

This little corner of the Interwebs that I call home has gone through so many phases — and I’m sure it will continue to do so. But I never expected my blog to become so important to me. Yet in a way, it had a huge part in making me who I am now.

Gosh, I’m getting sentimental.

Anyway.

As a thank you to all you amazing human beings who made blogging an incredibly enjoyable experience, I’m having my 2^nd Blog Birthday Giveaway!

Here’s what’s in store for this year’s blog birthday giveaway:

1 winner of a $25USD Amazon Gift Card
1 winner of a full-color illustration (A5 size, 300 dpi)
2 winners of a watercolor portrait with minimal background (A5 size, 300 dpi)

I will be sending all these digitally, though, as I have yet to figure out my country’s mailing system. This giveaway is open internationally and I will be picking out the four winners on December 2, 2018. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

November 14, 2018 28 Comments

5 Actionable Steps to Set & Achieve the Big Goals

Pre-S: This is an old post I’ve written a year ago. I reckon it’s good to update it with a bit of new information I’ve recently learned regarding goal-setting so here ya go!

There are certainly people out there who can’t – for the life of them – achieve the big goals they’ve set for themselves.

I know this because… well, I’m one of those people.

And yo, I’ve tried every-freakin-thing. I did New Year resolutions. I’ve read every goal-setting blog posts available in the personal development community. I did it all. And it’s not like I can’t follow through with the tasks I need to do. I totally could.

If it was given to me by someone else, or if I gave my word to do something to another person, I sure as heck can follow through with my promise. My problem lies with the goals and plans I’ve set for myself.

It wasn’t until I learned about Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies that I realized there was nothing wrong with me. There are just people who, like me, find difficulty in meeting inner expectations.

This you?

Do you also have a hard time achieving the goals that you’ve set for yourself?

Do you set a big goal – you know, those goals that are ambitious and huuuge? – and eventually fall out of it?

Well, my friend, this post is for you.

HOW TO SET AND ACHIEVE THE BIG GOALS (when you’re not a pro goal achiever)

There are essentially two types of goals. The big goals, which are ambitious and often takes a long time to achieve. And the small goals which are more achievable. Since the small goals are easier to accomplish, we’ll pin that one for later and focus on the big goals.

Big goals seem farfetched. They’re what you call top goals, your ultimate goal in life. And because they’re huge, it makes sense that these goals take years of work to achieve. So they’re quite difficult to attain.

This and other internal complications (like self-doubt and low self-confidence) would add to your big goals’ difficulty. Which is why a lot of people don’t follow through with their big goals. But that does not make it ultimately unreachable.

Big goals are totes achievable, my friend! It all comes down to how you set them.

1) Know Your Why

Why are you setting this particular goal? Why is achieving this goal important to you? What are you trying to achieve? What will you get from achieving it?

Being able to answer these questions and knowing your why may seem all woo-woo at first. (Trust me, I thought so too.) But it’ll help you all throughout your journey of achieving that Big Goal.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Goals are like cars. They’re great. With their help, you’ll get from Point A to Point B, easy. They carry you to where you need to go next. But they can’t do it all on their own. In order for your car to help you, you need to fuel it. You need gas.
You need a motivation power.

A motivation power is what powers your goal, to turn on and work. Without a motivation power, you’ll be stuck at Point A. With the wrong motivation power, you can’t get anywhere far.

Like, if you want to reach 1000 subscribers on your blog, just so you can reach 1000 subscribers, the motivation power of that goal is really really short. That’s because it’s the wrong motivation power. And if you want to reach 1000 subscribers on your blog because that’s what others are setting for theirs, that’s not the right motivation power either.
You can’t just set a goal for the sake of setting a goal. Or because that’s what someone else wanted. There has to be a purpose to it. Your goal needs to be meaningful to you. You would need something that will drive you to take action.

2) Turn Your Big Goal into Small Achievable Ones

If you’ve been around on my blog for a while, you would know how much I LOVE setting big goals into small achievable ones.

See, your Big Goal is one ginormous triple-layer buttercream cake. It’s delectable. It makes you salivate. But you can’t just open your mouth and gobble it all up in one go. I mean, you could try… but boy, will your jaw have cramps afterwards.

Instead, cut them into small neat slices. You can just concentrate on that one slice that’s on your plate and gradually work your way into every layer. Until you’ve eaten the entire cake.

See what I mean?

You can apply the same principle in goal-setting. Create milestones that you can focus one at a time. Angela Duckworth calls this a goal hierarchy. Your top goal, your Big Goal, can’t stand up on its own. It needs to be supported by a middle-level and low-level goals. These are goals that, once achieved, would bring you closer to your top goal.

So if you’ve got a five-year goal, slice it up to yearly goals. And you can even go further and turn those yearly goals into monthly goals. And then weekly. And then daily! This allows you to focus on only what you can do today. And through working on your small daily goals, you’re gradually working on your Big Goal one day at a time!

3) Don’t Let Doubt Creep In

I’m sure you already knew this: Achieving the big goals will not be a walk in the park.

You will encounter obstacles along the way. And one of your biggest adversaries is self-doubt.

The thing is, doubt is inevitable with big goals exactly because they’re not so easy to attain. All throughout your journey, doubt will pop out of nowhere. It’s like one of those recurring antagonists that just don’t die, you know?

So when you start thinking of worst-case scenarios, when the voices in your head are giving you all the reasons to stop, challenge it. List down all the reasons to forge ahead.

Similarly, if you shared the huge goal you wish to achieve to someone and they have that “Is he/she for real?” disbelieving look, walk away.

Just walk away. They will only add up to the doubt you’re already giving yourself.

And when I say walk away, you don’t necessarily have to ban them from your life forever. Sometimes the people who doubt us are those closest to us, those who are important to us. Which makes their disbelief all the more hurtful.

It’s sad but it’s true for a lot of people.

So whenever they wear that uncertain expression, ignore it. When they speak their doubts, let it pass through one ear and out the other. Or insist you can do it! And if they still persist on what they think, leave it alone. Don’t fight, especially if they’re important to you; you don’t want to lose them to a conflict of ideas. We all differ that way.

But you don’t want to lose that goal, too. Instead, look for other people who will support you, understand you, and share your journey with them.

4) Write Your Goals Down

I’m telling you, there is power in writing things down.

When you write things down, it:

Creates permanence
Makes abstract stuff more real
Puts things (like my scattered Obliger brain) in order

If it isn’t evident enough, I love writing. I like to journal, I love to free write (which you totally should try, by the way) and, every once in a while, I love to write poems too. And I’m not alone in this writing-love-fever.

There’s a reason why bullet journaling, or any kind of journaling for that matter, is still super popular today amidst awesome apps like Evernote or Keep. This is because the physical feel of writing is already therapeutic in itself.

This isn’t to say that putting your goals in notepad apps aren’t good. I do that too! I pin both my weekly and monthly goals in my Keep and place a reminder for them everyday. This is just to reenforce to my Obliger brain that I need to act on the goals I’ve set for myself.

The important part here is that you have your goals written out. That way, your goals feel more tangible.

5) Enjoy the Journey

Achieving your goals won’t be an easy journey. That much I can assure you.

But we have to remind ourselves sometimes that the process is just as important as the outcome.

There are many things that you will learn along the way. Maybe you’ll find out that your little milestones have changed and you’ve found another path to reach your Big Goal. Maybe your Big Goal has reshaped and molded itself into something else. That’s totally okay!

And when life gets you down, you know what you gonna do?

*DON’T STOP BELIEEEEVING HOLD ON TO THAT FEEEEELING*

Ahem. Okay. So that song actually holds some truth for goal-setting.

This is why having that purpose in setting your goal is important. I mentioned earlier that doubt creeps in any-freakin-time and I meant it. Don’t stop what you’re doing just because doubt arrived. Don’t stop believing that you will reach it. Because you can.

You totes can. I believe in you.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Do you have any big goals planned out for next year? Share them in the comments!

Kate xx

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November 7, 2018 12 Comments

Living a Busy Life Full of Clutter and Chaos? You Need White Space

If you’re as geeky into design as I am, you’re probably familiar with white space.

It is also called negative space, although it isn’t exactly a bad thing. Put simply, white space is the empty part of your work in between the letters or the characters or the shapes or the lines. But it isn’t blank or useless. White space has a purpose. It offers relief, a breathing room. White space brings the eyes to focus on what is on the page or the screen.

With white space, a design would look more focused and put together rather than cluttered and confusing. And the general rule of thumb for designers is to make use of white space. Like, use A HECK LOT OF IT.

Now, won’t it be nice if we applied this to our lives too?

Raise your hand if you’re guilty of having a super long to-do list. Or have ever used “I’m too busy” as a reason or a complaint. Maybe you have tried time blocking everything you need to do in one-hour blocks.

(Everyone ever raises their hand)

Think about it. Most of us go through life squeezing in as much tasks as we possibly can. We spend most of our waking hours doing something productive. Some people even force themselves to wake up super early just to get more things done during the day. And we even glorify the busyness, for Pete’s sake!

Look, I was guilty of this too.

I raised my hand thrice when I wrote those scenarios above. Super long to-do lists were my jam. “I’m too busy” was basically part of my everyday vocabulary. Time-block is a pleasant thing that I can never execute well. Suffice to say, I did it all!

And I thought I was the perfect working girl for doing so. I thought being super busy meant I was doing something. That I was doing something productive.

But what I’ve come to find out is this:

Busyness does not equal productive.

You don’t have to wake up early to get a lot of the important things done because time blocking isn’t necessary. And also, you don’t need to cram everything into your Monday to-do list.

And you really shouldn’t.

Much like how design needs white space for it to effectively work, so does your brain. Yep. That three pound lump inside your skull needs as much white space as your Pinterest blog graphics.

Your Brain, Creativity, and Time Scarcity

Earlier this year, I came across this phrase called “time scarcity.” It’s a term I’ve only recently heard but a concept I’m preeetty familiar with. As I’m sure a lot of you are too.

“So many books, so little time” is a quote you may be able to relate to. Or you’ve probably wished for time to stop so you can work on something. Maybe you’ve hoped for additional hours in your day, or maybe you wanted Hermione’s Time Turner necklace – like the legit one.

We want more time because we feel we don’t have enough of it.

And because we have this tempus fugit mindset (Tomb Raider, anyone?) we reckon we need to get a lot of things done with the limited time we do have.

Enter overscheduling.

You made yourself a 50-item to-do list for your Saturday. Then, you scamper around your house to do all of them on the one-hour, or even half-hour, time frame you’ve given yourself to accomplish them. At one point, you’re quickly jumping from one task to another. You’re basically overworking yourself and your body.

And what do you think will take the most damage? That three-pound lump inside your head.

How Overscheduling Affects Your Brain

Imagine an overworked Cinderella.

You let her start work before sunrise and not rest until her day’s work ends after sundown. Cinderella’s gonna be tired af. She won’t have time to sing and dance with her mouse friends. Cinderella can’t go to the Prince’s party.

Of course, Cinderella will give you her resignation letter and go to some other chateau that will give her better work hours and a day off each week. Which leaves you with dozens of chores you can’t finish on your own.

That is exactly what happens to your brain when you overwork it.

And your brain may not be able to give you a resignation letter the way Cinderella would. Sure. But it has some pretty creative ways to quit. Lack of inspiration. Writer’s block. Lack of motivation. Feeling stuck. Creative frustration. Need I say more?

Marie Kenny said it best: “Busyness and clutter will kill your creativity.”

Which is why, my dear busy-bee friend, you need white space into your schedule and, ultimately, your life.

Adding White Space into Your Life

The beauty of white space is that it’s pretty simple to incorporate into your everyday routine! In other words, you can do this now. Here are some ways you can add white space into your life:

<3 Going out for a walk

<3 Self-reflecting in your daily commute

<3 Setting aside time for a quick breathing session in between work

<3 Being with nature (I do this often by sitting out and staring at the rustling leaves and the clouds floating by above me)

<3 Mindless doodling

There are plenty of other ways you can incorporate white space. And remember: your white space may be different from other people’s white space. There are some people who spend their white space, scrolling through Instagram but that’s because she can discipline herself and limit her social media consumption. But for me, that’s a distraction.

So my idea of a white space is lying on my bed, staring at my ceiling, and mentally reevaluating everything I’ve been doing so far. It’s a good way to give my brain a mental break while also preparing it for what I need to do next.

Take the time to create your own white space. What’s important thing here is that you add some white space into your life. Your brain will thank you for it.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Do you feel like you don’t have enough time during the day? Have you heard of white space before?

xx Kate

Photo from Ivory Mix

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October 24, 2018 6 Comments

Four Personality Tests You Can Try Today to Better Know Yourself

See, I agree with Shrek when he said that ogres have layers. I also think that us humans, like onions and ogres, have layers. And much like how peeling an onion layer by layer is a slow, gradual process, so do peeling your own layers. As a twenty-something, I honestly believe that there’s still much of myself that I have yet to learn and get to know.

Which is why I find personality tests fascinating.

And no, I don’t mean the “What potato salad are you?” kind of personality test on Buzzfeed.

These four personality tests helped me learn more about why I act the way I act, what are valuable to me, how I act with others, and why I can’t – for the love of all that is good – follow through with personal goals.

Myers-Brigg Type Indicator

This is probably the most popular personality test in this list.

Myers-Brigg Type Indicator (MBTI) looks into four aspects of your personality: how you get energized, how you take in information, what means you use to make decisions, and how fast you can make a decision.

I took this personality test for the first time a few years ago in my General Psychology elective class. And surprise surprise, I got a 100% in Introversion back then. The great thing about this personality test is that it’s pretty accurate. I’m an INFP-T, according to the NERIS Type Explorer, which based its test on MBTI. And let me tell you: the description screams Kate!

With MBTI, you are able to identify your strengths and weaknesses, particularly in the process of making a decision and interacting with both people and ideas.

Four Tendencies

I’ve learned of the Four Tendencies from listening to Kelly and Carly of the Straight and Curly podcast. (Side note: If you’re looking for an awesome podcast on self-improvement, give them a listen!)

The Four Tendencies framework was created by Gretchen Rubin and it can help you identify how you respond to inner and outer expectations. This is particularly helpful when you’re trying to create new habits and achieve goals.

Related: How to Follow Through with Your Goals

You can take the test on Gretchen’s website, or maybe you’d know which tendency you are a part of just by reading the definition of each below:

Upholder – If you’re an upholder, you meet both inner and outer expectations so you don’t let others and yourself down. Upholders generally find creating habits easier than other people but they may still struggle.

Questioners – Questioners only meet inner expectations. They don’t do anything arbitrarily. They’re only going to do something if it makes sense. For instance, they could keep a resolution if it is extremely important but they won’t do it at a certain date like say, January 1^st, just for the sake of it.

Obligers – Where questioners only meet inner expectations, obligers are the other way around. They only meet outer expectations. This means that they can easily achieve tasks and form habit if there was an external accountability involved. But they can’t do it on their own.

Rebels – As fairly named, rebels resist both inner and outer expectations. They would most likely cringe at the idea of creating routines and would generally try to live life with spontaneity.

The Attachment Theory

Coined and developed by Bowlby and Ainsworth, Attachment Theory examines the emotional bonds between people. They also suggested that our earliest attachments (aka back when we were all wee potatoes) have lasting impact on how we respond and act in our relationships as grownups.

There are four attachment styles, namely: secure, avoidant, ambivalent and disorganized. The attachment theory does not only examine the romantic relationships we have – although, some questions in the test do focus on that.

I am a mix of secure and ambivalent, leaning more on ambivalent. When taking the test, I suggest thinking of how you are with your friends and family also. You can find out what your attachment style is over here.

Enneagram

Enneagram was my recent personality test find. I know it’s been around for a long time, but I’ve only taken the test recently. And let me just say: my type was super accurate to me?? I couldn’t believe it???

The Enneagram Institute describes enneagram as “one of the most powerful and insightful tools for understanding ourselves and others.” The idea here is that we’re dominantly defined by one type, but that we may also have a bit of the other eight types.

I am a Type 4, also known as the Individualist, which was pretty spot on, if I say so. You can try a free enneagram test here and learn about your type in-depth on the Enneagram Institute’s website.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Have you tried any of the personality tests above? What are your results?

xx Kate

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Photos from Ivory Mix

October 17, 2018 6 Comments

We Need To Get Better at Asking for What We Need

When I read that sentence on a newsletter I subscribed in, I felt like someone suddenly turned the light on me. Like I could finally see the world clearly and in full Technicolor.

Is this a problem I struggle with? Heck yes.

I’m the type of person who would gladly help others, however much I could. But when I’m the one at the asking end, things are a-whole-nother potato salad:
I am SO not comfortable asking other people for help.

Just saying that, admitting that to the ethers where other people can read it, is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s my pride that’s stopping me. Maybe it’s because I feel I’d be imposing too much if I ask for help. Maybe it’s both plus a hundred other internal complications like low self-esteem and high self-doubt. But there it is.

We’ve all had this feeling, I like to think. It may not be as severe as mine, but I’m sure you’ve gone through this to a certain degree. I mean, you wouldn’t have clicked on this post if you haven’t, right?

I find teens and young adults usually find it difficult to ask for help. I was definitely one of those teens – still am one of those young adults.

But even when you’re an adult (or #adulting), you may still have some difficulty asking for help.

Why is it so difficult?

Well, the short answer for this is a word you’ve probably come across a lot if you’ve been reading my blog for a while:

FEAR.

Having trouble asking for help stems from a lot of causes but the main root is often fear. Your fear may be a different kind of fear from others’, but it’s fear all the same. Here are three common ways fear may hinder you from asking what you need:

Fear of Showing Vulnerability

Asking for help is one of the most vulnerable things you can do in front of someone else. And people avoid looking vulnerable like the plague. Which is probably why it feels so uncomfortable.

Fear of Breaking Your Perceived Image

We like to think that we are fully capable of facing our problems on our own. Again, this could be because we don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable (which are two different things, by the way!)

Fear of Rejection

When you ask for something, there’s like a 50-50 chance you’d probably be rejected. It’s a “Sure thing!” or an “I’m sorry, I can’t” kind of question. Often I find myself skewing that 50-50 odds. I’m super focused in the worst-case scenario (i.e., getting rejected), I have zero reason to believe that people will actually reason.

Fear gets the best of everyone. And I mean every-freakin-one. And letting fear hinder you from asking for help, is also letting fear hinder your growth.

WHY YOU NEED TO GET BETTER AT ASKING FOR HELP

1. You can’t do everything on your own

You may feel like some kind of superhuman who do not need to ask for help. But here’s the thing: Even computers can’t do things on their own.

The computer or tablet or phone that you’re using to read this right now also has limited capacity. It’ll be even less capable without the Internet and added storage.

Even world-famous people like Michael Phelps and Steve Jobs and Arianna Huffington and Oprah didn’t achieve what they have achieved completely on their own. Even their triumphs and successes are a product of the many hands and minds of people who’ve influenced them or worked with and for them along the way. Even my blog is a product of the tons of help I got, both directly and indirectly.

This isn’t to say that this blog isn’t entirely my work. It totally is! But all throughout this wonderfully journey, I’ve learned a thing or twenty from people in some way or another. And we all do!

2. People want to help you

It sounds ridiculous. And sometimes, I still can’t wrap myself around this “ridiculous notion”. But it’s true. People want to help you. They really do. (Dum-dee-doo.)

The trick here is, they won’t really know how they can help… if we don’t tell them. And we’ve already established that (scroll back up) we rarely do.

A friend of mine once shared to me that she had a grudge on a friend of hers. All because her friend did not do something that she “thought was pretty obvious” she needed.

The problem with thinking this way is that this is wrong most of the time.

Like when I thought that smudge of paint on my artwork was super obvious and is totally ruining the entire piece but my mom didn’t see squat. She didn’t understand why I was so upset because the reason was invisible to her.

I’ve learned that what seems completely, totally, undeniably obvious to me is most likely completely, totally, undeniably unnoticeable to others

3. You open yourself up

Sometimes we’re so afraid to ask for help because of the scary possibility of getting a no. That we might get rejected.

But like I said, people want to help you! There was this study that found people actually get help twice as much as they thought they would. This only goes to show that people want to be helpful and feel useful, but we think otherwise.

Think about it: isn’t that why you love to help others?

I know that’s why I love to help. Because I want to be helpful and feel useful.

When you ask for help, you’re telling people they can help you. You’re telling people you are open to learning from them. You’re telling people that you are human and you don’t have everything figure out (which is totally okay!) You’re telling them you need help. And that you want to rely on them.

In doing so, you are not weak. Or incompetent. Or unworthy. You just need support. Nothing wrong with that.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

What do you need? Let us help you! 🙂

xx Kate

Photo from Ivory Mix

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October 10, 2018 12 Comments

Why you need to let your inner child out to play

At age 8, I was already building my very own empire.

A paper empire, to be exact.

I have a paper doll, Analysse, who had a paper mansion and custom tailored clothes (I drew them myself).

She was living The Dream, I’m telling you!

But the thing was, her house was empty. She needed to eat the most delicious food and have the most beautiful things. She could even have her very own elephant, I thought as I look at my thick coloring book given to me by my uncle. It’s filled with the exact things Analysse needed – hair brush, hand bags, elephants and ice cream. Tons of ice cream.

I grabbed a pair of scissors and was about to cut them when a hand held my wrist. It was my aunt.

When she asked me what I was doing, I told her I’m going to cut out a few of the pictures so I could play them with my paper doll.

That’s not how you use coloring books, was what she told me then. Coloring books are for coloring. It isn’t meant to be cut out.

I’m sharing this story now, not because I have a grudge on my aunt for not letting me play back then (I don’t hold grudges) but because, remembering all those years ago, I realized that I was held back. I wasn’t allowed to play however I wanted.
And just like 8-year-old me, my inner child has also been held back. And it stayed that way for years.

I’ve only allowed my inner child to play freely recently. Like 2016 recently. And even to this day, there are still times when I hold myself back.

Here’s the sad truth:

We somehow have this idea that adulthood meant shoving your inner child into the deepest, darkest recesses of your subconscious. That we would no longer need it when we’re adults. Add to that, we live in a world where child-like behaviors are frowned upon.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told to “grow up” after doing something fun and carefree and completely un-adult-like.

That’s one aunt holding you back from your play. But really, it’s the aunt inside us that we listen to the most.

Back in the 1970s, psychologist Eric Berne theorized that we all have three parts in us all the time: the parent part, the adult part and the child part.

The idea is, in order to live a happier life, you need to find the balance between these three parts. By age 15, however, (and I’m guesstimating here ok??) we let our adult part take the reins completely. Because that is what’s expected of us – to be adults.

Sure, we’re all adults now. We have far more responsibilities than we did as eight-year-olds. But that does not mean you need to shove your inner child onto the back corner. I have 4 reasons why you need to unleash your inner child and make friends with it.

WHY YOU NEED TO LET YOUR INNER CHILD PLAY

1) It Relieves Stress

As a kid, you usually don’t care about falling down or getting bitten by ants or having dirty hands. You just play and have fun and enjoy yourself! Who cares about dirt? (Adults, that’s who.)

Plenty of studies have shown that the carefree, playful attitude that’s often found in kids can increase happiness and reduce stress.

I’ve had tons of impromptu dance parties with my brother at home and I know this to be true. Play with your pet! Stop for a sec and smell the flowers. Get on your knees and get dirty.

Small yet super fun activities like these can help you forget, even just for a while, the stress that comes with adulting.

2) Strong Fearlessness Muscles

I have these two distinct memories from two different periods in my life:

The first one was when I was around six or seven, dancing my butt out in the middle of the makeshift dance floor at my mom’s office Christmas party.

The second one, I was a sixth grader in our school’s bathroom with my friend, showing to her that I could dance the Spaghetti dance in secret.

I’m a college student now in my senior year, and the only place you could see me dance is inside my house with my brother. (And it only takes me about two minutes and I start wheezing. Gosh I’m old.)

My fearlessness muscles that were super active when I was a six-year-old have become super, super stiff. And I’m sure I’m not the only one in this.

Letting your inner child out to play is a great exercise to your fearlessness muscles. Neither your parent part, and especially not your adult part, has any courageous streak in them. Only your inner child do.

3) Creativity and Inspiration

If there was one word that you could associate with kids, I’d say it’s “why.” Children are curious little potatoes. You’ll probably remember those times when you were a kid and you either thought to yourself or asked an adult why.

Why is the sky blue? Why are Tom & Jerry always fighting? Why do my friend Jenny only have a mom and no dad? Why do ants march in a single line? Why can’t those children go to school? It’s asking these questions that will foster your creativity. It will inspire you to think, to empathise, and to be more aware of the worlds both inside and around you.

The connection between your inner child and creativity has also been scientifically-backed. The Mission made a list of how unleashing your inner child can make you creative.

There’s also this amazing Ted Talk by then twelve-year-old Adora Svitak about how “childish” thinking inspires bold ideas and unhindered creativity. It’s a lovely talk and you should definitely check it out here.

4) You Become a Better Adult

Did you know that narcissistic behaviors and temper tantrums seen in adults are the result of your inner child “acting out”?

Mind = blown.

When you don’t give it play time, your inner child will find its own way to play by acting out. And, as things often do when restrained for too long, they act out in an awfully ugly way.

So all those so-called adults with negative child-like behaviors? You know. Those who are like a child in a grown man’s body (one of which you may know has an orange-y skin and hay-like toupee)? Those adults have not befriended their inner child or are even aware of it.

Mind = blown. Again.

Look, I’m not saying being an adult sucks. (Although adulting is definitely hard, not gonna lie.) If it weren’t for our mature and adult self, the world would be in total chaos. Like far more chaotic than it already is. True adulthood means taking your responsibilities seriously.

But remember: it is also important to let your inner child out to play. It is your inner child’s job to be creative, curious and courageous. Things that I’m sure we all need to cultivate as we also start our journey into adulting.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Have you let your inner child out to play? What are your thoughts on inner child and how it’s affecting your life? Share them below!

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Photos from Jess Watters (via unsplash). Check out the photographer’s website here.

October 3, 2018 8 Comments

September is Half and Half, No In-Between // Side Notes

Side Notes is a monthly wrap up where I share the interesting, and incredibly inspiring things I found during the month that I couldn’t fit in any post. Expect awesome recs, awesome books and awesome bloggers.

Also expect: fangirling (lots of it) and a glimpse into my life — the happy, the chaos and all.

Half on-my-knees-crying, half jumping-up-and-down happy.

Half super chaotic, half super relaxed.

Half unaccomplished potato, half slaying-it-productive potato.

In my September, there were no in-betweens. Only halves of the extremes. Interestingly, the first half was where all the crying and chaos and unaccomplishments happened. I have this itty-bitty suspicion it’s like one of those light drizzles that’s left over after the huge storm that was August passed. *glares at August*

The second half, there were still a bit of chaos and a bit of crying and a bit of unproductiveness, sure. But it was all manageable. And frankly, with the degree of happiness, and chillness, and accomplished-ness that I felt on the second half. Those tiny bits of negative were irrelevant.

In the Blogosphere

Suktara shared some amazingly practical hacks for busy women (and we all need these, believe me.)

Ki’ara discussed why we lose our motivation and offered great tips on how you can keep it.

Brittany argued why it’s best to forget about finding your purpose and it is such an interesting perspective!

Are you listening? Alex talked about active listening – what it is and how you could benefit from it.

We can definitely find happiness in the little things which is why Joy listed down 25 small things she finds joy in.

Amber wrote a comprehensive guide on how to navigate stressful situations.

Lana bravely shared the darkest moment in her life, in hopes of helping others realize that they are not alone. Not gonna lie, this one’s my favorite post I’ve read this month. (And that’s saying something, considering I’ve read dozens!)

The Awesome Side of the Internet

Yes, yes. I know. The Internet can be a jerk sometimes. But it is also filled with authentic and incredibly inspiring human stories. I always believe it only takes one kind heart for other kindness to join in 🙂

<3 Somebody created this masterpiece that is the Avengers: Infinity War anime opening. It’s BRILLIANT. My geeky heart is in paradise.

<3 This tweet DID NOT make me cry. I’m not crying. You are.

here are some stories of male intimacy to make you feel warm and sad pic.twitter.com/BF1R09Rl6W

— Kate Gray (@hownottodraw) August 31, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

<3 If you want something totally adorable, scroll through this thread of cockatiels. Two is ah-dorable and the other one is downright funny. Watching these videos literally cured my cough.

<3 This comic about purple hair and imposter syndrome is TOTALLY RELATABLE. I can’t even.

Feedly app – For Keeping up with Your Fave Bloggers

My problem with the WordPress app is that it’s not so friendly with non-Wordpress blogs. And I rarely open Bloglovin hehe. Feedly is my favorite app to use when I need to quickly browse over all my favorite bloggers’ recent posts. And it has a super simple interface that even tech newbies can navigate!

Google Keep

I honestly don’t know what I would do without Google Keep. Honestly. Making use of Keep beyond just blogging is probably 80% why my second half of September wasn’t so chaotic. I use Keep to take notes on my academic works, putting links to refer back later, blog to-do lists and even reminding myself of my goals. Plus! I recently found out that I can open it on my browser. So when I need to make an outbound link to an article I referred in a post, I don’t have to do some Matrix maneuver with my phone! It is literally a life-saver!

Little Victories – Kickass Stuff that Happened This Month

I finally finished my application for graduation ahhh!
Joined in with a group of super inspiring ladies to work on something super incredible. (This one’s a secret for now 😉 )
Achieved my goals of reaching 950 followers on my blog and 90 followers on Instagram. Thank you so much to all of you!!! <3
I actually understood finance??? As a context, I hate finance. Of all my major subjects, I despise finance. And it’s so weird that I finally get the underlying theories behind some of the topics.

Little Detours – What Kicked My Ass This Month

(because we’re not perfect, and it’s good to share your awful moments)

Cough. Severe my-lungs-want-to-come-out-of-my-ribcage hacking.
I still didn’t do a lot of art this month. Still haven’t finished my Kate Harker illustration.
I still haven’t repotted Watson’s babies.
The rainy season. Which worsened my cough a few times.

Little Milestones – Things I Want to Achieve or Do Next Month

(because according to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies, I am an Obliger and I need outside accountability to reach personal goals)

Reach 1000 followers on here before November 14th (but preferably on October) and 100 followers on Instagram
Do two full-color illustrations. The Kate Harker one and another cutesy weapon-yielding girl.
Join in on Inktober for 20 days tops.

Last Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge

Read a Rumi passage a day. Nope. This didn’t come through at all. But! Sometime in the last week of September I was able to read a chapter of a nonfiction book a day. So can I’m calling that a 10% success? Yes or yes?

Next Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge

Read a chapter of a nonfiction book a day. I might as well continue on to this for October since I’ve already accomplished it in the last several days of September. Also hoping I’d finish a couple of nonfiction books this way.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

How was your September? Is there a goal you want to reach next month? Let me cheer you on!

xx Kate

September 30, 2018 3 Comments

5 Pretty Color Pairs I’m in Love with Right Now

It’s been a year since I last shared my favorite color pairs on here. Between then and now, I’ve found some really awesome and super aesthetic color pairs. They inspired me with my blog’s new look and on my recent artworks.

I’m really loving pastels and neon colors these days, which is weird because I was never into these colors as a kid. I used to favor the bright, the deep and the neutral. Granted, my teen years were pretty much me in my goth and edgy “Don’t talk to me” phase so there’s that.

Anyway! Here are the 5 color pairs I’m loving at the moment!

But first, a disclaimer: None of the images I used in the collages below are mine and I will never claim them as mine. I found all of these via Pinterest and have made a board exclusively for this post. Please check out my Pinterest board if you want to know where I got them.

If any of the images below are yours and would like for me to take them down, please contact me through this page and I will do it as soon as possible. 🙂

Grey and Muted Pink

pink and grey - 5 color pairs I'm loving right now

What I absolutely love about this color pair is how it’s feminine but not overly so. Totally my cup of tea. I never liked greys in lighter shade before but they give this kinda moody, kinda aesthetic (?) vibe to it that I now absolutely love. And the pink is just a nice pop of color in contrast with that grey.

Magenta and Canary Yellow

magenta and canary yellow - 5 color pairs I'm loving right now

Magenta is another one of those colors that I never liked as a kid. My sis and I had this 480-color Crayola box and magenta was one of those colors we rarely use. It’s just, in my seven-year-old self’s eyes, magenta didn’t make sense. Like, is it red or is it purple?? It really confused me.

Now, I could fully appreciate its beauty. And because it’s such a vivid color, I usually pair it up with pastels or muted colors. Canary yellow is my fave to pair with magenta. A small area of the wall in my bedroom has this color pair and whenever I look at it, I’m just – it’s so beautiful.

Neon Blue and Ultraviolet

neon blue and ultraviolet - 5 color pairs I'm loving right now

Oh boi. As recent as when I was a freshman in college, I loathed neon. I hated it with passion. When I see neon, I run to the opposite side as fast as I can. But I’ve recently (like just this year recently) come to love neon colors. If you add in black, this color combo will be p e r f e c t. Neon colors just have this moody retro urban feel to them. It’s really great for creating atmosphere and moods in an illustration.

I tried to do it in a full-color illustration one time and… welp. It didn’t work. But it was probably because the paints I used were more muted. So I learned that if you want to recreate the neon look on watercolour, you’d need translucent paints for it.

Cerulean and Moss

cerulean and moss - 5 color pairs I'm loving right now

If Magenta was the color I rarely used as a kid, cerulean is the complete opposite. I freakin-loved this color! I would use it on every page of my coloring book. I’ve been saving nature landscapes from stock photo sites lately. I use them to practice on painting landscapes and I always get attracted to images with lots of blues and greens.

Blues and greens are classic color pairs that would always (always) work. I particularly love using cerulean with the less vibrant mossy green.

Mint and Peach

mint and peach - 5 color pairs I'm loving right now

*sigh* I love this color combo like you wouldn’t believe.

While I started to love pink, there’s nothing more beautiful than peach. Peach feels like it’s walking on that fine line between orange and pink, you know? I love that. And mint. Oh mint. I don’t know if it’s just me but it’s such a Gen Z color pair??? All pastel and bright and super aesthetic. This is the kind of atmosphere I want for my blog – fun and happy but also quite relaxing. I hope I achieved that 🙂

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

What are your favorite color combinations at the moment? Share them in the comments below! I’m always on the hunt for gorgeous colors 😉

xx Kate

PS. You can check out my previous post on color combos here!

September 26, 2018 11 Comments

How you can deal with perfection procrastination in 4 simple ways

I’ve done this TONS of times. You probably have too.

When you’ve wasted more than an hour getting every value in your spreadsheet aligned correctly rather than create that report you need to present to your boss next Friday, you’re procrastinating.

When you’ve spent a year researching on every travel websites and blogs, and redoing your itinerary for that one-month backpacking in Europe instead of just buying the damn ticket, that’s procrastinating.

When you’ve spent half your Nanowrimo scrolling through Twitter and creating character aesthetics and designs instead of writing your novel, that’s procrastinating.

And all these become perfection procrastination when you do them because you’re afraid of failing or getting rejected or doing poorly.

Perfection procrastination:

– is counterproductive.
– feeds on your unhelpful perfectionist tendencies.
– does not help you whatsoever.

Perfectionists do this, obviously. But even if you don’t identify as one, if you’ve stalled on doing what you need to do because you’re afraid of rejection or failure and you want things to go smoothly the first round, that’s still perfection procrastination.

It’s the kind of procrastination that is not helpful to you or anyone at all. (And yes, there are helpful or high-functioning procrastination.)

Believe me, you do not want this. So today I’m going to share how I deal with perfection procrastination. Hopefully, if you’ve also experienced perfection procrastination, this helps you too.

HOW TO DEAL WITH PERFECTION PROCRASTINATION

1) Set yourself up for the mess and the failure

One reason why I experience perfection procrastination is because I’m afraid of messing things up and failing the first time. I wanted things to go smoothly. I wanted things to be perfect. But who am I kidding? Perfect is to achievable as Pluto is to Neptune. They’re near but they’ll never meet. (Unless of course, the universe ends and they collide. But I digress.)

This fear of messing things up and failing often hinders us from doing what we’re supposed to be doing. This is where setting yourself up for the mess and failure comes in. It does not mean you’re giving yourself permission to do half-ass, sloppy work either.

Rather, you’re placing yourself in a position where perfection can’t happen. Perfection isn’t even on the menu because you’ve ordered at a restaurant that only serves chaos.
Here’s an example:

One of the artists I admire online, Jiji (@jijidraws) shared how she hasn’t posted any artworks recently because of her nagging fear that it won’t be good enough to post online.

So she created the No Fear Sketchbook.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm1ywHQnl0R/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1igwsacyswd36

In it, she can’t use pencils, and she can’t erase her works. She knows not all the works in the sketchbook will be pretty or even good enough. Her only goal is to get something done. (Which I’ll talk further below.)

I love the idea of the No Fear Sketchbook. And I think you could apply this to any creative hobby you do. Like a No Fear Journal for writing, or a No Fear Photo Session where you aren’t allowed to edit your photographs.

By actively blocking out your perfectionism or perfectionist tendencies, you are able to work without constantly thinking it has to be perfect.

2) Knock out the “First Domino”

I recently came across this concept when I stumbled upon an article about a book called Good Excuse Goals by Jullien Gordon. (Which I’m totally adding to my TBR.)

The idea behind the “First Domino” is to pick the easiest, most impactful domino to knock out. This helps you break away from the procrastination and just start the work.

Imagine someone who wanted to start a blog but they wanted things to be absolutely perfect before launching. So they do their research and create their editorial calendar and pick out the theme and work on blog design. And do some more research and a thousand other tiny things they could have done later on.

What they’re doing is perfection procrastination.

Imagine just starting a blog, putting out several posts and interacting with other bloggers. Then all their worries from starting a blog will go away, won’t it?

Look, I’m not saying planning is wrong and that spontaneity is the best. But there is a huuuge difference between planning diligently and stalling because of the fear of imperfection.

By knocking out the “first domino”, you free yourself from worrying over taking that first step. You just take it and the rest will be easy to topple over.

3) Set more realistic goals

Did you know that people are more likely to finish on time when they’re given concrete tasks and they’re more likely to put things off when they see the work abstractly?

This 2009 study found that how the task is presented can influence when and how it gets done. Basically, tasks that are concrete and specific are accomplished on time while tasks that are more abstract and general aren’t.

My mind: *blown*

But it makes so much sense, doesn’t it?? Like, maybe your goal is to be a New York Times Bestseller, or an award-winning blogger, or you want your Youtube channel to get a million subscribers.

Cool. Awesome goals.

But will you be able to achieve them quickly and easily? Will you be able to follow through with these big goals?

Let’s be real here: you prooobably won’t.

All these big goals are great but they all feel like a faraway castle. And because they feel farfetched, accomplishing them gets postponed all-the-freaking-time. You get de-motivated and uninspired to continue. (I know this because I’m guilty of doing this.)

This is why I absolutely encourage turning big goals into smaller, more achievable goals.

Alli Worthington (my newly found blogging idol) said it best: reverse engineer your big dreams and goals, and make them more realistic.

Make them more concrete and more specific. You can even set yourself a short deadline with a five-item to-do list, or have a quota you need to meet at a set time. That’s how big dreams become more achievable.

4) “Good enough” is good enough

I noticed that whenever I create something, I have a finished outcome in my mind. So I work in order to reach that finished outcome.

Now, it’s great to know where you’re headed with your creative projects. But this can also backfire unpleasantly. You may end up focusing too much on the outcome – editing as you go, tweaking a small part of your artwork here and there – rather than on the process.

This is something I talked about before in my post about conquering creative blocks. Choose finished rather than perfect. Instead of wasting too much time making your work perfect, just get it DONE.

The more work you’ve put behind you, the more things you’ve finished, and the more lessons you’ll be able to learn from them. These finished works won’t all be near-perfect and they definitely won’t be all presentable. But they are good enough.

Go for good enough. Besides, you can always tweak it afterwards. What’s important is that you get it out the door.

Remember, perfection does not offer you the opportunity to learn. Mistakes do. And there is much you can learn from the mistakes you make along the way. That’s how you improve and, ultimately, grow.

Have you experienced perfection procrastination? How did you deal with it? Share your awesomeness below!

xx Kate

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Photo from Ivory Mix

September 18, 2018 11 Comments