all the trinkets

navigating life in my 20s

Tag: Mindset

  • We Need To Get Better at Asking for What We Need

    We Need To Get Better at Asking for What We Need

    When I read that sentence on a newsletter I subscribed in, I felt like someone suddenly turned the light on me. Like I could finally see the world clearly and in full Technicolor.

    Is this a problem I struggle with? Heck yes.

    I’m the type of person who would gladly help others, however much I could. But when I’m the one at the asking end, things are a-whole-nother potato salad:
    I am SO not comfortable asking other people for help.

    Just saying that, admitting that to the ethers where other people can read it, is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s my pride that’s stopping me. Maybe it’s because I feel I’d be imposing too much if I ask for help. Maybe it’s both plus a hundred other internal complications like low self-esteem and high self-doubt. But there it is.

    Why You Need to Get Better at Asking for What You Need | #personalgrowth #mindset #happiness #mentalhealth

    We’ve all had this feeling, I like to think. It may not be as severe as mine, but I’m sure you’ve gone through this to a certain degree. I mean, you wouldn’t have clicked on this post if you haven’t, right?

    I find teens and young adults usually find it difficult to ask for help. I was definitely one of those teens – still am one of those young adults.

    But even when you’re an adult (or #adulting), you may still have some difficulty asking for help.

    Why is it so difficult?

    Well, the short answer for this is a word you’ve probably come across a lot if you’ve been reading my blog for a while:

    FEAR.

    Having trouble asking for help stems from a lot of causes but the main root is often fear. Your fear may be a different kind of fear from others’, but it’s fear all the same. Here are three common ways fear may hinder you from asking what you need:

    Fear of Showing Vulnerability

    Asking for help is one of the most vulnerable things you can do in front of someone else. And people avoid looking vulnerable like the plague. Which is probably why it feels so uncomfortable.

    Fear of Breaking Your Perceived Image

    We like to think that we are fully capable of facing our problems on our own. Again, this could be because we don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable (which are two different things, by the way!)

    Fear of Rejection

    When you ask for something, there’s like a 50-50 chance you’d probably be rejected. It’s a “Sure thing!” or an “I’m sorry, I can’t” kind of question. Often I find myself skewing that 50-50 odds. I’m super focused in the worst-case scenario (i.e., getting rejected), I have zero reason to believe that people will actually reason.

    Fear gets the best of everyone. And I mean every-freakin-one. And letting fear hinder you from asking for help, is also letting fear hinder your growth.

    3 Reasons Why You Need to Get Better at Asking for What You Need | personal growth, mindset, happiness, lifestyle

    WHY YOU NEED TO GET BETTER AT ASKING FOR HELP

    1. You can’t do everything on your own

    You may feel like some kind of superhuman who do not need to ask for help. But here’s the thing: Even computers can’t do things on their own.

    The computer or tablet or phone that you’re using to read this right now also has limited capacity. It’ll be even less capable without the Internet and added storage.

    Even world-famous people like Michael Phelps and Steve Jobs and Arianna Huffington and Oprah didn’t achieve what they have achieved completely on their own. Even their triumphs and successes are a product of the many hands and minds of people who’ve influenced them or worked with and for them along the way. Even my blog is a product of the tons of help I got, both directly and indirectly.

    This isn’t to say that this blog isn’t entirely my work. It totally is! But all throughout this wonderfully journey, I’ve learned a thing or twenty from people in some way or another. And we all do!

    2. People want to help you

    It sounds ridiculous. And sometimes, I still can’t wrap myself around this “ridiculous notion”. But it’s true. People want to help you. They really do. (Dum-dee-doo.)

    The trick here is, they won’t really know how they can help… if we don’t tell them. And we’ve already established that (scroll back up) we rarely do.

    A friend of mine once shared to me that she had a grudge on a friend of hers. All because her friend did not do something that she “thought was pretty obvious” she needed.

    The problem with thinking this way is that this is wrong most of the time.

    Like when I thought that smudge of paint on my artwork was super obvious and is totally ruining the entire piece but my mom didn’t see squat. She didn’t understand why I was so upset because the reason was invisible to her.

    I’ve learned that what seems completely, totally, undeniably obvious to me is most likely completely, totally, undeniably unnoticeable to others

    3. You open yourself up

    Sometimes we’re so afraid to ask for help because of the scary possibility of getting a no. That we might get rejected.

    But like I said, people want to help you! There was this study that found people actually get help twice as much as they thought they would. This only goes to show that people want to be helpful and feel useful, but we think otherwise.

    Think about it: isn’t that why you love to help others?

    I know that’s why I love to help. Because I want to be helpful and feel useful.

    When you ask for help, you’re telling people they can help you. You’re telling people you are open to learning from them. You’re telling people that you are human and you don’t have everything figure out (which is totally okay!) You’re telling them you need help. And that you want to rely on them.

    In doing so, you are not weak. Or incompetent. Or unworthy. You just need support. Nothing wrong with that.

    I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

    What do you need? Let us help you! 🙂

    xx Kate

    Photo from Ivory Mix

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    Do you have difficulty asking for help? Same. But here's why you need to do it anyway. || Personal growth, Mindset, Happiness, Asking

  • Trying everything all at once achieves nothing

    Trying everything all at once achieves nothing

    When I was a kid (and I was unknowingly living the glory days of not having to stress over college) I used to play this game. I called it “Don’t Let the Balloon Touch the Floor.” It’s a simple game: you launch the balloon up in the air and not let it touch the floor. And I enjoyed it. I felt like one of those superheroes when they do that agility trickery-do. I felt like I could do anything.

    Now, imagine what would happen if there were more than one balloon you have to keep from touching the floor. Imagine twelve balloons. Suddenly it’s not so enjoyable now, is it? It will become tiring. You’d have to be in different places and look at all twelve balloons at once. Before long, you’d be out of breath and frantic. You’d be overwhelmed.

    That’s also what happens when you try to work on everything – and I mean every minute detail – in your life at the same time.

    I find that high-achievers and perfectionists such as myself struggle with this. Not only do I try to juggle college and blogging and my art and the occasional freelancing I get. I want to do all of them at the same time – and do it per-fect-ly. I want to keep all these balloons from touching the floor because they are all important. They all hold significant places in my life. It just feels wrong to choose one from the other when I could do everything I can to keep all of them afloat, right? Right???

    Wrong, Kate. W R O N G.

    Look, I love Shakira and I love Zootopia and Judy but I don’t think this is what they meant by “trying everything”. And okay, there’s nothing wrong with trying to find that delicious middle ground where you manage to balance everything. Work-life balance is, like, every twenty-something’s dream. Being a Master Multitasker just feels like the Productivity Holy Grail.

    But to perfectly manage every aspect in your life perfectly?? It’s just damn near impossible.

    Here’s the difficult pill to swallow:

    self-improvement quote

    If you want to exercise more regularly, but also eat more nutritiously, and meditate, and be more productive and write more words a day and also, like, want to master crocheting all-at-freaking-once, can you possibly dream of achieving any one of those things?

    (In case you’re curious, yes, that pill is still stuck in my throat.)

    Surprisingly, there are people who could. But the vast majority of the world can’t. I can’t. A lot of the people I know can’t. And if you’re one of us and you’re agonizing over this, I want you to know there is absolutely nothing wrong you!

    This simply means that you are human (not saying that those who can master multitask aren’t) and you have limitations. You can only do so much at a time. Some things, like self-improvement, are simply not something you can multitask. Trying to improve every aspect of your life all at once will leave you exhausted. Like trying to keep twelve balloons afloat.

    Sure, maybe all of the things you have to improve are important. But you don’t have to accomplish them altogether. You can take on one thing and focus on only that one thing.

    Instead of balloons, imagine you’re making pottery.

    You have one lump of clay on top of the pottery wheel. You work your damn best and do your frakkin-hardest to turn that lump into a work of art. And when you’re done (and it will be a work of art, because I believe in your awesomeness) you move on to work on the next lump. Then the next lump. Then the next. Focus on one thing at a time. Until you’ve accomplished all the lumps you had to work on. Until all of them are works of art.

    And look! You didn’t have to juggle everything all at once! Yay you!

    Do you also struggle with wanting to self-improve on #AllTheThings? Would you rather multitask on personal goals or try one thing at a time? Share your thoughts below!

    xx Kate

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    Why Trying Everything At Once Achieve Nothing | Goals, Overwhelm, Personal growth, Lifestyle, Mindset, Self-Improvement

    Photo from Ivory Mix