BookWalker links below are affiliate links which means I receive 3% coin back if you purchase through these links.
Personally have never celebrated Valentine’s Day free-willingly. The last time I even participated in a Valentine’s Day event was when my entire class created a haunted house for the school-wide activity. That was almost nine years ago.
Fuck, realizing it’s been almost a decade since high school is not how I want to start this draft. I need a minute.
Hello hello, you lovely person! Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, ey! And I’m continuing onto my love-themed Wednesday posts.
In the past two Wednesdays, I talked about inspiring love and loving others in general. Today, I want to talk about relationships. Particularly, those that hurt you in the same way that Voldemort made Harry’s Hogwarts life miserable every-freakin-year for seven years.
“Um. We kinda get that from the title, Kate? But what does tooth decay have anything to do with this?”
It’s simple really. Let’s start it with this friend of mine. We shall call her Rose.
Rose was in a relationship for two years. And it was a toxic relationship. I would know because she reached out to me several times. Once she even called me crying about how he hurt her and how pathetic she was.
But I couldn’t understand her.
Why won’t she just break up with the jerk? If he was hurting her too much, then there’s no point working things out, right? But she told me she loved him and she can’t do it. And I decided right then that I’d never understand such thing.
But I was wrong. I did understand, kinda, because I was in a similar position. And what did I likened to Rose’s toxic relationship?
A five-year tooth decay.
My very own li’l Lord Voldemort.
Yes, I know. Maybe you’re disgusted at me right now and thinking why in the world would anyone hold on to something like that for too long?!
Funny, that’s exactly what I was thinking when I listened to Rose’s woes.
The thing is, I had an incredibly sweet tooth that resulted to plenty of tooth cavities when I was a kid. But the toothaches didn’t come until second year in high school.
One part hurt like the devil every time I ate. It instantly ruined both my appetite and day. And I suffered from it for five. Freakin. Years. And it was amazing how I had so many excuses why I wasn’t getting rid of it: I don’t have time, dentist can’t take it out for some reason, too busy with high school then incredibly busy with college. See? Plenty of excuses. But you know what’s the worst and most pathetic excuse I frequently use?
I can’t do it.
I don’t understand why I can’t. It’s not like I loved the little decayed devil or find it valuable to me. But that’s the thing with toxic relationships and long-time tooth decays, I recently learned.
You feel like you can’t do anything to get rid of it permanently.
I’m not really comfortable going to the dentist because, holy macaroni, they can be scary! And oftentimes, I reasoned that the ache was just temporary.
The irony wasn’t lost on me.
I didn’t understand why the heck some people won’t just end their painful relationship–it’s easy and they can do it, can’t they? But here I was nursing my own version of a toxic relationship.
So. What can you folks learn from this?
You have a choice
Whether you choose to stay or let all those hurtful things go is all up to you. But remember to give yourself a little self-respect. I guess, subconsciously, I felt like I was punishing my younger self for being selfish with all the candies–man, I was so horrible I even locked my sister out and gorged on a whole pack by myself!
So see, don’t do the same.
(Both being selfish with your fam and punishing yourself)
Don’t allow yourself to be burdened by pain just ’cause you feel like that’s what you deserve.
I mean, I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower but that “love that we think we deserve” part gives so much room for unhealthy self-deprecation. I think there’s a difference between repentance and self-affliction.
Because things like tooth decays and toxic relationships? If you hold onto them for a long time, they gradually become a part of your life. And suffering from them becomes a sort of habit.
And that’s as scary as Lord Voldie.
Outside these two, there are plenty of other things that can give you pain like abusive and stressful work environment.
And so in the end, I guess this post is also a bit about loving yourself.
It has been three months since Rose finally broke up with jerko. She was miserable at first and the egotistical jerk kept indirectly harassing her through Twitter. But she’s happy now.
It was around the same time when I finally went to the dentist to have the decayed tooth taken out. The first few days felt awkward to feel this gaping hole where the teeth had been.
But now I feel no pain and I don’t feel its absence anymore. I guess gums heal just like hearts do, right?
What would you do if something constantly kept hurting you? Got some advice or awesome thoughts? Share them below!
So, hey. At the time of writing this, next week would be Valentine’s Day.
I’m sure some of you would be spending it with a special someone or with friends or the fam. But I’m also sure some of you will be like me, spending it alone. In my case, it’s just a typical day in the college life of Kate the Stressed Out College Girl. And I couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day passing by uneventful.
I’m a 100% introvert. Seriously. I’ve taken the Myers-Brigg Test three times and my Introvert-ness is consistently 100%. Which is probably why it’s not shocking to me that I love my alone time.
But I realized not everyone is comfortable in their own company. I know a handful of people who feel so awkward being on their own, they seek refuge in social media.
I guess the problem is some people think of alone and lonely as the same thing.
Friends, they’re not.
And to prove it, I have a list of things you can do alone and not feel lonely. Because 1) it’s been soooo long since I made a really simple list post and 2) I know plenty so explaining them one-by-one would give you a 583209-word post. That’s more or less trilogy-length. And you wouldn’t want to read something that long, now would you?
Anyhoo, enjoy! 🙂
Read your favorite book
Take a short hike
Photograph things – You don’t have to be an expert and you don’t even have to use a professional camera. Just take a picture of something with your phone or a point-and-shoot camera. Remember that the point here is to enjoy, okay?
Watch your favorite movie
Draw something – Again, don’t stress over how unrealistic your drawing may look. Just enjoy the creative process 🙂 Better yet…
Create something – Any small creative projects are healthy! Not only do they keep your creative juices active, but they’re also quite relaxing. Take your pick!
Do some stretching
Blast on some good vibe music – And might I suggest to my fellow millennials, Disney songs? 😉
DANCE – Whether you want to do it in public or in the comfort of your home is up to you hehe
Cook or bake something for yourself – And to my fellow culinary newbies, try something you’re confident you won’t burn
Start a journal
Play an instrument – And if like me, you don’t know any instrument, just belch out some notes with your very own vocal chords
Clean your room
Play a word puzzle or even try the Rubik’s Cube
Go to a (safe) public place like the park or mall or the beach and people watch – I’m telling you this is way more fun than it sounds.
Star gaze – Look for a place near you that’s perfect for it, I’m sure there is
Stay at home when everyone else is out – Enjoy the quiet. This is my favorite thing to do alone and I’m seldom alone at home so I savor every chance I get.
These are gathered from years of personal experience and I’m someone who’s comfortable in my own company. Still, what works for me may not work for you. But try out a few of these things. Or even think outside the box and do something else entirely! As long as you are enjoying yourself; that is the purpose of this post, anyway.
And also, you never know what you’ll enjoy doing alone unless you do try, yeah? 😉
How do you make time for yourself? What do you best like to do alone?