Why Toxic Relationships Are Like Tooth Decay
Hello hello, you lovely person! Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, ey! And I’m continuing onto my love-themed Wednesday posts.
In the past two Wednesdays, I talked about inspiring love and loving others in general. Today, I want to talk about relationships. Particularly, those that hurt you in the same way that Voldemort made Harry’s Hogwarts life miserable every-freakin-year for seven years.
“Um. We kinda get that from the title, Kate? But what does tooth decay have anything to do with this?”
It’s simple really. Let’s start it with this friend of mine. We shall call her Rose.
Rose was in a relationship for two years. And it was a toxic relationship. I would know because she reached out to me several times. Once she even called me crying about how he hurt her and how pathetic she was.
But I couldn’t understand her.
Why won’t she just break up with the jerk? If he was hurting her too much, then there’s no point working things out, right? But she told me she loved him and she can’t do it. And I decided right then that I’d never understand such thing.
But I was wrong. I did understand, kinda, because I was in a similar position. And what did I likened to Rose’s toxic relationship?
A five-year tooth decay.
My very own li’l Lord Voldemort.
Yes, I know. Maybe you’re disgusted at me right now and thinking why in the world would anyone hold on to something like that for too long?!
Funny, that’s exactly what I was thinking when I listened to Rose’s woes.
The thing is, I had an incredibly sweet tooth that resulted to plenty of tooth cavities when I was a kid. But the toothaches didn’t come until second year in high school.
One part hurt like the devil every time I ate. It instantly ruined both my appetite and day. And I suffered from it for five. Freakin. Years. And it was amazing how I had so many excuses why I wasn’t getting rid of it: I don’t have time, dentist can’t take it out for some reason, too busy with high school then incredibly busy with college. See? Plenty of excuses. But you know what’s the worst and most pathetic excuse I frequently use?
I can’t do it.
I don’t understand why I can’t. It’s not like I loved the little decayed devil or find it valuable to me. But that’s the thing with toxic relationships and long-time tooth decays, I recently learned.
You feel like you can’t do anything to get rid of it permanently.
I’m not really comfortable going to the dentist because, holy macaroni, they can be scary! And oftentimes, I reasoned that the ache was just temporary.
The irony wasn’t lost on me.
I didn’t understand why the heck some people won’t just end their painful relationship–it’s easy and they can do it, can’t they? But here I was nursing my own version of a toxic relationship.
So. What can you folks learn from this?
You have a choice
Whether you choose to stay or let all those hurtful things go is all up to you. But remember to give yourself a little self-respect. I guess, subconsciously, I felt like I was punishing my younger self for being selfish with all the candies–man, I was so horrible I even locked my sister out and gorged on a whole pack by myself!
So see, don’t do the same.
(Both being selfish with your fam and punishing yourself)
Don’t allow yourself to be burdened by pain just ’cause you feel like that’s what you deserve.
I mean, I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower but that “love that we think we deserve” part gives so much room for unhealthy self-deprecation. I think there’s a difference between repentance and self-affliction.
Because things like tooth decays and toxic relationships? If you hold onto them for a long time, they gradually become a part of your life. And suffering from them becomes a sort of habit.
And that’s as scary as Lord Voldie.
Outside these two, there are plenty of other things that can give you pain like abusive and stressful work environment.
And so in the end, I guess this post is also a bit about loving yourself.
It has been three months since Rose finally broke up with jerko. She was miserable at first and the egotistical jerk kept indirectly harassing her through Twitter. But she’s happy now.
It was around the same time when I finally went to the dentist to have the decayed tooth taken out. The first few days felt awkward to feel this gaping hole where the teeth had been.
But now I feel no pain and I don’t feel its absence anymore. I guess gums heal just like hearts do, right?
What would you do if something constantly kept hurting you? Got some advice or awesome thoughts? Share them below!
Have a love-filled day, awesome peeps!
Grandiose advice thanks. We actually leave thorns we can get rid off inside us unconsciously beginning to accept mediocre especially in relationships. Thanks will do
Yes, exactly! That’s a great way of putting it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! 🙂
I had never thought of that sort of toxicity being like tooth decay before, but you make a lot of very good points here!
At the end of the day I guess we have to make decisions that we fear will hurt and be hard, that are even scary, but we make those decisions for our health and happiness. That is what is important in the long run. And once we’ve had time to heal I think we all often look back and wonder “what the heck took me so long??”
Very thought provoking post here. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
PS- glad your own little Voldemort of a tooth is no longer a bother to you!!
You have no idea how much I love your writing. You’re so funny and smart and sweet and this comparison was perfect. We often hold on to pain because we think we don’t deserve better. But we all do. You can love someone so much that you think hurting is a part of it, but it doesn’t have to be. That’s not healthy. By the way, I have a similar situation with a tooth but it was only three years… might still be happening right now.. lol we have lots in common, you’re my blogging soulmate 🙂
I need to be brave and just deal with it. But usually run away from dentists and gynecologists like they’re the plague so I’ve been avoiding it. It sounds ridiculous when I write about it.
I love the comparison! These two things, as I just realized, have a lot in common 😀 Also, love the way you write! You have really interesting posts in your blog 🙂
Thank you so much! It was amazing how I suddenly thought of it while in the shower XD Aw really? Thank you!