Tag: Lifestyle

We Need To Get Better at Asking for What We Need
When I read that sentence on a newsletter I subscribed in, I felt like someone suddenly turned the light on me. Like I could finally see the world clearly and in full Technicolor.
Is this a problem I struggle with? Heck yes.
I’m the type of person who would gladly help others, however much I could. But when I’m the one at the asking end, things are a-whole-nother potato salad:
I am SO not comfortable asking other people for help.
Just saying that, admitting that to the ethers where other people can read it, is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s my pride that’s stopping me. Maybe it’s because I feel I’d be imposing too much if I ask for help. Maybe it’s both plus a hundred other internal complications like low self-esteem and high self-doubt. But there it is.
We’ve all had this feeling, I like to think. It may not be as severe as mine, but I’m sure you’ve gone through this to a certain degree. I mean, you wouldn’t have clicked on this post if you haven’t, right?
I find teens and young adults usually find it difficult to ask for help. I was definitely one of those teens – still am one of those young adults.
But even when you’re an adult (or #adulting), you may still have some difficulty asking for help.
Why is it so difficult?
Well, the short answer for this is a word you’ve probably come across a lot if you’ve been reading my blog for a while:
FEAR.
Having trouble asking for help stems from a lot of causes but the main root is often fear. Your fear may be a different kind of fear from others’, but it’s fear all the same. Here are three common ways fear may hinder you from asking what you need:
Fear of Showing Vulnerability
Asking for help is one of the most vulnerable things you can do in front of someone else. And people avoid looking vulnerable like the plague. Which is probably why it feels so uncomfortable.
Fear of Breaking Your Perceived Image
We like to think that we are fully capable of facing our problems on our own. Again, this could be because we don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable (which are two different things, by the way!)
Fear of Rejection
When you ask for something, there’s like a 50-50 chance you’d probably be rejected. It’s a “Sure thing!” or an “I’m sorry, I can’t” kind of question. Often I find myself skewing that 50-50 odds. I’m super focused in the worst-case scenario (i.e., getting rejected), I have zero reason to believe that people will actually reason.
Fear gets the best of everyone. And I mean every-freakin-one. And letting fear hinder you from asking for help, is also letting fear hinder your growth.
WHY YOU NEED TO GET BETTER AT ASKING FOR HELP
1. You can’t do everything on your own
You may feel like some kind of superhuman who do not need to ask for help. But here’s the thing: Even computers can’t do things on their own.
The computer or tablet or phone that you’re using to read this right now also has limited capacity. It’ll be even less capable without the Internet and added storage.
Even world-famous people like Michael Phelps and Steve Jobs and Arianna Huffington and Oprah didn’t achieve what they have achieved completely on their own. Even their triumphs and successes are a product of the many hands and minds of people who’ve influenced them or worked with and for them along the way. Even my blog is a product of the tons of help I got, both directly and indirectly.
This isn’t to say that this blog isn’t entirely my work. It totally is! But all throughout this wonderfully journey, I’ve learned a thing or twenty from people in some way or another. And we all do!
2. People want to help you
It sounds ridiculous. And sometimes, I still can’t wrap myself around this “ridiculous notion”. But it’s true. People want to help you. They really do. (Dum-dee-doo.)
The trick here is, they won’t really know how they can help… if we don’t tell them. And we’ve already established that (scroll back up) we rarely do.
A friend of mine once shared to me that she had a grudge on a friend of hers. All because her friend did not do something that she “thought was pretty obvious” she needed.
The problem with thinking this way is that this is wrong most of the time.
Like when I thought that smudge of paint on my artwork was super obvious and is totally ruining the entire piece but my mom didn’t see squat. She didn’t understand why I was so upset because the reason was invisible to her.
I’ve learned that what seems completely, totally, undeniably obvious to me is most likely completely, totally, undeniably unnoticeable to others
3. You open yourself up
Sometimes we’re so afraid to ask for help because of the scary possibility of getting a no. That we might get rejected.
But like I said, people want to help you! There was this study that found people actually get help twice as much as they thought they would. This only goes to show that people want to be helpful and feel useful, but we think otherwise.
Think about it: isn’t that why you love to help others?
I know that’s why I love to help. Because I want to be helpful and feel useful.
When you ask for help, you’re telling people they can help you. You’re telling people you are open to learning from them. You’re telling people that you are human and you don’t have everything figure out (which is totally okay!) You’re telling them you need help. And that you want to rely on them.
In doing so, you are not weak. Or incompetent. Or unworthy. You just need support. Nothing wrong with that.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
What do you need? Let us help you! 🙂
xx Kate
Photo from Ivory Mix
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October 10, 2018
September is Half and Half, No In-Between // Side Notes
Side Notes is a monthly wrap up where I share the interesting, and incredibly inspiring things I found during the month that I couldn’t fit in any post. Expect awesome recs, awesome books and awesome bloggers.
Also expect: fangirling (lots of it) and a glimpse into my life — the happy, the chaos and all.
Half on-my-knees-crying, half jumping-up-and-down happy.
Half super chaotic, half super relaxed.
Half unaccomplished potato, half slaying-it-productive potato.
In my September, there were no in-betweens. Only halves of the extremes. Interestingly, the first half was where all the crying and chaos and unaccomplishments happened. I have this itty-bitty suspicion it’s like one of those light drizzles that’s left over after the huge storm that was August passed. *glares at August*
The second half, there were still a bit of chaos and a bit of crying and a bit of unproductiveness, sure. But it was all manageable. And frankly, with the degree of happiness, and chillness, and accomplished-ness that I felt on the second half. Those tiny bits of negative were irrelevant.
In the Blogosphere
Suktara shared some amazingly practical hacks for busy women (and we all need these, believe me.)
Ki’ara discussed why we lose our motivation and offered great tips on how you can keep it.
Brittany argued why it’s best to forget about finding your purpose and it is such an interesting perspective!
Are you listening? Alex talked about active listening – what it is and how you could benefit from it.
We can definitely find happiness in the little things which is why Joy listed down 25 small things she finds joy in.
Amber wrote a comprehensive guide on how to navigate stressful situations.
Lana bravely shared the darkest moment in her life, in hopes of helping others realize that they are not alone. Not gonna lie, this one’s my favorite post I’ve read this month. (And that’s saying something, considering I’ve read dozens!)
The Awesome Side of the Internet
Yes, yes. I know. The Internet can be a jerk sometimes. But it is also filled with authentic and incredibly inspiring human stories. I always believe it only takes one kind heart for other kindness to join in 🙂
<3 Somebody created this masterpiece that is the Avengers: Infinity War anime opening. It’s BRILLIANT. My geeky heart is in paradise.
<3 This tweet DID NOT make me cry. I’m not crying. You are.
here are some stories of male intimacy to make you feel warm and sad pic.twitter.com/BF1R09Rl6W
— Kate Gray (@hownottodraw) August 31, 2018
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
<3 If you want something totally adorable, scroll through this thread of cockatiels. Two is ah-dorable and the other one is downright funny. Watching these videos literally cured my cough.
<3 This comic about purple hair and imposter syndrome is TOTALLY RELATABLE. I can’t even.
Feedly app – For Keeping up with Your Fave Bloggers
My problem with the WordPress app is that it’s not so friendly with non-Wordpress blogs. And I rarely open Bloglovin hehe. Feedly is my favorite app to use when I need to quickly browse over all my favorite bloggers’ recent posts. And it has a super simple interface that even tech newbies can navigate!
Google Keep
I honestly don’t know what I would do without Google Keep. Honestly. Making use of Keep beyond just blogging is probably 80% why my second half of September wasn’t so chaotic. I use Keep to take notes on my academic works, putting links to refer back later, blog to-do lists and even reminding myself of my goals. Plus! I recently found out that I can open it on my browser. So when I need to make an outbound link to an article I referred in a post, I don’t have to do some Matrix maneuver with my phone! It is literally a life-saver!
Little Victories – Kickass Stuff that Happened This Month
- I finally finished my application for graduation ahhh!
- Joined in with a group of super inspiring ladies to work on something super incredible. (This one’s a secret for now 😉 )
- Achieved my goals of reaching 950 followers on my blog and 90 followers on Instagram. Thank you so much to all of you!!! <3
- I actually understood finance??? As a context, I hate finance. Of all my major subjects, I despise finance. And it’s so weird that I finally get the underlying theories behind some of the topics.
Little Detours – What Kicked My Ass This Month
(because we’re not perfect, and it’s good to share your awful moments)
- Cough. Severe my-lungs-want-to-come-out-of-my-ribcage hacking.
- I still didn’t do a lot of art this month. Still haven’t finished my Kate Harker illustration.
- I still haven’t repotted Watson’s babies.
- The rainy season. Which worsened my cough a few times.
Little Milestones – Things I Want to Achieve or Do Next Month
(because according to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies, I am an Obliger and I need outside accountability to reach personal goals)
- Reach 1000 followers on here before November 14th (but preferably on October) and 100 followers on Instagram
- Do two full-color illustrations. The Kate Harker one and another cutesy weapon-yielding girl.
- Join in on Inktober for 20 days tops.
Last Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Read a Rumi passage a day. Nope. This didn’t come through at all. But! Sometime in the last week of September I was able to read a chapter of a nonfiction book a day. So can I’m calling that a 10% success? Yes or yes?
Next Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Read a chapter of a nonfiction book a day. I might as well continue on to this for October since I’ve already accomplished it in the last several days of September. Also hoping I’d finish a couple of nonfiction books this way.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
How was your September? Is there a goal you want to reach next month? Let me cheer you on!
xx Kate
September 30, 2018
The one thing you need to have when creatively frustrated
When it comes to creating something, the beginning is usually the best part.
That spark of inspiration, the glass-chime music of a new idea. The hairs at the back of your neck is raising, you get this deep but light feeling in your stomach — as if you’re hungry, but you’re really not. It feels like an incoming storm surge, but kinder, with its deep underground rumble.
And then… boom!
It comes at you intensely, crashing against your body like huge waves. You’re typing like a madman, going 100 words per minute. You’ve written The Best Introduction™ in a long time.
The dialogue between your MCs is sooo witty, you even chuckle-snorted. Your palette looks wonderful, and you mixed all the colors right. The anatomy of the hands is perfect and the shading is just as you imagined it to be.
It’s a dopamine hit.
You go into the creative process with maximum motivation, like a car with the turbo booster on. I love this part. You love this part. Anyone who creates things loooves this part! We all wish we could be in this oh-so-wonderful state of being for-freakin-ever. To be completely in the flow, because it feels like you are living and breathing creation itself. Like you’re freaking Te Fiti!
And then it’s gone.
Like any other booster, it sputters and fizzes out until there’s none left. The water is calm again. The intense inspiration leaves your body, replaced by an equally intense frustration.
Suddenly, the words feel foreign. The phrases don’t sound anywhere near poetic. The prose you first thought was brilliant is now utterly cheesy. The fingers look off. That purple doesn’t go well with that red. You realize how crap you actually are. Thoughts are going through your head at record speed:
“What is happening?”
“This looks wrong.”
“Why isn’t this fun anymore?”
“Why aren’t I as good as the masters?”
“This is wrong.”
“What am I gonna do?!”
“I am no good after all.”
Creative frustration. This is what happens when the fleeting, carefree pixie we call inspiration leaves our body in the middle of an incredible burst of creative flow.
It’s when the “Holy crap this is so good!” turns to “Holy crap this is tHE wORsT.”
I bumped into good ol’ Creative Frustration several months back. I was struggling with writing a draft for a blog post. I did not know how to convey into words what I was feeling and what I was thinking. It all just felt so wrong.
Stopping meant I wouldn’t be able to finish that blog post, and worst case scenario, lose that bout of inspiration that made me start writing it in the first place. But forging ahead meant the rest of the words I write, and the little jokes I put, would feel forced and unauthentic.
I guess, when we create something, we have this mental picture of its final look, an expectation. So when it doesn’t look anywhere near that, when it doesn’t meet your expectations (which is almost all the time ugh), it’s incredibly frustrating. You become resentful – at your work and, mostly, at yourself. Then the self-loathing starts.
You try to keep going but you can feel the awkwardness of every move you do or every word you typed or every stroke you put onto canvas. Everything just feels so wrong.
It’s usually at this point when you have the sudden urge to burn your work, or tear it to shreds, or lob it to the bin. This is when people usually throw in their towels and raise their white flags, surrendering to creative frustration.
But before you pull the plugs on that creative project, hear me out.
That creative frustration? It’s a natural part of the creative process.
You go through creative frustration in order for you to finish that work-in-progress. It may not look like it, but it can be very helpful too. It urges you to move. Being frustrated makes you want to try harder!
So what’s that one counterattack you can do when creative frustration hits?
Two words: creative stubbornness.
I was about to throw in the towel with that difficult blog post I mentioned earlier, but artistic stubbornness kicked in and I kept on writing. I tried not to look at the previous sentence or the previous paragraph. (Which was incredibly hard, let me tell you.) I only focused on putting one word after another. Side note: Practicing free writing was so useful in times like this, you guys.
Once I felt done with that first draft, I saved it and closed the Word document and stepped away from the computer. The next day, I started reading through what I wrote and began editing.
That’s when I realized that my initial topic morphed somewhere in the middle and turned to something else entirely. (In case you’re curious, it was this post about free writing.)
Sometimes, when you soldier on, you find great things you did not quite expect when you started.
Sometimes, you find your work is even more beautiful or more meaningful than what you first got on.
I think that’s the beauty of creative frustration and stubbornly going through it. With that, I leave you with this quote from a wise old lady of the Interwebs (aka: she’s been around since 2008 whaaat)
Do you experience creative frustration too? How do you cope with it, and what do you do to get through it? I would love to hear your thoughts!
xx Kate
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Photos from Ivory Mix
September 5, 2018
Do this when your Fear of Missing Out is at its all-time high
Imagine this. One fine morning, you wake up and realize, “Oh my god, I’m doing the same thing over and over every day!” So you end up doing every conceivable thing you haven’t tried in a matter of days or weeks. You try to tick out this super long bucket list before this internally-set deadline comes to pass.
At the end of the day, you feel extremely exhausted and, um… not quite as accomplished as you thought you would be..?
There was an exact same episode in Modern Family about this. This kid Manny realized that he’s missing out on things that boys his age often do. And so, before his thirteenth birthday came to an end, he set out to do several of them like phone pranks and lying on a colorful float in the middle of the pool.
Let’s all be honest here: we’ve had our Manny moment.
We’ve all had an episode or two of FOMO, or fear of missing out, especially in this age of social media and being constantly connected to the entire world. Add to that, this growing pandemic of comparisonitis, some of us practically experience FOMO, like, twice a week tops. (Or is that just me? Hmm.)
But every once in a while, there’s that day. When your mind decides to jump deep, deep down into this FOMO rabbit hole and you then go into an existential crisis. You question the meaning of your life. You wonder if you’ve done stuff people your age “often do”. You think, Am I missing out on the most important things???
Life is a roller coaster ride of changeable wants.
One minute, you want to have a stable routine. The next minute you want to change it up a bit. It’s all fun and exciting until you reach either edge of the spectrum – too attached to a routine to make room for changes, or frantically doing new things by the minute. And we often suffer the latter. (Case in point: the Manny moment.)
The good news is: we can find a balance. We can deal with this fear of missing out in a healthy, do-no-harm way. Here’s what you can do when FOMO is at its peak level.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
I did not drop that c-bomb above for show, you know.
If not treated early, comparisonitis could be a deadly disease that could severely affect your life. I should know. I have comparisonitis as much as an active child has snot and bruised knees. Which is, like, nearly every day. And fear of missing out? That’s an effect of comparing yourself to others. You take a look at other people’s lives and you take a look at yours. And (because we’re often too hard on ourselves) you come up with the conclusion that you’ve done less than anybody else. Cue FOMO.
Friend, stop it. Comparisonitis never gave us any real benefit. So you can definitely cut that out of your system and out of your life.
Related: How to Turn The Comparison Game Around and Actually Help You
Look Into Your Inner World
Know what you want in your life. A lot of us are so hung up on wanting to experience #AllTheThings that our external world can offer us, we forget to take notice of the incredible world right under our nose… or, you know, inside our skull.
Getting to know yourself is intimate and it is extremely important in order to not let FOMO reach its peak. If you want to learn how to find yourself but don’t know where to start, I HIGHLY encourage you to read Syaza’s amazing post about how to find yourself when you’re feeling lost. It’s like meditation on paper… or mobile screen, whatever. It’s amazing and may enlighten you with some awesome ideas!
Remember that We All Run on Different Paths in Different Paces
Life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. And you have to remember that there’s no one participating in your own marathon but yourself. Sure, it may look like you and some other people are running in the same direction. But sooner or later, your paths will diverge. They’d go the other way, and you’d continue on yours. You’ll have a few stops somewhere in the middle, and new people will pass you by. And you’ll also pass by some. But these people? They’re not “ahead” of you. In the one-man marathon you’re in, no one ever is or ever will be.
Let Go of the Limiting Beliefs
My sweet, sweet potato, limiting beliefs are comparisonitis’s nasty cousins. They are good at nothing but, well… limit you. Let them go. You do not need them. You are better off without them.
Side note: I do understand that letting limiting beliefs go is easier said than done, so I’ve listed 5 common limiting beliefs you may have and how to vanquish them like a bogart. *whips out wand*
Take Inventory of What You Have Right Now
I like to think that we all have a box we carry with us all the time. And the more we grow, and the more we experience life, we pick up stuff that we put inside our box. Do an audit of what’s inside your box. And while you’re at it, don’t look at other people’s boxes! Just focus on your own box. Look at all the things that you’ve picked up over time. What’s in it? How do these things impact your life? What good did they bring you?
Folks, this is gratitude. Or… you know, how I practice gratitude in my life. By looking at my box. By being extremely grateful of what I’ve brought along and carried with me in this journey called life. And then, and only then, can I trudge forward, to try new things and meet new people and live my life to the fullest.
Have you ever experienced boss-level FOMO? How did you deal with it? Share your stories and insights below, we’d love to hear (or read) them! <3
xx Kate
Photos from Ivory Mix
August 29, 2018
Trying everything all at once achieves nothing
When I was a kid (and I was unknowingly living the glory days of not having to stress over college) I used to play this game. I called it “Don’t Let the Balloon Touch the Floor.” It’s a simple game: you launch the balloon up in the air and not let it touch the floor. And I enjoyed it. I felt like one of those superheroes when they do that agility trickery-do. I felt like I could do anything.
Now, imagine what would happen if there were more than one balloon you have to keep from touching the floor. Imagine twelve balloons. Suddenly it’s not so enjoyable now, is it? It will become tiring. You’d have to be in different places and look at all twelve balloons at once. Before long, you’d be out of breath and frantic. You’d be overwhelmed.
That’s also what happens when you try to work on everything – and I mean every minute detail – in your life at the same time.
I find that high-achievers and perfectionists such as myself struggle with this. Not only do I try to juggle college and blogging and my art and the occasional freelancing I get. I want to do all of them at the same time – and do it per-fect-ly. I want to keep all these balloons from touching the floor because they are all important. They all hold significant places in my life. It just feels wrong to choose one from the other when I could do everything I can to keep all of them afloat, right? Right???
Wrong, Kate. W R O N G.
Look, I love Shakira and I love Zootopia and Judy but I don’t think this is what they meant by “trying everything”. And okay, there’s nothing wrong with trying to find that delicious middle ground where you manage to balance everything. Work-life balance is, like, every twenty-something’s dream. Being a Master Multitasker just feels like the Productivity Holy Grail.
But to perfectly manage every aspect in your life perfectly?? It’s just damn near impossible.
Here’s the difficult pill to swallow:
If you want to exercise more regularly, but also eat more nutritiously, and meditate, and be more productive and write more words a day and also, like, want to master crocheting all-at-freaking-once, can you possibly dream of achieving any one of those things?
(In case you’re curious, yes, that pill is still stuck in my throat.)
Surprisingly, there are people who could. But the vast majority of the world can’t. I can’t. A lot of the people I know can’t. And if you’re one of us and you’re agonizing over this, I want you to know there is absolutely nothing wrong you!
This simply means that you are human (not saying that those who can master multitask aren’t) and you have limitations. You can only do so much at a time. Some things, like self-improvement, are simply not something you can multitask. Trying to improve every aspect of your life all at once will leave you exhausted. Like trying to keep twelve balloons afloat.
Sure, maybe all of the things you have to improve are important. But you don’t have to accomplish them altogether. You can take on one thing and focus on only that one thing.
Instead of balloons, imagine you’re making pottery.
You have one lump of clay on top of the pottery wheel. You work your damn best and do your frakkin-hardest to turn that lump into a work of art. And when you’re done (and it will be a work of art, because I believe in your awesomeness) you move on to work on the next lump. Then the next lump. Then the next. Focus on one thing at a time. Until you’ve accomplished all the lumps you had to work on. Until all of them are works of art.
And look! You didn’t have to juggle everything all at once! Yay you!
Do you also struggle with wanting to self-improve on #AllTheThings? Would you rather multitask on personal goals or try one thing at a time? Share your thoughts below!
xx Kate
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Photo from Ivory Mix
August 22, 2018
Sometimes you don’t get what you want
Today, I’m not going to say, “And that’s okay” and smile and be a Glinda the Good Witch incarnate.
Because it’s not. It is not okay. (more…)
January 27, 2018
Friendly Reminder: Let Your Weird Be Free
Hey hey.
Have you ever been called weird as a kid? Has anyone ever laughed at something you thought was extremely funny or extremely interesting and looked at you like you’re from another planet? As if they were saying, “Why is this kid so weird?”
How did it feel being called weird in such a subtle yet brutally honest way?
Did it make you feel embarrassed? Did it take a huge hit to your self-esteem? Did it make you rethink about what you thought was funny or interesting? Like you are now convinced at the possibility that maybe you are from another planet? Like maybe showing that quirky side of yours was a wrong move?
Ever thought that maaaybe you should just hide your weird side from people? That maybe it’s better that way?
Well, imagine this:
You’re hanging out with your friends.
You cracked a dad joke. Or made a smartass comeback. Or created a horrible pun. Or danced macarena without the macarena music. Or educated your friends on the mating process of narwhals. Or shared an unpopular opinion, like, I don’t know, aye-ayes are cute. (Although I honestly don’t think this is an unpopular opinion. Aye-ayes are cute. But I digress.)
Basically, you did something weird. In front of your friends. In public. For everyone to see and hear. Yikes?
Nope. Not yikes. Not yikes at all.
Because, my dear quirky friend, you have NO idea.
Perhaps an author was sitting nearby, contemplating this scene in their work-in-progress. And they saw you. And an idea sparked. Perhaps that author’s novel will be a New York Times bestseller. In the book, there’s gonna be an iconic scene — inspired by your weirdness.
Perhaps a Youtuber saw you and snorted at what you did, choked on his soy milk caramel frappuccino even. And it inspired a comedy sketch that will garner millions of views and will be copied by other Youtubers and will be the reason the choked Youtuber could host on SNL. All because of a sketch — inspired by your weirdness.
Perhaps a sperm whale researcher was drinking black coffee with his baklava. Sitting at a corner booth, he overheard your heated monologue on narwhals, and it gave him the key solution to the conservation of sperm whales — and so it was inspired. By. Your. WEIRDNESS.
Look. I get it.
These may seem like ridiculous scenarios. You may be thinking, “What kind of sperm whale researcher hangs out in a mall’s food court??” To which I say, YOU. NEVER. KNOW. YOU NARROW-MINDED POTATO.
Because people being inspired by your weirdness isn’t weird.
That’s the point I’m trying to drill into your wonderfully weird brain.
We live in this blue and green oblate spheroid big enough to accommodate all kinds of ideas. A planet bigger than all of our brains combined. Can you imagine that? It’s bigger than 7 billion brains. Seven billion!
Each of us can only generate as much ideas. But all these ideas coming out from our hypothalamus and our gray area and our cerebellum… basically from all parts of our brain, all of these ideas are unique. And before you tell me, “Welp someone made this and that. My idea’s not unique.” Hold your horses, you.
What I’m saying is, these ideas are unique in a way that they are molded with your own unique perspective and came about through your own unique experiences.
They may only be one puny idea in a world teeming with so many other puny ideas, but they are the only puny idea of that kind that came from you. That puny idea of yours is part of a complex idea system. It is the one unique protein that make up a chromosome, which ultimately makes one well-coordinated and functioning body.
Can you imagine if the idea of Apple came about from some other guy named Steve but not Steve Jobs? Can you imagine if someone else other than Xi Lingshi found out about the silkworms’ cocoon of thin fibers? We probably wouldn’t have silk.
It probably might have become, like I don’t know, really thin hair extensions made of worms’ cocoons. (Which is more of a mouthful than just silk.)
Can you imagine if J.R.R Tolkien burned all the papers containing his fascination on making Elvish language because some brute told him he was weird? Can you imagine if Mama and Papa Mozart didn’t support Mozart’s affinity for music and made him become a baker instead? Can you imagine if Dr Seuss didn’t write?
And so: be weird.
Be the kind of wonderfully weird that you are.
Not just because it is a disservice to yourself to lock that part of you in a cage. But because it is a disservice to this planet that is simply begging to witness that strange beauty unfold.
I can guarantee you, the world will be a lot less brighter if your weirdness was locked away deep inside you. In some dark place that no light can shine upon. And won’t that be a shame?
So let people give you the judger eye. Let other people sing about you in your own version of the song “Belle (Little Town” from Beauty and the Beast. Let them question your ideas. Let them question it or raise their eyebrow on it or laugh at it.
And if it hurts too much, find me. I’ll buy you ice cream and let you free your quirkiness and celebrate it for the whole world to see. Let them be scandalized by how shameless they think you are for not keeping your weird tucked away.
Because you know what? There is no shame in showing the whole world who you are — every beautiful aspect of you.
You are you. You matter. And you are beautiful, quirks and weirdness and all.
Share your quirks below and allow me and everyone else to celebrate them 🙂
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PS: What’s stopping you from doing what you want to do?
Photos from: Death to Stock Photo and chuttersnap via Unsplash
January 13, 2018
How I Deal with Feeling Stuck in Life
Have you ever had that feeling when the Devil’s Snare is holding you tightly and you’re just… stuck? Except you’re not really physically stuck. More like mentally and emotionally stuck. In life.
I mean. We’ve all been 11-year-old Ron at some point, amirite? (Source)
Feeling stuck in life sucks. I end up panicking. Always. And as much as a level-headed Hermione in my mind tells me to just relax, Kate, just relax, my first instinct is to be Ron: become sarcastic while panicking.
I mean, just off the top of my head, this ‘I’m stuck’ feeling:
- Makes you feel like you’re not doing anything
- And because you’re not doing anything, you feel useless
- And this makes you feel worthless
- Which lowers your self-esteem
- And you end up becoming a mashed/couch potato binge-watching awful reality shows on cable.
I’ve been a mashed/couch potato binge-watcher plenty of times and I honestly don’t want anyone to end up in the same position as I have, so I’m sharing to you what I do when I feel stuck in life. Hope this helps! 🙂
Purge / De-clutter
Has the physical chaos around you added to all that tangled mess already inside your head and it’s messing you up?
Friend, you’re not alone.
I’m not a very organized person. I have piles of scratch papers and empty watercolor tubes and dried up pens all over my room that I don’t throw out until it’s been like months. So when my mind becomes a hot mess and gets too overwhelming, the mess all around me is like a fuel to the already burning fire.
This is usually the time when I grab a broom and a rag and have an impromptu cleaning spree.
I’m telling you: there is something absolutely therapeutic about de-cluttering your space and purging the mess.
And I don’t call it a purge for show. If there’s an article of clothing I haven’t worn for like a year, I throw it out or donate it. If my desk or shelves are filled with papers from months ago, I throw them out. My sister had this paper bag filled with newspapers that she supposedly was going to add to her portfolio (she’s a journalist) but it’s been gathering dusts since last year. So when my brother needed paper for their classroom’s recycled Christmas decor, I gave the paper bag to him.
Look through every nook and cranny of your work space and your bedroom. If you’re a semi-organized fellow like moi, you’re bound to find a mess or four. So here are some quick de-cluttering you can start doing now:
- Dust off those spider webs in the corner.
- Organize your closet. (I mean, do you really really need that knitted hat with pompoms you’ve had since third grade? Come on, Janice.)
- Unsubscribe to newsletters that you don’t read anymore.
- Change your bed sheets and pillow cases. (I mean. That feeling of flopping onto a clean bed? 11/10 would do it every-freakin-day)
- Organize your bookshelves. In rainbow colors or by authors, whatever suits your fancy.
- Throw away those old earphones that don’t work anymore.
- Deal with The Chair™. (You know? That chair in your room where a pile of your dirty laundry sits? Tell me I’m not the only one with that chair.)
Be ruthless in your purging. When I purge I only follow one rule: if it doesn’t do any good to you anymore, it doesn’t need to occupy much space in your life. Throw them out. Let them go. Give them to other people who will make use of them. The act of cleaning and de-cluttering is a big help. And when you’re done, you’ve got so much more room to do more things. #Win.
Move / Take Action
There are so many things I didn’t get to do because I thought I wasn’t ready. And, listen, this is a very unhealthy thought to have, okay? Don’t be like me, kids.
Sometimes we get stuck because we have this mindset that we’re not good enough for anything. That we aren’t ready. That our skills isn’t enough to do what we want to do. It’s like you’re stuck in a quicksand made of all the negative self-talk you’ve created.
But you know what? No one’s ever ready for anything.
At this point, I’ve probably watched enough TED Talk videos and listened to enough motivational podcasts to know people rarely are completely ready when they start doing what they’ve wanted to do.
And you know what? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that 🙂
In fact, if you’re not ready but you jumped in and started anyway, GO YOU! That’s brave and that in itself is something to be proud of—because you faced your fear and said, “I’m doing this anyway.”
Avoid Comparisonitis
Boy oh boy. This is probably a common problem among people in the Internet. Because, you know, social media.
We can all agree social media feeds on the little green monster living inside us, right? Seeing the fabulous achievements and gorgeous lifestyle your Facebook friends have, the glamorous travel-filled life of the people you follow on Instagram… All these make comparisonitis such an easy sickness to get. And comparisonitis can make you feel like you’re not good enough to do something. Which can end up with you feeling stuck.
When that happens, I want you to remember this:
Social media is a highlights reel.
People usually only post the good things that happen in their lives. The things “worth sharing.” (Except Twitter. Twitter is the John Bender of social media.)
This guy, I swear. (Source)
I remind myself this all the time. I forgot where I found it—I tried looking for it but my History tab and my memory are both jumbled mess—but I read somewhere that we all compare our real life to another person’s highlights reel online. And that doesn’t seem fair to yourself, isn’t it?
What the post said was so accurate for me that I whipped out a blank sheet of paper and wrote a line from the blog post that really stuck to me. I have it on my desk beside my computer where I can see it everyday.

I think I paraphrased this to make it shorter and fit the paper. So if you know where this is, let me know in the comments so I can fully credit them! 🙂
Somehow, reading this quote every morning or when I’m working on my desk gives me comfort. Knowing and constantly reminding myself that other people go through bad times too and that they also rarely share all this to the world makes me more empathetic, I guess. 🙂
How do you deal with feeling like you’re stuck in life? Share your wisdom in the comments below!
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PS: If you like this post, check out why it’s okay not to have everything figured out and how to conquer creative block.
Friendly reminder that my blog birthday giveaway is still going on! You can win an art commission or a custom set of blog graphic elements including a blog header 😀
Interested? Click on the image below for more info.
November 25, 2017
6 Reasons Why You Should Try Free Writing
In case it hasn’t been obvious, I love writing.
Whether it’s writing about my angst-filled days as an early teen or this one scene I came up where a twelve-year-old girl and an ancient dragon bickered if that huge grey thing is a boulder or Big Bird, writing was, and still is, a great way for me to channel my creativity into something.
But free writing.
Oh boy. That is a deeper and more intimate way in which writing has changed my life.
Good ol’ Wikipedia calls it a prewriting technique in which you disregard spelling, grammar, or topic.
I’ve always thought of it as like freestyle rap, except you’re just writing. (Freakin-genius in English, aren’t I?)
But anyway.
I have relied on it a lot in different aspects of my life this year. Which is why I’ve set myself up into convincing anyone who doesn’t free write to do it. Because I think it might just change yours too 😉
6 REASONS WHY FREE WRITING IS GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR LIFE
1. You Get to Organize Your Thoughts
I’m the kind of person who has 1,498,257 thoughts running on my mind every second. It can be pretty overwhelming. Like I just can NOT concentrate on doing anything else.
Does that sound like you too?
Does it feel like your mind is this browser with dozens of tabs opened simultaneously and it’s like you, the entire computer, is lagging constantly because how the heck are you going to process all of these???
Is that you?
Alright. Try free writing.
Free writing might just help you organize, even just a little bit, all those thoughts you are on the verge of drowning into. It totally helped me.
When I free write, I have this feeling of gradually letting thought after thought out of my brain. Putting one word after another is like closing those tabs one by one until you have just enough that you can focus on at the moment.
It is incredibly freeing and isn’t that nice? Because it’s called free writing! See what I did there? 😀 (I am so not funny)
2. It Makes You a Better Writer
Free writing helps you put thoughts into words well, right? So it also helps you become a better writer.
I mean, for one thing, it is not called a prewriting technique for show. But like any skill, writing something engaging and compelling takes lots of practice and actually doing some writing. Kristina wrote that it helped her write as many as 1,000 words in 15 minutes.
Let that sink in for a sec. 1,000 words in fifteen. freaking. minutes.
Totally amazing, right??
But free writing doesn’t just help you in the practice aspect of becoming a better writer. Free writing also helps you get into The Flow™. Or The Zone™. Or The Groove™. Whatever floats your boat.
This is when you feel fully immersed and focused on whatever activity you’re doing.
And yes, free writing can help you go to that state of mind while writing. Simply because practicing it helps you to take away compulsive self-analyzing. You might or might not get anything substantial from what you’ve free written. But you cannot forego the fact that it is a great way to flex your writing muscles and, you know, do writing warm-ups.
3. It is Actually Fun!
Sure, maybe that compulsive editor inside of you doesn’t like being in the process of free writing. BUT! Finishing that first draft of a blog post and reading through all of the grammatical errors and typos afterwards?
PROOFREADING HEAVEN.
Which, in my compulsive editor’s view, equals F-U-N.
How else is free writing fun? I’m so glad you asked.
<3 Reading old stuff you free wrote. Do you laugh at how awkward and overdramatic you are in your old diary entries or is that just me?
<3 Knowing you can write better now compared to X years ago. Boost your self-confidence yo!
<3 You don’t have to restrain yourself and overthink every-freakin-thing (which, let’s all agree, dampens the fun out of writing)
4. It is Good for Your Sanity
There has been plenty of research in the fields of psychology and neuroscience on the importance of free writing. And it is also used in counseling and therapy.
I mean. Hello, journalling?
If you’ve read plenty of self-care posts like I have, you’d know journalling is in there at the top of the how to self-care lists. And that is basically one of the best ways to incorporate free writing into your life.
Here are some other ways free writing can be good for your sanity:
+ It’s kind of an art therapy (which we’ll discuss further later)
+ It helps you put jumbled thoughts and emotions into words (as mentioned above) which is great for self-reflection and your mental health.
+ It tires you and that’s kinda like exercise for your arm (and I dunno, for some reason I like good exhaustions. Don’t you?)
+ It’s better than breaking plates and punching a hole on your wall. I mean, you could always write about punching a hole or maybe even turning into a dragon and burning down the next village over and look! No one in real life got physically hurt! Win-win. (Except for those poor villagers. May they rest in peace.)
5. You Become More Productive (writing-wise)
One thing I’ve heard and read a lot on conquering that Horrible First Draft™ is to write now, edit later. Which, I just learned, is an excellent advice for any type of writing; from novels to poetry to technical…and even blog writing.
Practicing free writing can help you from experiencing what Ignited Moth’s post inspired me to call, The Backspace Syndrome. You know, like that backspace key is so tempting to use and you edit and delete as you go? You ever had that?
Hey me too!
So when I feel like the backspace urge is too strong as I’m writing a blog post, I either resort to writing by hand or typing it on my tablet where the urge is usually not that strong and free writing comes more naturally.
End result? I have a finished first draft of blog post! Needs a lot of editing. For sure. But it’s more than a rough outline and I’ve got thoughts and ideas down that only need a bit of refining.
6. Free Writing is Therapeutic
Free writing helps me sort out things that have been on my mind. It’s rather comforting, you know.
Gosh, there were times when free writing became incredibly emotional for me. But, in a way, it was also (well here it is again) freeing. It was just me introspecting and untangling some of my thoughts. Even for just a bit. Like I don’t have to untangle everything, and I usually don’t. But what relatively little that I get untangled and sorted out, is big enough so as to make my life just a bit more bearable.
And that’s honestly what I love the most about free writing.
Do you free write? If so, how has it helped you? Do you have the Backspace Syndrome too? Do you binge-watch TED talk videos like yours truly? Tell me all!!!
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PS: If you enjoyed this post, you might like to learn 13 ways to be inspired and pump up your creativity. Just putting it out there 😉
(Photos used from Kaboompics and Pixabay respectively)
November 18, 2017
8 Gorgeous Color Combinations I’m Loving Right Now
I don’t have any favorite colors. I like all colors equally. I believe that all colors are beautiful in their own little ways.
So once in a while, I’m gonna share with you guys the awesome color combinations I discovered and make a neat little list of them with pretty collages of pictures using these colors. This isn’t gonna be a regular feature, by the way. Just whenever I find a handful of gorgeous color combos. Okay? Okay! Let’s go!
But first, a disclaimer: None of the images I used in the collages below are mine and I will never claim them as mine. I found all of these via Pinterest and have made a board exclusively for this post. Please check out my Pinterest board if you want to know where I got them.
If any of the images below are yours and would like for me to take them down, please contact me through this page and I will do it as soon as possible. 🙂
Lagoon + Baby Pink
This is the more pastel-y version of my blog’s color scheme. (Also, notice how I used it in my headings and subheadings like with this post? 😉 ) I’ve been in love with this color pair ever since my blog revamp last year. Together, they create this light and fluffy feminine atmosphere and that’s exactly how I want my blog to feel. Also they kinda look like candies, right???
Cerulean + Mandarin
I wasn’t usually into dark and bold color combinations. And this color combination is super bold. I mean, look at those shades of blue and orange. They’re vivid and they contrast each other. But that somehow works because the orange pops against the blue. And I really really (really) like it when one of the color pair pops out and the other simply helps. It’s like a dance, don’t you think? 😀
Maroon + Gold
This is also a bold color combo but where the cerulean and mandarin has this heavy atmosphere, maroon and gold is more elegant. I mean, doesn’t that color combo remind you of royalty? It reminds me of that. Also GRYFFINDOR COLORS! (I mean, I’m a Ravenclaw. #AndProud. But still.)
Navy Blue + Rose
UGH I LOVE THIS COLOR COMBO SO MUCH I CAN’T EVEN asdkjefghsnml
This is a color combo I would wear in a heartbeat. Because I really like how the feminine feel of the rose color balances out with the masculine-ish feel of navy blue. Also light and dark shades. They contrast.
Purple + Dandelion
If you’ve noticed, all of my collages above have some kind of food included in them. And, I’ve checked, the rest below have too. Only this collage doesn’t and I regret not looking for a purple ice cream or cake *sheds a tear*
Anyway. Purple and yellow are the secondary colors of my blog color scheme (as you probably notice their “secondary presence” in my design). I added them several months after choosing my main colors. I love this color pair because they’re bright. And their brightness keeps the airy feel of my teal + pink main color pair grounded.
Baby Blue + Lemon Yellow
I don’t know why but when I see this color combo, it reminds me of a super cute doll house. DOESN’T IT OR IS THAT JUST ME? Like lagoon and baby pink, it’s a light color combo but it looks a teeeeny tiny bit less feminine and more youthful. For me at least. This is definitely the kind of color combination I like to use for a youthful and happy illustration.
Tumbleweed + Mustard
Don’t you just love earthy tones for fall??? I do. I do a HECK lot.
Honestly, mustard was one of those colors that I find hard to like. It reminded me of… well, mustard. And I don’t like mustard. (I’m a ketchup kind of girl ok??) But I remember seeing someone mix mustard with a earthy colors like meadow green and tumbleweed and that’s when I realized it’s actually a pretty color!
Not to mention, one of my favorite artists, Taryn (aka @taryndraws) absolutely makes mustard and other earthy tones loveable every chance she gets.
Dusky Cedar + Olive
AHHHHH ever since I discovered dusky cedar last year, I have been in love with it! It’s one of those colors perfect for autumn and with olive green, it’s much much better! I really like pairing different shades of red with different shades of green. They’re just pretty to look at <3
I had so much fun making the collages for this and I loved looking at the variety of color combinations I have here.
Your turn: Do you have a favorite color? What color combinations are YOU loving right now? I’m on a personal hunt for pretty color combinations so share your faves below!
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September 16, 2017