all the trinkets – Page 5 – navigating life in my 20s

Improvement & Impatience: 3 years, 2 art works, 1 Kate
Art improvement does not happen overnight.
We know this. I know this. You know this. That old man sitting at a nearby park probably doesn’t care about art improvement but, still, even he knows this.
And yet.
It is the one of The Most Frustrating Thing Ever. Why couldn’t I just be good at the things I like to do in an instant? Like, why do learning curves even have to exist?? Why can’t I just become the next Einstein or the next Picasso or the next Marie Curie tomorrow???
You’re probably not as dramatically ambitious as yours truly, but I bet you’ve been frustrated and impatient before, right?
The Case of Improvement for Artists (hint: iz torture)
I love progress. And if you’re a self-improvement junkie like myself, obviously, one of your biggest goals in life is to consistently be a better version of yourself. But progress is slow and tedious and it kills me. (Well, not really literally. But you know what I mean.) Creative progress, especially, is a specific kind of torture for me.
See, I’ve always been an impatient person. But I’m more so an impatient creator. When it comes to my art and my writing, I want to hurry, hurry, hurry.
Hurry up and improve on your anatomy, Kate.
Hurry up and draw good noses, Kate.
Hurry up and write engaging stories, Kate.
Hurry up and create awesome content, Kate.
Hurry up, Kate.
I keep on pushing myself to hurry hurry hurry. That I need to keep moving forward. That I need to get better. And the thing is, in art, you don’t really see you’re improving. So I become even more greedy. I become more and more frustrated, and more and more impatient of myself.
Sometimes, to a point where I’m mentally scolding myself for not seemingly getting better.
We are our harshest critic already. But with myself and to myself, I am unforgiving. I never tolerated even an ounce of imperfection. It’s sad. Because we are also our most frequent company.
Can you imagine being in the company of someone so critical of you?
That drive for art improvement became toxic. I made it toxic, and it backfired. And so, in an attempt to gently remind myself that um Kate? You HAVE improved tho, I did the #DrawThisAgain art meme. It’s where you try to draw an old art and see the differences and changes.
I chose a really old work, one I did in 2016. Back when I still a complete watercolor noob and just starting out. I loved it — I still do. But recreating it with all the creative arsenal I picked up for three years, it was amazing.
And once I was done and took a step back, I thought to myself, “If 2016 watercolor noob Kate could only see me now…” I mean, I know she would never see the me now. That’s just how it is.
Who you are, right this second, will never get to see how much you’ll improve in the future.
But who you are, right this second, is also the only one who can look back to where you’ve come from and see how far you’ve come.
I now take comfort in having this truth. I’m probably going to tuck myself into it forever. Because, man, it’s far far better than the rusty old thoughts of “Not Being Enough.”
In business and management, looking at historical data is a sensible way of self-evaluation. But looking back is also a gift. A gentle reminder to your all-too-focused self, a small shift in perspective. That you are doing just fine.
So here I am, doing exactly that.
I first published this post on my Patreon page but I added a few words and wrote additional thoughts. You may see the original post, in its infancy, here.
Featured image by Yura Fresh via Unsplash
June 26, 2019
A catch up and what’s gonna happen now
So here I am.
Finally getting the guts to actually write something for this here blog. After months of burying myself into a mound of Webtoon comics, manga, and anime series. And subconsciously forgetting about my art, my blog, and the rest of my creative life.
Sure, I’ve put out a few great artworks the past few months, but even the dopamine hit of posting them into my art insta and being praised for them was short-term.
Work has ultimately taken up much of my daylight hours. Which is weird because, honestly, I have not done a lot at work these past three months. The “busy” moments happen every start of the month but even those days don’t exactly feel exhilarating. Plus, there were other things happening in my personal life, like my grandma’s passing, that I don’t exactly want to talk about too much.
At the end of the day, only one thing mattered:
I felt deeply depressed and completely unsatisfied.
Allowing myself to be buried underneath all that, I did not do anything. At least, nothing actionable or noteworthy.
I simply made myself be carried away by the flow of life. Wake up early, ride the bus, get to work and clock out by 5:30pm, ride the bus home while probably reading a manga or watching an episode.
And it really hit me: how utterly boring and glum that is. How you basically have zero agency on the one thing you should hold influence the most:
Your own fucking life.
Excuse my French but, really, there was no sugar-coating this.
My art is suffering. I’ve been consuming great masterpieces — on Instagram and Webtoons and various anime — and yet have not taken what inspiration I got from them and mold them into my own creation.
My blog is suffering. I’ve been having doubts with writing in the personal development niche recently. I did not want to read any “Simple Tips to Live Your Best Life” kinds of blog posts because I started to find them empty and repetitive.
Consequently, my life is suffering.
…Buuut that’s too complicated a topic and too long to tackle in even a 1000-word post. So let’s focus for now on what’s next in line up there. Which is also what is, quite frankly, the most important points I should be discussing.
On blogging and the personal growth niche
I’m not gonna deny it — I LOVE the personal growth niche. The community built around this like-minded desire to grow and improve is a fascinating one. I’m so happy to be a part of it, no matter how small my contribution may be.
But there’s a huge difference in writing about the truth you discovered to live a happier life and listing down “6 easy tips” to be happier.
I’ve read the same kind of posts, given the same kind of advice over and over again. (“Take a long walk” is one of those advice that, as of writing, is currently fueling up a massive discourse over in MH Twitter, by the way.) And the thing is, for me right now, these kinds of advice just feel… lackluster. Empty. They aren’t enough.
I’m sure there are people out there who just wanted the quick reminder or that tiny push. And maybe, for them, these posts are exactly what they need. Heck, there have been plenty of times when they were exactly what I needed too. But right now, it’s not what I’m looking for. It is not what I need. And in effect, these kinds of posts are not what I want to write about.
It took me a long time to come to terms with this. Because continuing felt like an obligation – and in effect, quitting felt like a self-condemnation. This “duty” I think I have for the readers of this blog. But then, I realize:
Wait a sec. Forcing myself to write a topic I don’t like is a disservice to myself AND to my readers.
And this is an advice I often give to fellow bloggers too.
Like, gee, Kate. At least follow the advice you made, yeah?
With that said, here’s what’s going to happen with All the Trinkets moving forward.
No empty listicles.
I’m not going to totally abandon listicles. Besides, it’s the kind of blog post that’s very easy to write. But I vow never to create those empty, repetitive listicles in my blog from now on. No more “6 easy steps for a happier life”.
Life, I found, is much more complicated to go through. But at the same time, life is simple – but no, it is never easy.
Instead, I just want to write about the truth. My truth, anyway. The truth I learned along the way. The small ones, and the ohmigosh-this-is-a-huge-eureka-moment ones.
Outside of these blog posts that borders on “life” and “personal development,” I also want to write more about art and creative living. And, like, no more of those general, all-around, free-for-all creativity topics. Starting today, I want to write only about my own creative experiences. My creative truths. (Which is kinda fancy-schmancy but, whattayouknow, it fits.)
This all may seem selfish but…
To be honest, for a long time, I write with you, my readers, heavily on my mind. Sure, I think about myself too. And it so happens that, for the past couple years, what people enjoyed reading and what I enjoyed writing aligned.
But the fact is, I no longer enjoy writing the same topics. In these same perspectives and this same format. Maybe in a few years, I’d go back to loving it. Maybe. But for right now, I need to step away from all these. Explore new ways to write and express myself in this ever-changing blog of mine.
Speaking of my blog changing…
To align with this kinda sorta new way of me blogging, I’ve decided to change the look of my blog. Yes, again. Don’t worry it’s going to be a long project and I’ll tweak some elements here and there gradually. But it’s gonna happen.
The way I think it, my blog changes and reshapes and transforms when I, too, change and reshape and transform.
Before anything else, this is my place in the Interwebs. My small, humble place.
And like with any kind of challenge we face in life, if the way forward for me and this small humble place of mine in the Interwebs is to change things up, then… Challenge accepted.
To all the readers who have followed me up ‘til now, I truly appreciate all of you. I hope you continue with me as I embark in a new chapter with this blog. And if not, well no worries. Thanks for being with me anyway, however long that may be.
Kate xx
Photo by Scott Web via Unsplash
June 18, 2019
Perfection and Success: A Story of Cut Hands and Dreams Smashed
At 11:23 in the morning, a young girl who has only ever cooked eggs and rice in her life was in the kitchen with the stove top on. She was chopping an onion, preparing for her younger sister’s meal when she accidentally sliced her finger. As she ran around looking for Band Aids, she heard her uncle laughing in the living room. It was the kind of laugh that was three-quarters snort and a quarter derision.
“If you can’t even chop onions without hurting yourself, you’ll never be cut out as a chef.”
Now, the girl never thought she would ever be a Michelin-star cook. She has never even aspired to run her own restaurant. But those words still cut through her heart and crushed her.
I’m telling you this story for a reason. And I hope by now you get it.
We all have that one person in our lives, that young girl’s uncle. Someone who aces at being a Jamie Raincloud. A put-downer. A positivity vampire (you know, someone who sucks the positivity out of you).
And sometimes, it doesn’t even matter if what they’re saying is actually a big deal to you or not. You would still be hurt.
And as much as I want to explore that complicated area of feeling hurt on things that ultimately don’t matter, I want to take a rain check on that for now.
What I really want to focus here is that subtle nag at perfection and success the uncle in the story did. It’s like he was saying that the young girl, who has barely cooked a meal in her life, cannot be a chef just because she hurt herself in the middle of cooking. That someone completely novice can’t become a master all because of committing one common mistake.
Now, as an avid fan of Masterchef Australia for the past couple years, I think that’s loaded bullcrap.
I know for a fact that even home cooks, those people who are passionate about food and cooking, can hurt themselves in the middle of a panicky situation. Those well-renowned chefs only seem effortlessly perfect and successful in the kitchen now because of all the mistakes and little injuries they got early on in their careers. Mistakes that, well, they learned from. Their so-called perfection and success are only achievable by learning through their failures.
See, we all make tiny mistakes.
[bctt tweet=”To say that one tiny mistake can cost you your success or your career or your entire life is utterly foolish.” username=”@allthetrinkets”]
For years, I’ve had this voice whispering to me, my very own inner negative uncle. That perfectionist, positivity vampire telling me every tiny mistake I’ve done is pushing me farther and farther from perfection and success. I guess, these voices contributed to the anxious-filled, overthinking perfectionist that I have become.
Just last month, I was on my way to my first ever job interview. And I forgot to bring any valid I.D. to get inside the building. All throughout the bus ride, I kept thinking how I have screwed things up. They’re never gonna interview me because I’m incompetent. The HR of the company will whisper it throughout all the HR of all other companies in the city. No one will hire me. And so, I am an utter failure.
All these thoughts… because I left my I.D.
But see here’s the thing: I am still here. I’m still alive. And little by little, I’m moving forward. Making progress and achieving small successes.
Related: My Two Cents on Failure and How I Dealt With It
We, as a society, have reached a point where we condemn or ridicule every mundane mistake a person has made. And to be honest, it’s not a great time to be in. We can be so hung up on the smallest details and the tiniest flaws. So much so, that we forget to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
And I’m not saying mistakes are great. They aren’t, obviously. Mistakes suck balls. But judging someone’s character based on the mistakes they did is a bit… unfair, don’t you think?
So if you’re like me, beating yourself over every small mistakes you commit, here’s a reminder:
[bctt tweet=”No one should ever be measured by the mistakes they did. Your failures cannot measure what you are worth. And it should never.” username=”@allthetrinkets”]
It’s how you respond after such failures that matters more. Be it changing for the better. Or striving for improvement and progress, whatever that may be for you.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
How do YOU define perfection and success? Have you ever had a non-dream be shattered before? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments!
Kate xx
Photo from Lucas Swinden via Unsplash
April 29, 2019
February was more chaotic than last month, wow. | Side Notes
Yep. You read that right.
Remember when I said last month, I hope February was going to be kinder to me than January? February was like, “NOPE! Not gonna.”
On a more positive note, though! I have new graphics for Side Notes, whee! Figured it was about time. That old one was getting… well, old.
Side Notes is a monthly wrap up where I share the interesting, and incredibly inspiring things I found during the month that I couldn’t fit in any post. Expect awesome recs, awesome books and awesome bloggers.
Also expect: fangirling (lots of it) and a glimpse into my life — the happy, the chaos and all.
In the Blogosphere
Anne shared 7 gift ideas for those in a long-distance relationship. And I say, they’re all pretty wholesome enough for anyone in your life!
Brett talked about dealing with negative feelings and shared some awesome tips to do so healthily. Check it out!
In need of some self-care ideas? Jackie recommends doing something creative — like building a house on Sims! Read her post for 6 more awesome recs!
Lea talks about her life as a 28-year-old married woman with no kids. (Guess what question she always gets asked.)
Hafsa created a journaling party and it. Sounds. SUPER. AWESOME??? I want in so bad.
Is blogging dead? Ashlee thinks not. And I, as I write the draft for this on WordPress Classic Editor, so so agree.
Lauren talks about grief and how to cope with the loss of a loved one.
Apostolia shared habits to have a happy life and I’m taking notes.
Deze shares the 6 hard lessons she learned in her first two years as a married woman and it’s applicable to any relationships!
The Awesome Side of the Internet
The Internet can be a jerk sometimes, let’s all be real here. But it is also filled with authentic and incredibly inspiring human (and non-human) stories.
Someone made a music video out of Paint and it’s BRILLIANT.
You need to rewatch LoTR but with cats.
Someone’s gonna be a great lawyer someday. Case closed, y’all.
You know how last month my recommendations were both educational apps? Welp, today I’m recommending two of my recent fave series!
VIOLET EVERGARDEN
I’m going to put it out there: this is anime. And before you scroll further thinking, “Oh, that isn’t my cup of tea.” Hear me out first!
This anime series revolves around a young girl who knew nothing of life outside her military background. Now that the war is over, she has to learn what it is like to live outside the front lines of a battlefield. (Wow, someone hire me to make blurbs. I think that’s a fair, non-spoilery one.)
It’s a coming-of-age series, my favorite anime genre after fantasy and slice-of-life, and it is heartbreakingly beautiful. It may revolve around Violet Evergarden, the young girl I mentioned above, but it’s more than just her story. The entire series is jam-packed with stories about love and family and self-growth. Not to mention, the animation is just BREATHTAKING. And y’all I’m not just saying that because Kyoto Animation, my all-time fave anime studio, produced it.
You can watch Violet Evergarden on Netflix now. Please watch it. (And if you do or did, hit me an email or slide a DM wherever. I want to talk about this and none of my friends has watched it yet!!)
HEARTSTOPPER
This is another series I recently got into that I think not a lot of people generally know. Like Violet Evergarden, you would only know about Heartstopper if you’re in the community. (The anime community in Violet Evergarden’s case, the book community in this one’s.)
Heartstopper is a webcomic written and illustrated by YA author Alice Oseman. It’s about two adorable soft bois being adorable together. An openly gay boy who overthinks for a living, and a soft-hearted guy who’s still figuring out his sexuality.
That’s it. That’s the pitch.
Now here’s the thing. I’ve read books my whole life. Consequently, I’ve read tons of books while on public transportation. But I’ve never — and I mean never — cried on public because of a book. Ever. This webcomic? It’s responsible for my first-ever public book tears. It is that good. You can read Heartstopper on Tumblr or in the Tapas app.
Little Victories – Kickass Stuff that Happened This Month
- I landed my first ever full-time job, y’all!
- I’m getting on top of my Twitter game, ey!
- My sleep is now regular!!! (It really was the lack of a structured routine omg! Once I was working, I’m already asleep at 10pm and up by 5am the next day. Could still need a little tweaking as I want to spend a bit more hours on my blog… but I’ll take it!)
Little Detours – What Kicked My Ass This Month
(because we’re not perfect, and it’s good to share your awful moments)
- My blog game and all other social media games are not as strong as the Twitter one. As you may have noticed, I decided to go on a hiatus halfway through the month.
Little Milestones – Things I Want to Achieve or Do Next Month
(because according to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies, I am an Obliger and I need outside accountability to reach personal goals)
A MINI-REVIEW ON THIS MONTH’S GOALS
- Make no bake cheesecake. ✘ I was on the verge of becoming broke so I’m doing a rain check on this one.
- Get interviewed by 5 companies. ✘ This didn’t happen BUT! I landed my job on the only company I got interviewed so yay!
- Finish writing and scheduling March’s posts. ✘ Still writing up March’s post. Oh well.
GOALS FOR NEXT MONTH
- Create a routine around work
- Set aside 5,000 php to savings (That’s about $100, give or take)
- Write and schedule posts
Last Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Eat fruit once a day. This didn’t happen BUT!!! I am eating fruit every other day so that’s a good start.
Next Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Finish one book. If I said I didn’t have much time reading books on February, I’d be lying. I just chose not to read any books. Now, I want to just finish one book. If I could just finish reading one, I’m good.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
How was your February? Was it awesome or did it suck so bad? Share to me everything!
xx Kate
Photo from Ivory Mix
February 28, 2019
An impromptu welcome back after my impromptu break! | December Side Notes
Why yes, I totally did go away from the blogosphere for one whole freaking month without a warning after posting that November Side Notes.
Was I sorry? Of course! Even just a tiny bit.
Did I regret it? Definitely not.
I thought November would bring out all the busyness of the year. But nooo. December is definitely the busiest I’ve been this year. All the Christmas shopping, all the clearance running… All the graduation shenanigans. Sigh. But that’s the thing. I’m okay with all of it.
Because YA GIRL HAS NOW OFFICIALLY FINISHED UNI Y’ALL.
I’ve also taken advantage of this month-long impromptu break by catching up on emails and creating blog posts and do all other online responsibilities I’ve set aside because I wanted to focus on graduating. I haven’t ticked all my delayed to-do lists but that’s alright. I’m going at it slowly.
Anyway, on to the post!
Side Notes is a monthly wrap up where I share the interesting, and incredibly inspiring things I found during the month that I couldn’t fit in any post. Expect awesome recs, awesome books and awesome bloggers.
Also expect: fangirling (lots of it) and a glimpse into my life — the happy, the chaos and all.
In the Blogosphere
Key shared a very personal post about experiencing post-partum depression and it’s such an inspiring read.
ALJ put out the most awesome holiday gift guide for this year and — welp, not that you’ll need it. But in case you need to shop for super duper late holiday presents, they’re your gals.
If you’re up for some wholesome holiday read, Devinder posted the most wholesome Christmas post I’ve read this month where she shared the traditions she and her family have for the holidays.
Marie-Celine wrote this short but super on-point piece on comparisonitis and we could all go for a little reminder today.
Corrie wrote this timely piece on creating transformative New Year’s resolutions that you can carry through past January!
The Awesome Side of the Internet
Yes, yes. I know. The Internet can be a jerk sometimes. But it is also filled with authentic and incredibly inspiring human stories. I always believe it only takes one kind heart for other kindness to join in 🙂
This kid is a goth in training and I have mad respect.
Seven-year-old shows her friends her new prosthetic leg and if that doesn’t tug your heartstrings enough, see how they responded *heart eyes*
McDonald’s created an anime commercial and it’s super kawaii (cute).
This girl is signing to her deaf father at a rock concert and my heart is swelling from so much love.

“Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee
The best Sunflower song I have ever heard y’all.
It’s so good vibes-y and super upbeat. All throughout November to December, I listened to this repeatedly on commute while going to school. It is such a great way to start the day on a positive note! Go ahead and listen! Also, watch the new animated film Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse, which the song is a soundtrack to. Haven’t watched it myself but you can be sure I will!!!
Chocolate Soy Milk
In case you didn’t know, I don’t drink coffee. *shields self from any attacks*
I have never really liked the taste of coffee. Also, my mom prefers we drink milk every morning, if we could help it. I was extremely busy these past couple months. In effect, I had to sacrifice my sleep. Because I don’t drink coffee, I try to get my dose of caffeine in other ways. I tried pure cocoa but that was bitter as heck. And I tried getting from cola but that’s wayyy too unhealthy and certainly not good for my hyperacidic-prone stomach.
But then, I remember my friend once recommended chocolate soy milk.
So I tried that and YOOO. To my fellow rare non-coffee-drinkers out there. This is the healthy caffeine option we need y’all! I drink either the Vitasoy Chocolate Soy Milk or the Vitamilk Double Choco Shake (which is a local product, yay!!!). Both are extremely delicious and they give me that small boost of energy I need in the morning.
Little Victories – Kickass Stuff that Happened This Month
- - I FINALLY GRADUATED Y’ALL!!! Finally finished four years in Accounting huhu. I actually wrote a super long Instagram post about it (shameless self-promo) and if you followed me on there, let me know so I can follow you back!
  - Got six cartons of Dutchmill from my Secret Santa (another non-caffeine drink I absolutely enjoy) and that makes me super super happy.
  - I am now, once again, surrounded by my favorite fowl ever: CHICKENS!!! (I mean, the turkeys of my neighbors in Cebu were fun to watch but nothing could top chickens for me hehe)
  - Finally bought cactus soil and pebbles for Cactus’s babies. But I just found out you don’t want to transplant cacti on the fourth quarter of the year since it’s their dormant period so April transplanting it is!
  - Sent out 2 guest post pitches! This isn’t what I hoped to achieve but I’ll take it. (Side note: you can check out my guest post about why having a creative hobby is important on La Ivana here)
Little Detours – What Kicked My Ass This Month
(because we’re not perfect, and it’s good to share your awful moments)
- I had a pre-graduating breakdown and that meant puffy eyes on graduation day, oomf
- Still have zero posts on buffer and I’m still scared
- I haven’t touched any book in weeks wow
Little Milestones – Things I Want to Achieve or Do Next Month
(because according to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies, I am an Obliger and I need outside accountability to reach personal goals)
- Finish three posts for the month and send out two guest post pitches
- Read and comment on 14 blog posts every week
- Update my resume (hnggg)
Last Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Be happy and stress-free. December was certainly stressful but the holiday vibes really got to me and I’m super happy.
- Next Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
  Try out one thing you haven’t tried before. I’m already thinking of trying out sushi for the first time but I need to ask a friend where the best sushi place in town is hehe.
  I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
  How was your December?? Do you drink coffee or not? What’s your favorite non-coffee beverage? Tell me all the things!!!
  xx Kate
  Photo from Ivory Mix
January 1, 2019
The Lost Art of Trial and Error: Why we need to try and fail to succeed
Out of complete boredom, my younger brother borrowed my phone to play a Merriam Webster quiz.
And look hey. It’s not for the lack of games in my phone. I have one! A difficult puzzle platformer called Catbird. But my brother only wanted something to waste his time on, not his patience or his brain cells. And I get it; Catbird is basically like Flappy Bird. Definitely not something to just kill off boredom. But when I looked over his shoulder to check on how he was fairing, I was surprised at what I saw.
“What are you doing?” I asked him suspiciously.
“It’s okay,” he reassured me, “I have a plan.”
You know what he was doing? His grand strategy for the Merriam Webster quiz? He was clicking on random choices. Random. Like, zero consideration on whether that choice was the right one or not. I wasn’t surprised at all that he got a really low score afterwards.
I mean, how was that a winning plan?? You’re obviously bound to fail when you don’t think things through.
And then he did his grand game plan the second time. But this time, because the questions tend to repeat and he remembered the answers, he got more questions right. And he did this repeatedly until he passed.
Quite a cheeky strategy coming from my pure little brother, but it worked! So I figured this is something I could apply when playing Catbird. That instead of obsessing over winning, I could just try my best and learn from my failures.
Then I realized… whoa. This is a mindset I could have beyond games. I could apply it in my LIFE.
Perfectionism in games and in life
See, what I found disconcerting with my brother’s game plan was that it was not what is perceived to be a game plan. This idea of deliberately failing felt like an anti-thesis to the main goal of playing any game – to win. And as a card-carrying perfectionist, I was quite familiar with this.
Succeeding at first try is even next-level dopamine hit for me. And I’m sure it is for other people too. In fact, I recently found something on Pinterest about how to become a superstar blogger at day one, so I know I’m not alone.
The idea of being a successful blogger on your first try is also a kind of next-level dopamine hit. We bloggers have aspired to be that way, at one point or another. And maybe you still are.
The thing is, no one wants to fail.
Failing leaves an unpleasant taste to the mouth. We spray away failure like we spray away bad breath. We wouldn’t want to experience it if we could. This is why we want to succeed at first try. It means not going through all the awful feelings you get when you failed. It means going straight to medal. And foregoing trial and error is a concept that’s too good to be true.
But see, the heavy truth is this: Less than one percent of bloggers – or anyone for that matter – become successful at day one.
I admit, I pulled that number out of nowhere. And it really isn’t reflective of any statistics made on success. But you get my point.
Rarely anyone becomes successful at first try.
I already shared my two cents on failure before, and how it’s important. And I still stand on that ground. Failure is necessary for us to eventually achieve success. But more importantly, it is through failure that we learn from our mistakes. And eventually grow from it. And therefore succeed.
But how could we fail if we don’t give ourselves permission to do so? How could we experience failure and grow when we’re so adamant to avoid trial and error?
The Lost Art of Trial and Error
My mom, a mathematics teacher, taught me that when all else fails, when you can’t think of any other math technique to find the solution to a problem, do trial and error. It is the most underrated yet useful thing you can have for solving math problems.
Surprise surprise, it is also the most underrated yet useful thing you can have for solving any life problems.
But see, the problem with trial and error is that it is tedious. It takes suuuper long to get to the answer. And no one wants to take the long winding path, when they could just go for the shortcut. Honestly, even I don’t want to. But in this age of instant gratification, we’ve somehow completely forgotten the idea of trial and error.
When you start your blog, you want it to be seen and successful at day one.
If you’re trying out a new product, you want to see its effects overnight.
When you take on a new creative project, you expect things to go your way.
But you might not be successful at day one. You may not see if the product is effective until a month of consistent use. Maybe you’d reach a creative dead-end sooner than you anticipated.
Click to pin!
Maybe all you had to do was change a few things a bit. Tweak your process or try out a different one. Maybe you need to stop thinking things through so much and just click on whichever choice is in front of you. And if you make a mistake, you could always take notes. Eliminate that choice from your list for next time, and move forward.
And maybe, like my pure little brother with his cheeky game strategy, you too will pass your quiz.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
What do you think about trial and error? Can you think of a time when you couldn’t wait for the outcome to show? Share them in the comments below!
xx Kate
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November 28, 2018
We Need To Get Better at Asking for What We Need
When I read that sentence on a newsletter I subscribed in, I felt like someone suddenly turned the light on me. Like I could finally see the world clearly and in full Technicolor.
Is this a problem I struggle with? Heck yes.
I’m the type of person who would gladly help others, however much I could. But when I’m the one at the asking end, things are a-whole-nother potato salad:
I am SO not comfortable asking other people for help.
Just saying that, admitting that to the ethers where other people can read it, is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it’s my pride that’s stopping me. Maybe it’s because I feel I’d be imposing too much if I ask for help. Maybe it’s both plus a hundred other internal complications like low self-esteem and high self-doubt. But there it is.
We’ve all had this feeling, I like to think. It may not be as severe as mine, but I’m sure you’ve gone through this to a certain degree. I mean, you wouldn’t have clicked on this post if you haven’t, right?
I find teens and young adults usually find it difficult to ask for help. I was definitely one of those teens – still am one of those young adults.
But even when you’re an adult (or #adulting), you may still have some difficulty asking for help.
Why is it so difficult?
Well, the short answer for this is a word you’ve probably come across a lot if you’ve been reading my blog for a while:
FEAR.
Having trouble asking for help stems from a lot of causes but the main root is often fear. Your fear may be a different kind of fear from others’, but it’s fear all the same. Here are three common ways fear may hinder you from asking what you need:
Fear of Showing Vulnerability
Asking for help is one of the most vulnerable things you can do in front of someone else. And people avoid looking vulnerable like the plague. Which is probably why it feels so uncomfortable.
Fear of Breaking Your Perceived Image
We like to think that we are fully capable of facing our problems on our own. Again, this could be because we don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable (which are two different things, by the way!)
Fear of Rejection
When you ask for something, there’s like a 50-50 chance you’d probably be rejected. It’s a “Sure thing!” or an “I’m sorry, I can’t” kind of question. Often I find myself skewing that 50-50 odds. I’m super focused in the worst-case scenario (i.e., getting rejected), I have zero reason to believe that people will actually reason.
Fear gets the best of everyone. And I mean every-freakin-one. And letting fear hinder you from asking for help, is also letting fear hinder your growth.
WHY YOU NEED TO GET BETTER AT ASKING FOR HELP
1. You can’t do everything on your own
You may feel like some kind of superhuman who do not need to ask for help. But here’s the thing: Even computers can’t do things on their own.
The computer or tablet or phone that you’re using to read this right now also has limited capacity. It’ll be even less capable without the Internet and added storage.
Even world-famous people like Michael Phelps and Steve Jobs and Arianna Huffington and Oprah didn’t achieve what they have achieved completely on their own. Even their triumphs and successes are a product of the many hands and minds of people who’ve influenced them or worked with and for them along the way. Even my blog is a product of the tons of help I got, both directly and indirectly.
This isn’t to say that this blog isn’t entirely my work. It totally is! But all throughout this wonderfully journey, I’ve learned a thing or twenty from people in some way or another. And we all do!
2. People want to help you
It sounds ridiculous. And sometimes, I still can’t wrap myself around this “ridiculous notion”. But it’s true. People want to help you. They really do. (Dum-dee-doo.)
The trick here is, they won’t really know how they can help… if we don’t tell them. And we’ve already established that (scroll back up) we rarely do.
A friend of mine once shared to me that she had a grudge on a friend of hers. All because her friend did not do something that she “thought was pretty obvious” she needed.
The problem with thinking this way is that this is wrong most of the time.
Like when I thought that smudge of paint on my artwork was super obvious and is totally ruining the entire piece but my mom didn’t see squat. She didn’t understand why I was so upset because the reason was invisible to her.
I’ve learned that what seems completely, totally, undeniably obvious to me is most likely completely, totally, undeniably unnoticeable to others
3. You open yourself up
Sometimes we’re so afraid to ask for help because of the scary possibility of getting a no. That we might get rejected.
But like I said, people want to help you! There was this study that found people actually get help twice as much as they thought they would. This only goes to show that people want to be helpful and feel useful, but we think otherwise.
Think about it: isn’t that why you love to help others?
I know that’s why I love to help. Because I want to be helpful and feel useful.
When you ask for help, you’re telling people they can help you. You’re telling people you are open to learning from them. You’re telling people that you are human and you don’t have everything figure out (which is totally okay!) You’re telling them you need help. And that you want to rely on them.
In doing so, you are not weak. Or incompetent. Or unworthy. You just need support. Nothing wrong with that.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
What do you need? Let us help you! 🙂
xx Kate
Photo from Ivory Mix
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October 10, 2018
Why you need to let your inner child out to play
At age 8, I was already building my very own empire.
A paper empire, to be exact.
I have a paper doll, Analysse, who had a paper mansion and custom tailored clothes (I drew them myself).
She was living The Dream, I’m telling you!
But the thing was, her house was empty. She needed to eat the most delicious food and have the most beautiful things. She could even have her very own elephant, I thought as I look at my thick coloring book given to me by my uncle. It’s filled with the exact things Analysse needed – hair brush, hand bags, elephants and ice cream. Tons of ice cream.
I grabbed a pair of scissors and was about to cut them when a hand held my wrist. It was my aunt.
When she asked me what I was doing, I told her I’m going to cut out a few of the pictures so I could play them with my paper doll.
That’s not how you use coloring books, was what she told me then. Coloring books are for coloring. It isn’t meant to be cut out.
I’m sharing this story now, not because I have a grudge on my aunt for not letting me play back then (I don’t hold grudges) but because, remembering all those years ago, I realized that I was held back. I wasn’t allowed to play however I wanted.
And just like 8-year-old me, my inner child has also been held back. And it stayed that way for years.
I’ve only allowed my inner child to play freely recently. Like 2016 recently. And even to this day, there are still times when I hold myself back.
Here’s the sad truth:
We somehow have this idea that adulthood meant shoving your inner child into the deepest, darkest recesses of your subconscious. That we would no longer need it when we’re adults. Add to that, we live in a world where child-like behaviors are frowned upon.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told to “grow up” after doing something fun and carefree and completely un-adult-like.
That’s one aunt holding you back from your play. But really, it’s the aunt inside us that we listen to the most.
Back in the 1970s, psychologist Eric Berne theorized that we all have three parts in us all the time: the parent part, the adult part and the child part.
The idea is, in order to live a happier life, you need to find the balance between these three parts. By age 15, however, (and I’m guesstimating here ok??) we let our adult part take the reins completely. Because that is what’s expected of us – to be adults.
Sure, we’re all adults now. We have far more responsibilities than we did as eight-year-olds. But that does not mean you need to shove your inner child onto the back corner. I have 4 reasons why you need to unleash your inner child and make friends with it.
WHY YOU NEED TO LET YOUR INNER CHILD PLAY
1) It Relieves Stress
As a kid, you usually don’t care about falling down or getting bitten by ants or having dirty hands. You just play and have fun and enjoy yourself! Who cares about dirt? (Adults, that’s who.)
Plenty of studies have shown that the carefree, playful attitude that’s often found in kids can increase happiness and reduce stress.
I’ve had tons of impromptu dance parties with my brother at home and I know this to be true. Play with your pet! Stop for a sec and smell the flowers. Get on your knees and get dirty.
Small yet super fun activities like these can help you forget, even just for a while, the stress that comes with adulting.
2) Strong Fearlessness Muscles
I have these two distinct memories from two different periods in my life:
The first one was when I was around six or seven, dancing my butt out in the middle of the makeshift dance floor at my mom’s office Christmas party.
The second one, I was a sixth grader in our school’s bathroom with my friend, showing to her that I could dance the Spaghetti dance in secret.
I’m a college student now in my senior year, and the only place you could see me dance is inside my house with my brother. (And it only takes me about two minutes and I start wheezing. Gosh I’m old.)
My fearlessness muscles that were super active when I was a six-year-old have become super, super stiff. And I’m sure I’m not the only one in this.
Letting your inner child out to play is a great exercise to your fearlessness muscles. Neither your parent part, and especially not your adult part, has any courageous streak in them. Only your inner child do.
3) Creativity and Inspiration
If there was one word that you could associate with kids, I’d say it’s “why.” Children are curious little potatoes. You’ll probably remember those times when you were a kid and you either thought to yourself or asked an adult why.
Why is the sky blue? Why are Tom & Jerry always fighting? Why do my friend Jenny only have a mom and no dad? Why do ants march in a single line? Why can’t those children go to school? It’s asking these questions that will foster your creativity. It will inspire you to think, to empathise, and to be more aware of the worlds both inside and around you.
The connection between your inner child and creativity has also been scientifically-backed. The Mission made a list of how unleashing your inner child can make you creative.
There’s also this amazing Ted Talk by then twelve-year-old Adora Svitak about how “childish” thinking inspires bold ideas and unhindered creativity. It’s a lovely talk and you should definitely check it out here.
4) You Become a Better Adult
Did you know that narcissistic behaviors and temper tantrums seen in adults are the result of your inner child “acting out”?
Mind = blown.
When you don’t give it play time, your inner child will find its own way to play by acting out. And, as things often do when restrained for too long, they act out in an awfully ugly way.
So all those so-called adults with negative child-like behaviors? You know. Those who are like a child in a grown man’s body (one of which you may know has an orange-y skin and hay-like toupee)? Those adults have not befriended their inner child or are even aware of it.
Mind = blown. Again.
Look, I’m not saying being an adult sucks. (Although adulting is definitely hard, not gonna lie.) If it weren’t for our mature and adult self, the world would be in total chaos. Like far more chaotic than it already is. True adulthood means taking your responsibilities seriously.
But remember: it is also important to let your inner child out to play. It is your inner child’s job to be creative, curious and courageous. Things that I’m sure we all need to cultivate as we also start our journey into adulting.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
Have you let your inner child out to play? What are your thoughts on inner child and how it’s affecting your life? Share them below!
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Photos from Jess Watters (via unsplash). Check out the photographer’s website here.
October 3, 2018
September is Half and Half, No In-Between // Side Notes
Side Notes is a monthly wrap up where I share the interesting, and incredibly inspiring things I found during the month that I couldn’t fit in any post. Expect awesome recs, awesome books and awesome bloggers.
Also expect: fangirling (lots of it) and a glimpse into my life — the happy, the chaos and all.
Half on-my-knees-crying, half jumping-up-and-down happy.
Half super chaotic, half super relaxed.
Half unaccomplished potato, half slaying-it-productive potato.
In my September, there were no in-betweens. Only halves of the extremes. Interestingly, the first half was where all the crying and chaos and unaccomplishments happened. I have this itty-bitty suspicion it’s like one of those light drizzles that’s left over after the huge storm that was August passed. *glares at August*
The second half, there were still a bit of chaos and a bit of crying and a bit of unproductiveness, sure. But it was all manageable. And frankly, with the degree of happiness, and chillness, and accomplished-ness that I felt on the second half. Those tiny bits of negative were irrelevant.
In the Blogosphere
Suktara shared some amazingly practical hacks for busy women (and we all need these, believe me.)
Ki’ara discussed why we lose our motivation and offered great tips on how you can keep it.
Brittany argued why it’s best to forget about finding your purpose and it is such an interesting perspective!
Are you listening? Alex talked about active listening – what it is and how you could benefit from it.
We can definitely find happiness in the little things which is why Joy listed down 25 small things she finds joy in.
Amber wrote a comprehensive guide on how to navigate stressful situations.
Lana bravely shared the darkest moment in her life, in hopes of helping others realize that they are not alone. Not gonna lie, this one’s my favorite post I’ve read this month. (And that’s saying something, considering I’ve read dozens!)
The Awesome Side of the Internet
Yes, yes. I know. The Internet can be a jerk sometimes. But it is also filled with authentic and incredibly inspiring human stories. I always believe it only takes one kind heart for other kindness to join in 🙂
<3 Somebody created this masterpiece that is the Avengers: Infinity War anime opening. It’s BRILLIANT. My geeky heart is in paradise.
<3 This tweet DID NOT make me cry. I’m not crying. You are.
here are some stories of male intimacy to make you feel warm and sad pic.twitter.com/BF1R09Rl6W
— Kate Gray (@hownottodraw) August 31, 2018
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
<3 If you want something totally adorable, scroll through this thread of cockatiels. Two is ah-dorable and the other one is downright funny. Watching these videos literally cured my cough.
<3 This comic about purple hair and imposter syndrome is TOTALLY RELATABLE. I can’t even.
Feedly app – For Keeping up with Your Fave Bloggers
My problem with the WordPress app is that it’s not so friendly with non-Wordpress blogs. And I rarely open Bloglovin hehe. Feedly is my favorite app to use when I need to quickly browse over all my favorite bloggers’ recent posts. And it has a super simple interface that even tech newbies can navigate!
Google Keep
I honestly don’t know what I would do without Google Keep. Honestly. Making use of Keep beyond just blogging is probably 80% why my second half of September wasn’t so chaotic. I use Keep to take notes on my academic works, putting links to refer back later, blog to-do lists and even reminding myself of my goals. Plus! I recently found out that I can open it on my browser. So when I need to make an outbound link to an article I referred in a post, I don’t have to do some Matrix maneuver with my phone! It is literally a life-saver!
Little Victories – Kickass Stuff that Happened This Month
- I finally finished my application for graduation ahhh!
- Joined in with a group of super inspiring ladies to work on something super incredible. (This one’s a secret for now 😉 )
- Achieved my goals of reaching 950 followers on my blog and 90 followers on Instagram. Thank you so much to all of you!!! <3
- I actually understood finance??? As a context, I hate finance. Of all my major subjects, I despise finance. And it’s so weird that I finally get the underlying theories behind some of the topics.
Little Detours – What Kicked My Ass This Month
(because we’re not perfect, and it’s good to share your awful moments)
- Cough. Severe my-lungs-want-to-come-out-of-my-ribcage hacking.
- I still didn’t do a lot of art this month. Still haven’t finished my Kate Harker illustration.
- I still haven’t repotted Watson’s babies.
- The rainy season. Which worsened my cough a few times.
Little Milestones – Things I Want to Achieve or Do Next Month
(because according to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies, I am an Obliger and I need outside accountability to reach personal goals)
- Reach 1000 followers on here before November 14th (but preferably on October) and 100 followers on Instagram
- Do two full-color illustrations. The Kate Harker one and another cutesy weapon-yielding girl.
- Join in on Inktober for 20 days tops.
Last Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Read a Rumi passage a day. Nope. This didn’t come through at all. But! Sometime in the last week of September I was able to read a chapter of a nonfiction book a day. So can I’m calling that a 10% success? Yes or yes?
Next Month’s Self-Improvement Challenge
Read a chapter of a nonfiction book a day. I might as well continue on to this for October since I’ve already accomplished it in the last several days of September. Also hoping I’d finish a couple of nonfiction books this way.
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
How was your September? Is there a goal you want to reach next month? Let me cheer you on!
xx Kate
September 30, 2018
5 Pretty Color Pairs I’m in Love with Right Now
It’s been a year since I last shared my favorite color pairs on here. Between then and now, I’ve found some really awesome and super aesthetic color pairs. They inspired me with my blog’s new look and on my recent artworks.
I’m really loving pastels and neon colors these days, which is weird because I was never into these colors as a kid. I used to favor the bright, the deep and the neutral. Granted, my teen years were pretty much me in my goth and edgy “Don’t talk to me” phase so there’s that.
Anyway! Here are the 5 color pairs I’m loving at the moment!
But first, a disclaimer: None of the images I used in the collages below are mine and I will never claim them as mine. I found all of these via Pinterest and have made a board exclusively for this post. Please check out my Pinterest board if you want to know where I got them.
If any of the images below are yours and would like for me to take them down, please contact me through this page and I will do it as soon as possible. 🙂
Grey and Muted Pink
What I absolutely love about this color pair is how it’s feminine but not overly so. Totally my cup of tea. I never liked greys in lighter shade before but they give this kinda moody, kinda aesthetic (?) vibe to it that I now absolutely love. And the pink is just a nice pop of color in contrast with that grey.
Magenta and Canary Yellow
Magenta is another one of those colors that I never liked as a kid. My sis and I had this 480-color Crayola box and magenta was one of those colors we rarely use. It’s just, in my seven-year-old self’s eyes, magenta didn’t make sense. Like, is it red or is it purple?? It really confused me.
Now, I could fully appreciate its beauty. And because it’s such a vivid color, I usually pair it up with pastels or muted colors. Canary yellow is my fave to pair with magenta. A small area of the wall in my bedroom has this color pair and whenever I look at it, I’m just – it’s so beautiful.
Neon Blue and Ultraviolet
Oh boi. As recent as when I was a freshman in college, I loathed neon. I hated it with passion. When I see neon, I run to the opposite side as fast as I can. But I’ve recently (like just this year recently) come to love neon colors. If you add in black, this color combo will be p e r f e c t. Neon colors just have this moody retro urban feel to them. It’s really great for creating atmosphere and moods in an illustration.
I tried to do it in a full-color illustration one time and… welp. It didn’t work. But it was probably because the paints I used were more muted. So I learned that if you want to recreate the neon look on watercolour, you’d need translucent paints for it.
Cerulean and Moss
If Magenta was the color I rarely used as a kid, cerulean is the complete opposite. I freakin-loved this color! I would use it on every page of my coloring book. I’ve been saving nature landscapes from stock photo sites lately. I use them to practice on painting landscapes and I always get attracted to images with lots of blues and greens.
Blues and greens are classic color pairs that would always (always) work. I particularly love using cerulean with the less vibrant mossy green.
Mint and Peach
*sigh* I love this color combo like you wouldn’t believe.
While I started to love pink, there’s nothing more beautiful than peach. Peach feels like it’s walking on that fine line between orange and pink, you know? I love that. And mint. Oh mint. I don’t know if it’s just me but it’s such a Gen Z color pair??? All pastel and bright and super aesthetic. This is the kind of atmosphere I want for my blog – fun and happy but also quite relaxing. I hope I achieved that 🙂
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
What are your favorite color combinations at the moment? Share them in the comments below! I’m always on the hunt for gorgeous colors 😉
xx Kate
PS. You can check out my previous post on color combos here!
September 26, 2018